To be hating my family holiday

I went away last week with my 10yo & 13yo, both are autistic and I'm AuDHD. We had an awful time as they were out of their safe space and routine, despite them choosing the holiday (Butlins) I've realised we should have planned a lot better so they knew what to expect. I'm not the best at dealing with overwhelming situations, so a pretty miserable holiday really. In the past I've taken them away individually, but all of us together seemed too much

We've just returned from two weeks in France with our only child 9 year old. We stayed on a campsite for 10 days and in hotels for 4. She was absolutely fine with us in the hotels, happily coming on day trips etc. On the campsite however she was whinging and moaning every time we took her out because she just wanted to be in the pool/ playing with friends. And then after the friends left she was moping around, even though we tried our best to play with her. Holidays with only children are difficult. We try very hard to go to places where there will be potential friends (these sort of places are not my ideal holiday, I'd rather be away from all other people!), but because you cannot guarantee someone of the right age and nationality being there who will want to play it is all quite stressful until she finds someone. Luckily this year she found another only child who was 8 so that was perfect. Last year she befriended the french girl opposite which was also good. But it is still quite stressful until that happens. Need to think about our approach going forward - I think we need holiday clubs but nielsons/ mark warner etc are much more expensive than campsites! We did a week in NYC earlier this year and we were so busy that was great, no moaning whatsoever. We also did Camp Bestival this summer and she was not happy there as most people are already in big groups, so not much friend making potential. She did find someone on the last day. She prefers pools to beaches, very happy with a city break also. Her main requirement is pool and friends to make.

I have just had an absolutely brilliant family holiday at a Sports and Crafts Hotel (Manor Resort in Devon). Had wall to wall activities with something for everyone, so many different crafts, sports and a spa! Have a look!

I want to come on your holidays 😄

In response to op though, one of my kids is happy wherever. She takes books and likes swimming and reading and visiting places. The other (younger) feels out of his comfort zone although he very specifically does like a luxurious place to stay 😆. He's better if he knows exactly where he's going and what he's doing. I suspect he'd love it if we took along a friend for him to play with too.

To paraphrase what Alain de Botan once said about the philosophy of holidays on TV, they'd be nice if you didn't take yourself (or your family) on them. I'm just back from two weeks of family "adventure" (meaning complaining). Fun!

I think half the problem is we put pressure on ourselves to have the best, most perfect time and when it doesn't work out like that it's easy to feel pissed off and resentful especially when you've spent a lot of money.
On our holiday I felt the kids had loads of screen time in between the pool/beach. Basically whenever we were in the room they were on screens. Sometimes had to resort to using them at meal times for the little one too. I remember saying to dh it's just like being at home, they don't care where they are they just want bloody YouTube.
The key is to lower expectations. Don't think that just because you've gone somewhere new and spent loads of money that they'll suddenly be different kids. If anything the change of routine sends some kids wild (I'm lucky that mine are pretty good with this and actually tend to sleep and eat better than they do at home).
But yeah, holidaying with small kids is not really a holiday. Nor is holidaying with grumpy teens. I'd say the sweet spot age is probably 6-10 when they're old enough to take part in clubs and stay up late but still young enough to actually enjoy spending time with you.

What do you people do in cities to make kids hate them? Cities are full of museums with kid activities, parks with interesting play areas, a harbour/ airport/ view of hill or beach to look at, tour bus or boat trips, lego or other niche shops, dungeons or high buildings, markets, etc.

My kids are happiest if the are at the beach every day. They’d hate a city break though.

I used to hate family holidays as a kid. I just wanted to be out playing with my friends and at home. Being away, dragged round sites and doing stuff I wasn't really interested in doing. Just seemed like hassle.
As an adult I'm pretty similar. Holidays are a lot of work and money. Although a change of scene does do u good, if you make the effort.

Single parent who has always taken child on hols on own.. it's hard work! As you are their play buddy etc.. so I never sit and read a book by the pool as I'm in when he's in etc. They will soon be grown and will want different hols. Mine is now older and likes to spend time on his tablet or phone and that gives me a bit of peace :)

What do you do at home that’s different? Do you let him sit on screens all day?

@LaMadameCholet so did we as children! Any moaning would have been quickly sit down. But we were always happy to be on holiday!

Actually this is a good point DS was often very tearful at one point around this age - it was in park another random mother said it was often a hormonal change around this age.

Though Op second post does make it sound like a long standing problem as they've tried various holidays and none seem to have her child happy.

Does the moaning get him attention?

Sometimes firmly telling them to knock it off - can help - depends on cause of moaning.

Next holiday kids club - leave with DGP ?

DH is an only child - he entertained himself on beaches across Europe with little input form his parents- though his parents did leave him home when he was cubs/scouts age for few years when he was on camp. When they invited themselves on our UK family holidays they were shocked how child focused they were - the kids were young and very energetic so we booked accordingly.

So he’s always like this when on holiday?

Have you tried taking a friend of his with you?

Maybe he’s just a home bird.

Some children are fast-approach, love change and new things and adventure. Some are slow-approach and just like their own home. You can't change the one into the other, sorry!

I find holidays with my ds 6 great to be honest. Usually some moaning etc but much easier to keep busy than at home, and we have more time to play with him. Was actually saying the other day how next year we need to spend more of the summer holidays actually on holiday, because it's when we are home that he is moaning and whining 😒
Definitely get him in his own bed though, he's more than old enough! Also, places with kids clubs are great for a break and for him to make friends

You’ve done your best. Kid sounds spoilt, bloody awkward and difficult.

Ds12 is football mad, just wants to play down the park (wherever we are). Currently on holiday, bought football, dropped him to nearby park, an hour later collected him, he was playing with a group of kids, training and kicking about, had a blast!

Completely agree. Just because you're on holiday doesn't mean you stop playing with/ entertaining them 😅

Totally disagree with this. My kids love a beach / pool / city break holiday. They've been to Disney never talk about it.

Is he just lonely?

We have only ever had holidays only child dd would love so very repetitive and we’d take lots of toys and games to amuse her. That obviously changed with age. She is now 16 but when little was a water baby. My preference of all of these is all inclusive abroad with lots of Brits (to find friends). Otherwise center parcs - UK/Europe, Disney, Butlins, static caravans with a pool uk and abroad.

It is hard with young children and I understand some are really thrown out by a change in routine.

OP is your DC a boy? The only reason I ask is our DS 7 has a lot of big emotions at the minute. One day he's an absolute joy and another he's very grumpy and can't snap out of it. I did read about a big development between 6-8 for boys that affects hormones etc. I have heard similar from school mums of other boys their age.

We went to Cornell earlier this summer and his moods were so bad me and DH ended up so stressed and arguing too. We considered driving home early but stuck it out and glad we did. DS been much better over the summer holiday.

I think just a beach hotel would bore many though, adult or child. I couldn’t just stay at a pool all day for 10 days, with a short walk to market.

We are off tomorrow, just a few days. Ds is only child. Will be exploring caves, castles, treeptop climbing, interactive museum, zoo. Combined with wander around town, food out, dip in lake, ice creams. Our hotel doesn’t even have a pool this time. He’s an active child at home, so he’s not going to suddenly sit next to beach chair quietly.

Will do a few days at beach and pool type place next month, but it’s a) only 3 days b) ratio of 4 adults to 1 child, including MIL who wants to spend time with Ds so they will help entertain and happily dig in sand and go in pool with him. I couldn’t do 10 days though

I also just lower expectations. I assume Ds will share our bed, not eat healthy and be up early. So anything different is a bonus

It's not a silly question it could.be quite valid. If it was a newish partner or a first holiday away with the partner that dc might be playing up or or attention seeking in a slightly insecure way and if that might be the case providing some reassurance and one to one tike might help.