To think you should compliment someone’s home?

Disagree. I used to say nice things about people’s homes and then I realized most of the time it wasn’t genuine.

Yes, I think if it's a new home, you'd find something nice and mention it. Not every time you visit but that first time is usually to show you their home so there's an expectation of a comment. Even if they live in a cave you could authentically mention how lovely and cool it is! Find something nice to say! :)

Why would you not just compliment it? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of white lies? A new kitchen costs a fortune, as well as a lot of headspace. Why not just do the nice thing and tell them you think it's lovely. Or compliment one of the units, flooring or tiles even if you don't think they go together.

Is being honest about something like this really more important than being nice? Do you go to a wedding and tell the bride her dress is white, or do you tell her she looks lovely?

Those aren't compliments though - they're simply statements.

And what if you don't spot anything that belonged to your host's mother?

I don't think anyone's advocating lying. To me there's always something both positive and genuine to say and @redskydarknight @LoneHydrangea's examples are perfectly good ones.

Er, never crossed my mind really.

If I genuinely love someone’s house or they had just had it renovated I would mention but I wouldn’t feel obliged to.

I am not overwhelming interested in other people’s homes really and I certainly don’t choose my friends on the basis of where they live.

@HoppityBun @PinkCast @redskydarknight you know your right it really isn’t a compliment! This has given me a little pause..maybe I think I’m complimenting but I’m really only commenting. In effort to keep post short I didn’t elaborate but I probably would join it to the house…it looks so nice on your fabulous new cooktop or you look so lovely in the necklace and I’m sure it’s so happy to be out of the jewelry box and living life (I do give “emotion” to objects). I think with friends or in certain social situations I feel more comfortable to compliment or “comment” and I absolutely want it to be genuine. In ob serving people I do think many go to effort on their homes appearance holiday tree or party and it’s my way of saying…I have noticed your hard work and effort and it’s lovely well done you…I do not randomly compliment people say like my patients on their clothes altho I have coworker/employees who do with nearly every patient and it is disingenuous.

I can only imagine that it would sound rude and patronising to compliment a house you didn't like. Just keep schtum.

Family member previously "complimented my "big beautiful house" when it's small and ugly. They may as well have spelled out small amd ugly. I was stung.

Yes it's the polite thing to do.

I don't expect people to tell me my house is nice? Only if they really did like it? I wouldn't be offended if they didn't say anything

Neither of the things you mention are compliments, they're just observations.

I'm not offended by genuine compliments however I don't need them to feel happy with my choices either. 😬

You’re only friends with people who have similar taste to yours?

this. If they want to show me something newly done or I got the "would you like to see the house" then I'd compliment, but I'd be led by the conversation and not do it routinely. Honestly I'd find it a bit odd if someone did it to me.

Of course you should always look to say something kind and positive to a friend. I really try to make a point of doing it. It doesn’t matter if you like their taste or not, so it’s not ‘lying’ to try to find something nice to say. It’s just how social interaction works really. It makes people feel good and feel that you value them and want them to feel happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.

If someone clearly wanted a compliment ('let me show you my new kitchen colour!' etc) I'd say something even if it it was a tiny lie/evasive e.g. 'It's brighter than before, isn't it?'
But unprompted I don't tend to remark on people's houses if I don't genuinely like them and feel like doing so. I don't expect it from people either; I think with good friends they're there to see you, not judge the house, and with others, while I say e.g. 'How nice of you to have me over' and like it if people say similar to me, I wouldn't give specific compliments that I didn't mean.

Re the boost, I was at a do a while ago, colleague arrived, kiss on the cheek you look lovely. Oh thank you. Realised 2 mins later that they were saying the same to every single person. That was the opposite of a boost, well even worse as I'd actually thought they meant it. More fool me of course, I usually assume all compliments are rubbish - which this thread reinforces which is helpful.

Used to have a female colleague who would compliment something every time we interacted, I did want to say to her Angela you know you wouldn't be seen dead in what I was wearing and vice versa so please give it a rest.

So compliments are nice, but people can spot a serial complimenter a mile off - find something else to lie about!

I never do unless asked directly if I like something and even then I find it can be awkward because I will be honest if I like it or not, they ask I tell. I'm there to see them not the contents of their house and prefer not to be asked.
Some friends ask because they want to brag about it & want you to be jealous of what they have, which I never am, I really don't care what anyone else owns.

It’s this type of lie dressed up as etiquette and politeness that makes life hard for me as a neurodiverse woman.

It’s a compliment to the teapot or to the grandmother’s taste. Owning the teapot is good fortune- luck.

surely you can give a genuine compliment ..oh you have your grandmums teapot out… or some thing like that

How is that a compliment? It's just a comment. If you'd said ... oh I love your grandma's teapot, it's so beautiful... that's a compliment.

I would never say ‘your house is lovely’ if it wasn’t. I might try and find something to say something nice about, but I wouldn’t be fake if the decor was hideous.

I went to a colleague’s house recently. Her decor was what I’d call ‘Mrs Hinch’ - lots of grey, lots of bling and things like a mirror in the shape of angel wings and plastic fake topiary in boxes either side of the front door. The nicest thing I could think of to say was how spotless it was, and it really was.

I can usually find something I like in someone's house, so I will say so! If you can improve someone's day even just a tiny bit, why wouldn't you?

Who the fuck is coming up with these random ideas of "good manners "? 🤨