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AIBU?

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215 replies

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 17:25

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

OP posts:
Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 23:02

BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 23:01

Maybe you should tell him it's not the 1990s anymore, modern phones take more than one sim card at a time so you can use multiple numbers but not look like a drug dealer.

Edited

Also why would he be flashing his multiple burner phones to his sister? Wouldn’t he just use telegram, kik or a similar app?

BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 23:02

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 23:01

he could be a stock broker on wall street etc

And probably loves winding up his fantasist sister!

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 23:01

he could be a stock broker on wall street etc

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 23:01

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:59

No, burner phones! He always has multiples on the go.

c’mon now. I get the devil’s advocate thing. I’ve spent a decade explaining to myself that there must be a perfectly innocent explanation. But there just isn’t. A blind idiot could see he is in crime. I’ve just buried my head for years

But you don’t have any evidence; you say you 100% know for a fact he drug smuggles but how do you know this, because he has wads of cash?

how do you know he doesn’t deal with stolen goods? Someone else isn’t financing his lifestyle (not your parents)? What if he won some money on the lottery/gambling?

BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 23:01

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:59

No, burner phones! He always has multiples on the go.

c’mon now. I get the devil’s advocate thing. I’ve spent a decade explaining to myself that there must be a perfectly innocent explanation. But there just isn’t. A blind idiot could see he is in crime. I’ve just buried my head for years

Maybe you should tell him it's not the 1990s anymore, modern phones take more than one sim card at a time so you can use multiple numbers but not look like a drug dealer.

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 23:00

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:57

Sorry but I just don’t believe that - if he’s making that much money, why would he start an elaborate con for £100 in housing benefit? Surely he’d be too busy planning his next trip to Thailand!!

Look you can question all you want.

the benefit thing is true as he told me and he has no reason to lie i can think of. Stupid yes, but there we are

the drugs stuff i am certain is the case. He just bought a jetski ffs. A jetski.

OP posts:
LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 23:00

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:59

No, burner phones! He always has multiples on the go.

c’mon now. I get the devil’s advocate thing. I’ve spent a decade explaining to myself that there must be a perfectly innocent explanation. But there just isn’t. A blind idiot could see he is in crime. I’ve just buried my head for years

nope, not in a world of espionage, corporate espionage, etc crime is not the only answer

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:59

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:55

So? I know loads of people who go to Thailand and Mexico regularly. The truth is she has no idea where the money has come from.

‘Burner phone’ or just another number?

No, burner phones! He always has multiples on the go.

c’mon now. I get the devil’s advocate thing. I’ve spent a decade explaining to myself that there must be a perfectly innocent explanation. But there just isn’t. A blind idiot could see he is in crime. I’ve just buried my head for years

OP posts:
Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:57

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:54

Well he didn’t become unemployed because he was never employed to begin with. He deliberately went out to find a flat which would max out what benefits he could get.

i’m not sure of the specifics as i didn’t want to know but that was the gist anyway.

I have no idea why he’d do it, agree it’s risky for little benefit. But people aren’t always logical

Sorry but I just don’t believe that - if he’s making that much money, why would he start an elaborate con for £100 in housing benefit? Surely he’d be too busy planning his next trip to Thailand!!

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:56

Marseillaise · 18/08/2024 22:53

There's a little matter of "And he's regularly making trips to Thailand and Mexico. And constantly has more cash than is feasible when you're on benefits. And uses burner phones." I suspect that could definitely arouse some interest.

i’d thought so.

i’d love to be wrong. I’d love for the police to laugh at me and tell me i’m mad.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 18/08/2024 22:56

WIBU to report him to the police

What for? “My brother has a lot of money and I don’t know where it comes from” is not evidence of any crime being committed.

If he is up to something, you do realise the police wouldn’t just suggest that he change his ways, right? Just not really sure how, if you love your brother, you think his life would be improved by a long spell in prison and how you imagine he’d turn his life around afterwards. (Clue: he wouldn’t, and the most likely outcome would be that he’d end up a homeless addict.)

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:55

Marseillaise · 18/08/2024 22:53

There's a little matter of "And he's regularly making trips to Thailand and Mexico. And constantly has more cash than is feasible when you're on benefits. And uses burner phones." I suspect that could definitely arouse some interest.

So? I know loads of people who go to Thailand and Mexico regularly. The truth is she has no idea where the money has come from.

‘Burner phone’ or just another number?

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 22:54

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 20:55

Sorry if the thread has drip-fed a bit and there are loads of posts.

but i can say on this, i am absolutely completely certain. I don’t have firm evidence as I am not in the drugs trade and am not going to stalk my bro for evidence against him.

the only people walking round with thousands in cash in their pockets, with no access to other family money, no debt (he has ccjs so can’t borrow) are builders or drug dealers. And he’s not a builder.

as another poster helpfully commented, a blind idiot could tell he’s a gangster. I’ve stuck my head in the sand for years. I don’t know if now i should do something.

he won’t stop because i ask nicely.

what would you do?

firstly thats quite an assumption and many have been made, personally unless your the security services then whos to say if he was intelligence etc you could be risking his cover etc

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:54

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:49

Yeah could it be that he took out an ‘expensive’ lease on a flat, became unemployed had to sublet the room because he couldn’t get housing benefit and therefore had to move into a house share and use housing benefit for that.

It also makes no sense if he has £1000s of pounds from his drug smuggling trade

Well he didn’t become unemployed because he was never employed to begin with. He deliberately went out to find a flat which would max out what benefits he could get.

i’m not sure of the specifics as i didn’t want to know but that was the gist anyway.

I have no idea why he’d do it, agree it’s risky for little benefit. But people aren’t always logical

OP posts:
Marseillaise · 18/08/2024 22:53

AyrshireTryer · 18/08/2024 17:51

Op - I think my brother is a drug smuggler
PC - What makes you think that
OP - He can afford many things I can't when he is on the dole.
PC - Have you seen him with drugs
OP - No
PC - erm...

There's a little matter of "And he's regularly making trips to Thailand and Mexico. And constantly has more cash than is feasible when you're on benefits. And uses burner phones." I suspect that could definitely arouse some interest.

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 22:51

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:51

I’m defo thinking he has an older, rich partner who is financing his lifestyle!

or that two, as the expenses are not adding up otherwise

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:51

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 22:50

I suspect Spy

I’m defo thinking he has an older, rich partner who is financing his lifestyle!

LibertyPrime · 18/08/2024 22:50

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 21:44

Sorry i’ve responded on these points loads but some of them have been filtered by the site as too much detail about crime stuff i guess.

so i know he’s never had a job because we are millenials - we’re on whatsapp constantly, he’s on social media. I find it wild how many people think it possible my brother could have had a whole entire job without my knowing in a world where i know what at least 4 of my not even close mates had for breakfast today.

I know about benefits because i asked him. He’s scamming housing benefit (i wouldn’t report him for this though i do think benefit fraud is disgusting) and gets UC.

I know about amounts of money because i have seen him with stacks of cash and also other things he’s done involving money and not wanting to use a bank account but whenever i include the detail of this it gets filtered out so will leave off. but it’s dodgy stuff.

i HAVE queried as I have said a million zillion times. He gives answers which are clearly lies and gets upset if i press him. I have kept dropping it so far because i don’t want to fight. But recently it’s like the scales have fallen from my eyes and i’m sick of pretending i can’t see what’s staring me in the face.

i know he has no access to credit because he has ccjs. I know about these because he’s my brother. He also asked me for advice on if he could get them overturned and i looked over the paperwork for him.

oh and he bought himself a jetski a few weeks back! a guy on benefits with no job and no credit.

Look I’ve been telling myself for years he’s probably some small time cheeky chappy del boy type who’s hustling here and there, fingers in pies. But I need to face facts. You might make enough from del boy-ing to buy a few rounds of beers extra on a night out. Or to fund the odd trip to aiya nappa. You don’t make enough to go round buying jetskis unless you’re up to your neck in something bad.

I suspect Spy

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:49

BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 22:45

Unless it's a council place he's subletting he won't be making much off that scam, housing benefit will only pay him enough to cover the cost of a single room in a house share at his age. Sounds like you've misunderstood and assumed he's doing something illegal, subletting isn't illegal.

Yeah could it be that he took out an ‘expensive’ lease on a flat, became unemployed had to sublet the room because he couldn’t get housing benefit and therefore had to move into a house share and use housing benefit for that.

It also makes no sense if he has £1000s of pounds from his drug smuggling trade

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:49

BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 22:45

Unless it's a council place he's subletting he won't be making much off that scam, housing benefit will only pay him enough to cover the cost of a single room in a house share at his age. Sounds like you've misunderstood and assumed he's doing something illegal, subletting isn't illegal.

Subletting isn’t but

if you rent a place at £200 a week
then claim housing benefit to cover the full cost, so you get £200 a week benefit
then sublet it for £250
and then rent a place for £100

pocketing the £100 change for benefits

that’s definitely illegal

The benefits thing is sort of a rabbit-hole, i wouldn’t get involved in reporting him for it though i do not approve. The thing i am concerned about is drug dealing / trafficking

OP posts:
BarHumbugs · 18/08/2024 22:45

Unless it's a council place he's subletting he won't be making much off that scam, housing benefit will only pay him enough to cover the cost of a single room in a house share at his age. Sounds like you've misunderstood and assumed he's doing something illegal, subletting isn't illegal.

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:44

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:36

Raised him? You said you were both millennials but in your OP you say he’s much younger? I don’t think this post can be real

I also love the idea that i’d make up an imaginary brother and imaginary moral dilemma just to spend all evening online expanding on this imaginary universe 😂

i can assure you we are both real

OP posts:
cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:42

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:40

Why would he do that if he’s making £1000s in drug smuggling money though?

Hah. Good question. no idea.

OP posts:
Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:40

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:38

The one i know about is he got a lease on an expensive flat, then claimed unemployment and got housing benefit to cover the rent, then sublet the room for more than he was paying in rent, and then moved to a way smaller / cheaper place. I’m not sure of the details (as i didn’t want to know, i don’t approve), but he explained it as he was quite pleased with himself

Why would he do that if he’s making £1000s in drug smuggling money though?

cantbelieveimaskingthis2 · 18/08/2024 22:40

Lizzie67384 · 18/08/2024 22:36

Raised him? You said you were both millennials but in your OP you say he’s much younger? I don’t think this post can be real

I’m an old millenial, he’s a young (?) millenial. He’s 11 years younger. Our parents had lots of problems (story for another day) so i did most of the care for him when we were young. Then i left home and the wheels came off for him sadly.

I’m trying to avoid too much identifying detail though thats gone out the window a bit now

OP posts:
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