To feel so sad about my life

Don't tell your neighbour to go fuck himself. Tell him very coldly to please stop shouting at you, that you haven't been stealing his water and he needs to contact his water company to find out why his bill is so high.

I don't see why it has to end your friendship with his wife, just see her away from him. For all you know she thinks he's a complete arse and is only with him because financially/culturally she feels she has no other options.

Jesus, what a pity fest party you’ve arranged for yourself. I can’t even.

Hi @tearyeyedx

As a lifelong people pleaser who genuinely only ever means well, I get this and how unfair it feels xx

Just remember that you are worthy and you are of value and you are doing an amazing job caring for your child.

What I've learned is that the only person who can make us happy is ourselves. External things or people can make us more comfortable or enhance our experience, but not make us happy. They say that our experience of life in many situations is not about what is happening around us, but what we are focussing on, so I've tried really hard to focus on the nice things - a sunny day, blue sky, a roof over my head, a comfy bed etc. Gratitude journaling also helps with this. If you write 5 things down a day that you are grateful for, it gradually shifts things ...

And yes, comparison is the thief of joy. I've known those people who treat others so badly, who seem to be doing so well, superficially, but they are not really happy - happy people don't feel the need to treat others badly. You treat people well, so congratulate yourself for that xx

Yes, I know, there is always someone off worse than yourself, but it doesn't invalidate our experiences xxx

I find meditations help - if you look up Great Meditations on YouTube, for example, they do lovely guided meditations, including ones on gratitude, self worth, happiness etc. Most of them are only about 10 mins but they give a little gentle reminder ...

You've got this xxx

It all sounds very hard.
Start with telling that neighbour to get lost snd have nothing further to do with him.
Ring the police about him and keep ringing.

You will feel better!

The way I look at it is like this. Though it looks like these people are having great lives, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Especially when there's been cheating in the relationship. And for the really shitty ones, Karma will catch up to them eventually 😁

It is interesting that you are focusing on the negative responses more than the supportive and positive ones. It perhaps gives an insight into how you view the world around you.

You should definitely seek some kind of therapy, though with a sick child it will make it much harder for you to engage. You definitely need some support.

Tell your neighbour to go fuck himself.

Excuse my bluntness but I used to feel like you. Took a lot of work to realise I was the problem. People don't like nice people pleasers, they like people with boundaries. You can still be a kind person with boundaries and a backbone. I used to internalise everything and could have written your post only a couple of years ago.

Life is very unfair. The only control you have is over yourself. Start with that piss taking next door neighbour.

People close to me always say 'you're one of the good one's, a dying breed, the sweetest soul'.

What people are really saying when they say this is that you have no boundaries and let people walk all over you. It's not a compliment. It turns off stable, decent people, because they want to engage with other stable people with good self-esteem, and it attracts users and abusers, who will exploit you without reservations.

You can really help yourself by developing some boundaries for yourself and doing way way less for other people. Possibly with the support of some therapy, if you can afford it. As you've discovered, being a people pleaser doesn't make people like you. Rather the opposite. They sense that you don't like yourself, and if you don't value yourself, why should they?

That’s a good idea about finding support among other parents with children with your son’s condition.

It doesn’t have anything whatsoever to do with ‘luck’, but if you continually seek to serve others, rather than seek out egalitarian relationships with people who like you for your personality rather than your usefulness, you’re more likely to end up in poor, unequal friendships and bad relationships because you don’t approach them in a way that recognises your own worth, not what you can do for the other person.

Whether or not you’re a size six and pretty or have ever done anything ‘bad’ is irrelevant to hard things like your child’s illness. That stuff is really difficult, and it’s not handed out on merit or as punishment. But you didn’t pursue CM for your child, you decided it wasn’t going to be worth it, just as you appear to have decided your neighbour isn’t going to be your friend any more because her husband has a grudge against you, and that bad people come out on top. Challenge those beliefs because not only are they not doing you any favours, they’re actively hampering you. Ask your neighbour friend for a coffee. Start child maintenance proceedings, and use the backdated money for therapy and childcare, and/ or retraining. Start dating if you’d like a relationship, and have worked on your boundaries. It sounds as if it would be beneficial to you to unpick some of your belief patterns.

This sounds like you really could do with counselling. That's a good place to talk about such things. You've suffered a lot in the past and it's a struggle to feel worthwhile when others lives look superficially easier. I'm going to go out and say that they are almost certainly not as happy as they look on the surface.
Ignore the neighbour who claims you're 'stealing water'. He needs to take it up with the water company. If he persists then you could report him to the police for harassment.
I hope things improve for you. When bad things happen it's not because you deserve them or not, sometimes it's just lessons we have to learn to move on our lives in future.

The other 1500 children may not have your son’s exact illness. But I can guarantee there will be many with other physical or mental health problems or social issues. And who don’t have a devoted and caring mum.

Having a son who is so unwell that you have to be nearby every day must be really tough. He is very lucky to have you.

Bluntly. You've set yourself up to fail. Why on earth would you help neighbours? There's nice and then ridiculous. You sound depressed so go to the doctor's. If your neighbour continues harassing him then report him to the police. As for all these other people, why do you give a shit what they think? Get out of victim mode and start building up your self worth.

You sound like you're waiting for someone to come and give you a medal. Yes, you've been dealt a hard hand with your son's health and ex being a shit.

So go and grab some joy for yourself. Doesn't have to be fame and glory - grow a pot of flowers and enjoy it, or have a nice meal once a week or something you look forward to. Something just for you.

Keep applying for cms. Will he stay self employed forever? You did it once, apply again. If you want to date and no one from your culture is interested, go for someone outside your culture.

Maybe it's bleak but if I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself I think of other times in history that were harder - imagine those 16 year olds who got blown to bits in the trenches in WWI, or families in Chernobyl, or women living under the Taliban. There's always someone who has it better and someone has it worse than you. To some people, your life would be unimaginable luxury. Whether you're lucky or not, this is life, we all die one day and you have to find joy where you can.

If you're going to start saying you're size 6 and pretty so more deserving of a partner/happy life than other women, that's a bad road to go down.

Can you team up with other parents with kids in a similar situation? It sounds like you want validation. Someone to say you're doing well and it's hard so your efforts aren't invisible. Go and find that for yourself.

Bad things happen to good people. And it’s not fair.
I have a friend who is a great person, and the pure shite she’s been through would turn your hair white. Terrible!

I’ve been lucky enough in life. No money, don’t own anything.
But not too many bad times. My DH is hard work, though.
I have one child. But like you say, I’m not one of life’s “winners”.

I know you’re feeling shit about your lot right now, but wallowing and feeling bitter are self destructive. A change in mindset is as good as a change in circumstances. Maybe not today, we all have days we can’t get out the bit but your life as a whole isn’t shit, you need to try to see that.

OP sorry about your struggles but I just want to say I truly believe in karma and your time WILL come. You know sometimes when people have it all they end up getting themselves into all kinds of self-destructive crap just out of boredom, they aren’t really happier. If everything is going well most people end up somehow unfulfilled ironically. You just don’t see that side of things. You have a lot going for you and you do have a reason to keep going. I have a best friend who is genuinely the nicest person ever and had the worst luck with love. I still tell her not to be disheartened and her time will come. I don’t necessarily think therapy or drugs is the answer. I have been through a lot of trauma since 2017 and still struggle. It can be helpful to talk to someone who understands, who listens, just a laugh with a wise soul, distance from social media and focus on life’s little pleasures. Do things with your son to help you meet people who are similar to you inside, perhaps not on paper. Try and sort out this water issue and don’t be hurt by the wife just give the situation a bit of time. I am sure it’ll be fine in the end with her. Don’t do much for her in future though.

Stop seeking validation from others. You don't need to do everything for everyone else to be a "good person". You don't need to do everything alone for your DC to be a "good parent". Put in some boundaries. Buy a self esteem workbook online or do a course on self esteem. Learn to say no. Go after ex through cms for child support. Back-date it. Use the money for a big holiday or to hire babysitters occasionally and join a course/hobby/group to get some time to yourself, socialise, learn new skills, grow, meet some new people.

Life is hard and unfair.

However. A dispute with a neighbour shouldn't be a trigger for you to bewail every bad thing that's ever happened to you in your life as if it was all a conspiracy.

People who are rich and beautiful can suffer too. Just count your blessings and get on with it. And stop being such a martyr - you choose to help neighbours, that's nice. But it's not your job and doesn't make you a saint.

Remember that you can’t change who you are at the core. And do you actually want to be a horrible person? I’m sure you don’t.

I am in my 50s. I have no regrets in being somebody with kindness and integrity, though I also have boundaries. If something goes wrong in my life, people will be behind me and support me because I have been decent all the way.

And you seem to be focusing on very extreme examples of people who have behaved horrifically and doing amazingly well now. Most people are muddling along somewhere in the middle.

Life is full of ups and downs for all people. The good people and the bad people. You don’t know what is going on in these apparently successful people’s lives. I’m sure they will have their internal struggles too, whatever they share on the outside. I hope your time will come.

No one deserves to have ill children. Do you think people who’s children who have died of cancer deserve it?

Your post is very woe is me. What I see in your post is someone whose parents loved you and were concerned enough about you to uproot their whole lives, someone who is lucky enough to have a child and have a stable home, a house for 8 years.

Life can be hard and some of your life has been harder than others but equally millions of people have had it worse. Get some counselling to deal with your emotions, start being assertive and focus on what you have.