To think you should compliment someone’s home?

Yes I agree - thats what the majority of posters who are talking about complimenting are saying: that they can find something positive to say.

in responses posters weirdos are saying you shouldn’t “poke around people’s house looking for something to say” or “I don’t want friends who lie” or implying that is abnormal to comment on things that matter to friends and family. Batshit

Our present house is very unique and lovely and my DP is looking forward to the lack of compliments when we leave. I would not comment every time unless something new but if visiting for the first time then I would probably try to compliment though I am super awkward and find if I am thinking I must compliment something it comes across really insincere even I genuinely mean it

I can generally always think of something nice to say about a house. It doesn't have to be to my personal taste for me to compliment it. I went to a colleague's house recently and it is not to my taste at all - completely the opposite to what I'd choose - but I could still appreciate the fact that it was all beautifully and thoughtfully done. It wasn't my kind of decor (and she knows that we have very different taste) but it was very well-executed and the moment I walked into her living room I said 'Oh, what an amazing room, you've done an incredible job'.

We started renovations on this house in mid-2021 and it’s nowhere near finished, we’ve just taken a pause to scrape money together for the kitchen part, as we’ve gone over-budget, and I’ve had to take on extra work. We’ve had court proceedings with our first builder, endless stress with two demanding FT jobs and a primary school-aged child, have had two gas rings and a microwave to cook on, and a fridge-freezer that lives in the living room (along with the dining table), and spent a full winter wearing coats indoors because of knocking down the back of the house, meaning two formerly internal doors were now external.

We still have people round, though mostly in summer so we can eat in the garden, but none of this means I expect house-related compliments from visitors, sincere or otherwise. The most you could honestly say is ‘I’m sure it’ll be worth it when it’s done!’

I wouldn't expect anyone to say anything nice or nasty about my house. If they don't say anything why should I care? As long as I like it, not too worried about what other people think.

I don’t think it’s middle class thing at all. If anything I think popping round for a cuppa and seeing a friend’s house is quite a working class thing to do. It’s good old fashioned manners. It’s being nice. It’s not lying is it? Whether you’re working class or aristocratic it’s the done thing to walk in someone’s house and say ‘Jane, good to see you, ohh new sofa? That’s lovely’ or ‘this house gets such a lot of light this time of day’

No one is talking about waltzing in to a rancid squat all Hyacynth Bucket and saying ‘Good grief this architecture is exquisite darling. Have you thought about contacting Country Living and asking them to run a feature?’

It’s just being nice and finding something to compliment them on.

Yes, or ‘I love what you’ve done with the cupboard under the stairs!’

Is the house tour partly a UK cultural thing? I’ve lived in several other countries and it didn’t seem to be de rigeur in the same way. At least people didn’t offer with an air of doing something expected. (Nor in London, come to think of it, but ‘Here is my tiny 1-bed. You can see pretty much all of it from where you’re standing’ is probably not that exciting.)

We’re midway through a lengthy renovation of a Victorian wreck, but it wouldn’t occur to me to offer a ‘tour’. It’s a pretty standard house, and the only thing to say would be ‘Here’s the bit that’s not still a building site’. My actual friends would probably say ‘Shut up, we’ve already heard too much about the mysterious leak/rodent infestation.’

The OP asked if a friend who is visiting for the first time should compliment the house. She clearly feels hard done by because she always compliments someone's house even if she doesn't like it. And a friend she hosted didn't, presumably. No mention of the extensive house renovations as far as I can see.
Essentially, what OP is implying that she would rather her friend lied to her out of politeness than not commented anything at all. It's a completely different issue from what you are describing.

what?

Your first two sentences are so refreshing!

Goodness folks are really sensitive about their houses. This doesn’t seem to be about you shouldn’t compliment someone’s home. It’s mine isn’t great so let’s not mention it.

I don't want or need compliments about my house. It's unremarkable and there is not much to say about it.
(and no it's not in a fabulous location, it's a modern house with small rooms and the light is awful).

I certainly don't want visiting friends to feel they have to think of something to say about it out of some sort of politeness. I'd much rather they showed they were happy to see me, then the house.

what IS this notion, that you won't know that your friend is lying to you, when they make some inane and unbidden comment about your house??

Oh lord save us all from the house tour. I used to live somewhere interesting (as in examples), so did my brother (not a brag, we were both renting small places at the time, just happened on old quirky houses). People used to always want to see the full place. I was happy to show them but felt such a tit. I would never now in our much more ordinary place. What are.people supposed to say?! Oh great, I now know where the box room is!

But in that case you don’t say it’s gorgeous, you say great space,or fabulous location, great size garden, great light in here . It’s still a compliment, likely a lie, but again you’re not to know that,

Absolutely. 😂

my friend did exactly that, full blown renovation . Wasn’t what I’d have done. But I still walked in, told her how lovely it was and did the tour admiring it. Anything else would have been shitty.

Yes, it’s gorgeous. There are various paints (like F and B’s Setting Plaster) that try to emulate it, but it never quite works. A friend of mine just decided not to paint over the plaster.

The thing that intrigues me about this stuff is (based on Mn and some of my own experiences as a non-UK person living in a village in the midlands) is people giving visitors ‘house tours’. (1) While this might be fine if you’ve renovated a derelict 17th c gate lodge or lighthouse, there’s generally not a lot to say about the usual open-plan kitchen with Quooker tap, and someone’s airing cupboard and (2) it does seem to be inviting compliments.

Or, I would say something like "wow it must be great not living in a building site anymore" I don't need to give fake compliments to engage with people. I also have lots of friends.

This.

You say "Oh wow, the kitchen is finished - you've worked so hard to do it all; it must have been a real labour of love. Are you pleased with it? Was it worth all the sacrifices"

Showing an interest and acknowledging their work and effort without mentioning the colour of the units. And giving them an opening to tell you all about how difficult the renovation was (which is something they probably are wanting to tell you about).

And also very much this.

You can be kind, empathetic and positive without being fake, lying or patronising as many previous examples have been.

I only compliment if I mean it, regarding anything

No but that's different to just complimenting a house you've never been to. The OP didn't say a new place, or if they'd renovated or decorated. Of course you'd recognise the effort made even if not to your taste.

You say "Oh wow, the kitchen is finished - you've worked so hard to do it all; it must have been a real labour of love. Are you pleased with it? Was it worth all the sacrifices"

Showing an interest and acknowledging their work and effort without mentioning the colour of the units. And giving them an opening to tell you all about how difficult the renovation was (which is something they probably are wanting to tell you about).

Or, I would say something like "wow it must be great not living in a building site anymore" I don't need to give fake compliments to engage with people. I also have lots of friends.

Imagine a friend has spent 6mths renovating a house that they saved hard for, they’ve had no hot water or kitchen and have lived on microwave meals from a “kitchen” set up in their hall. They’ve used every last penny to get the house completed and spent the last three days off work so they could clean and tidy. You hate the colour of the units.

mumsnetters: (walking though house into kitchen, studiously ignoring transformation) “so how was work this week”

also mumsnetters; “I don’t know why people don’t like me, I’m friendly I ask polite questions….”

But I wouldn't want you mentally poking around for something or say. My home isn't to everyone's taste. It's to mine, with a lot of aspects I have chosen because I find them beautiful. That's fine.

Why do you imagine your positive opinion holds so much weight? Save compliments for when they're genuine and spontaneous.

I mean, there are occasions when they're expected such as a new baby, or the bride"s appearance, a new home, ok,, but someone's home you've not been to before really doesn't make that list.

Those comments could really quite patronising and like faint praise to me. Why bother? Just be good company and enthusiastic about seeing your friend. Especially 'i wish our garden...' why would you be comparing your house? It's a bit materialistic.and intrusive to be looking so closely just for the sake of paying a compliment. Focus on the company and how they're doing

this absolutely