To think you should compliment someone’s home?

Traditionally, hundreds of years ago, it was considered bad manners to compliment someone’s home or clothes. Because it should be taken as read that it’s lovely iyswim.

But in the modern day it’s considered good manners I think

Admiring someone's curtains isn't taking an interest in their lives.

Right.

It is to most people. Manners, showing affection, showing care. Taking an interest in others' lives.

The OP says you should compliement on the first time visiting regardless. Regardless. Shithole or not. Vile decor or not. Stunning interior or not. Regardless.

I don't think giving false compliments is necessary. Neither is scrutinising the place for something to comment on if theres nothing to your taste.

A genuine compliment is nice but only if it comes to you naturally.

Different if it's a young person's first place or someone has just moved in but I don't need all and sundry to comment on my choice of decor unless they genuinely like something. Instead, one of my best friends helpfully pointed out that she didn't like my curtains, that was a refreshing approach!!

Sometimes it feels like certain Mumsnetters have never actually interacted with a human being in real life before.

Of course you say something nice about someone's home

I feel I am in a minority on MN sometimes, as I love interacting with people. I mix with all sorts of people throughout each week. Indeed I've just got in from a social occasion where I only knew dh one of his colleagues (and I've met his colleague's wife before) but where everyone else was a stranger to me, and I've had a lovely time. I have loads of friends and am also very happy mixing with people I am friendly with, and people I barely know. I just like to chat and get on with most people.

But don't comment on people's homes when I see them, unless there is something particularly noticeably different or lovely. Same as I don't go into work each day and start commenting on people's hair dos. I don't go to my hobby and start making personal remarks about someone's clothes.
It's just odd.
If I saw someone dressed up for a wedding that I usually saw in football boots and tracksuits or kit, then I would say something about how we all scrub up nicely. If I went to someone's house I go to regularly and they'd had a complete and obvious change, then I'd comment.

So I'd comment, if something was completely different, not every week when I walk through their front door - that would just be bizarre.

No.

Yes, makes total sense, doesn't it? 🤣

Personally I’ve been lucky enough never to encounter this, and I think it’s clear people are not talking about visiting shitholes. Why go to such extremes.

So, if you don't want to lie and say you like someone's home when you don't like their home, its because you envy them the home that you don't like enough to be able to compliment them on without lying?

No, it really did make me feel much worse. You've summed up how I felt and feel perfectly.

So most people on here are saying they wouldn't necessarily compliment for the sake of complimenting, but yet you've picked my comment out to say you can't believe I'm asking it?

So if you walked into someone's house and it was filthy and smelly and looked awful, you'd just compliment them anyway? That's weird.

I think most people like a compliment if it’s delivered in a heart felt manner, doesn’t matter if the person is telling the truth or not, doesn’t mean uou can’t also sit and talk about deep and meaningful stuff. Although to be fair if every time I saw someone they always wanted a deep and meaningful id feel exhausted by them eventually. As conversation should ebb and flow across multiple paths,

Except that it clearly didn't make anyone feel good about themselves, except maybe the poster's friend as she thought of herself as being very "polite". Also, it's a bit of an assumption that I need someone's platitudes to feel good about myself. If you are invited to my house, I honestly just want you to sit down, have a cup of tea and spend some time talking to me about deep meaningful stuff. You don't need to fill in the gaps with small talk or fake compliments. I think, deep down, most people would prefer that.

Have you missed the fact that it wasn't my home? No need to berate me.

I don't think she was either snippy/made people feel small or in possession of poor social skills at any point nor did I think she was "charmingly down to earth"...just increasingly wearied, exasperated and not having the energy to entertain the fawning at people being so desperate to compliment a building site that they totally ignored her instructions and the fact she'd made it clear that she wanted them to make their way out of the construction area and into the area of the house that was finished and where the party was taking place.

She very clearly explained they were originally supposed to enter the party round the back but her husband had lost the key, that guests needed to please ignore the "bombsite" (as it wasn't meant for guests) and to make their way straight down the hall to the kitchen.

To ignore that, stand gawping at a freshly plastered wall, gushing about the pattern formation when she was already stressed and had explicitly asked them to just head straight for the party room was pretty poor in the social skills department too, no matter how well intended.

"I'll just not bother painting then shall I, if the partially wet plaster looks so good? Please...just go to the kitchen...you weren't meant to see this part!" and "That's not paint. It's plaster. Kitchen. That way. Please! Food's getting cold." Was as "snippy" as it got.

Agreed, a combination of envy and poor social skills!

How would you know?

Especially when your host knows you're lying because they're part of the same circle of fibbers and know the script!

No. You should be genuine. If you like someone's home say so by all means, but if you don't, you shouldn't lie. There's always something nice you can say as a guest, compliment the food, say how good the company has been, whatever, but it needs to be sincere. Otherwise its worthless really.

You seem to think that those of us who say we would compliment a friend's home after saying so because we expect others to compliment our homes. That's not it, we're talking about giving not receiving compliments.

Have I? How so?

I think you have misunderstood my post:

not with people who fib about liking my house! 😁

Isn't it a given that you say nice things about the things that matter to your family and friends?

I think the idea is weird and fake