To think you should compliment someone’s home?

Not so much, no. Like it’s polite to take a house warming gift when someone buys. New home. Or a gift for the host if going for dinner, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be offended if they don’t.

Well, I think so, yeah. People are saying it's polite to do it, and impolite not to do it. Apparently, as the homeowner, I should consider the lack of a compliment impolite.

Actually, I tend the other way. I generally find vacuous compliments impolite. The implication in that case is that I'm either too stupid or too shallow to recognise it for what it is.

That’s not the implication though is it.

The implication is that I should be offended if my friends don't compliment my home - which they might not as they're under no obligation to share my taste.

If they see something they like and mention it, fine. But I don't want them making an actual effort to find something to compliment.

What's the point of that for either of us? Who benefits?

The comments on this thread and others.

based on what?

That's my quote in this text, so I'm guessing it's at least somewhat directed at me.

You're generalisation is bizarre. I usually do compliment people's homes - as it happens. But there is nothing whatsoever what taking a different approach, notably the one I mentioned.

What a strange thread.

Actually I genuinely believe there is a strong correlation between those who don’t wish to compliment and those who don’t like visitors and don’t like their own homes.

I’m with you. From my own personal experience and that of my ND friends, I don’t care what people think of my things. If I like them that’s what’s important. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my clothes or furniture etc. it’s completely irrelevant to me. In turn in wouldn’t occur to me to compliment a house because I don’t need mine complimenting.
it’s not about being ‘cool’. As I’ve already said, the ableism on MN is very apparent.

That's an extraordinarily rude comment, and frankly says so much more about you than the poster it's aimed at.
How embarrassing for you to make a virtue out of being so shallow 😬
Mortified for you.

No. I'm abundantly aware I'm not like the other girls, unfortunately - people like you are always making me aware. How many times do I have to explain I'm neurodiverse? Does it make you feel better to mock someone because they can't pick up on the unwritten psychic rules of neurotypical conversations and social norms. I'm not a "cool girl", "pick me" girl or any of that nonsense.

What I am is honest. So no. I don't need platitudes or compliments or reassurance about my house or me. Genuinely. It makes no odds.

And I don't think that makes me better or worse than anyone else. Just different from some. And less rude than you based on your awful comments to any one who doesn't share your opinion on this thread.

You could well be right here.

What's wrong with just saying: "Thanks for having me round, it's lovely to see you." I don't get the pressure to compliment the house itself.

This. I suspect there is a cross over between people who want visitors to compliment their house, and the posters who don't like people popping in because they haven't had time to make their home into a showroom. Whereas I visit people to see the people not their house, and I feel the same about people visiting me. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with people who judged me on that.

Why be so rude? People are allowed different views than you. Why is it weird or batshit not to value a compliment that is given as part of protocol rather than because the giver is particularly keen on something? Two different approaches.

I’m not four and I am neurodiverse. But if putting down people who are not like you is your thing then go ahead.

This, to be honest I've never not been able to find something positive, easy location, nice location, nice setting, views, garden etc etc you don't need to even comment on the interior design but even then I've never found something I couldn't honestly compliment.

I don't believe the test for a compliment should be would I choose it, I can appreciate things I would choose myself.

Goodness that’s over the top in terms of your first paragraph. All we are talking about is complimenting someone’s home.

Well, I think that on quite a few Mn threads, but in fairness, on this one I’m also wondering whether the visiting friends get subjected to the House Tour where everything is narrated in mind-numbing detail, down to the Big Decisions about the en suite floortile grout colour or whether the rug in the living room sufficiently picks up the ‘pops’ of teal from the curtains. In which case I admire them for staying conscious.

I also think that having visitors is clearly a huge deal for a disproportionate percentage of Mners, who don’t answer the doorbell, get straight into their pyjamas at 6 pm, and say the reason they dislike unexpected visitors is because their house isn’t ’visitor-ready’. So presumably when they actually invite people, it’s a rare event, they’ve spent forever tidying, they’re not necessarily at ease with people in their space, hence needing compliments and reassurance, and finding it upsetting not to get them.

Whereas for people who are more casual about visitors in their homes, who take a more relaxed approach to tidiness etc, it’s not necessarily clear that it’s such a big deal.

I think I’m coming to the same conclusion as the PP who suggested that a lot of people on this thread don’t actually interact with other people irl, and I can also see why not.

Thing is no one is “desperately” looking for something to compliment. It’s really not that big.no one is walking into a shit tip and saying wow love the decor. Nor do you do it repeatedly. None of the many extremes people are posting applies. It’s just not that deep.

There is always something to compliment, unless it’s really very bad shit tip state, It doesn’t take a lot of thought, or any really.

personally in my experience people love a compliment, be it wow great house, or lovely space, to that’s a really nice top. Or great hair style, if said with feeling and in a genuine manner it makes people feel good. So I will carry on complimenting when the occasion calls for it. First time visit, work done, new hairstyle, dressed up, meal provided. Whatever. It’s never done me wrong. And always been a positive.

WTF is this comment??

it is not 'pick me' to not subscribe to this fake platitude way of interacting with so called 'friends'

but besides that, this poster has said she suspects that her not feeling the need for compliments, may be an aspect of her neuro-divergence ffs.

It's accepting that not everything needs a compliment.

I don't need telling I look good every time I venture out the house. If I'm wearing a new dress and made a special effort, then it might be nice to get a compliment, but I already feel good in myself, so I don't need one.

On days like today, when my hair really needed washing but I didn't have time, so it's just pulled back in a pony tail, and I've put on clothes that are clean but nothing out of the ordinary, it's not particularly nice to have someone tell me I look good. I know I look perfectly adequate, but not that good. If they told me my top was a lovely colour, I would think they were being fake or were desperately trying to find something to say. I'd rather they just asked about what I did at the weekend tbh.

Same as with my house. My house is perfectly nice; I like it, but it doesn't need complimenting by people who come in the door. It's not that special.

If we start complimenting everything "just because" how can we tell the difference between something that is really worthy of note and the fake white politeness lie?