To feel so sad about my life

You’re getting some good advice and feedback here @tearyeyedx and some harsh and uncalled for criticism too.

I’ve not much to add except, keep your head up and be sure to save the bulk of your kindness for yourself and your son (other people come second). It’s ok to sometimes feel the way you do but if it seems an ongoing issue you need to get to your gp. Do something nice for yourself today, however small, if you can x

Neighbour problems can be the last straw. When the world feels like shit your home is the place you want to feel safe so you can deal with it all. Having that place disturbed can be overwhelming. I hear you OP. Hope things pick up for you.

Hi OP, not sure if this helps but as a bit of a lifelong people pleaser, I have felt pretty used in the past especially when I have been through low points and have had that feeling of the unfairness of it all when I compare myself to others so I just don’t anymore. You are just hurting yourself. I have developed some boundaries so that I am doing the kind, caring and considerate things because that is who i choose to be in my core as a person and not because I want validation or recognition from others because that will never happen.

If you are looking for someone to take the piss or be mean and cruel, you will find that without even looking but you will have to look very hard to find validation.

i read once that assertiveness feels like aggression when you are a people pleaser and it stuck with me. Continue to be yourself but recognise that it is perfectly normal to put boundaries in place.

I was badly beaten up by a BF when young and have had a child die. Only my very closest friends know this. Everyone else will see quite a cheery soul who has retired early and lives in a nice house.

It is very true that no one knows peoples real stories, only what they choose to share. Unfortunately your self esteem and negativity will work against you. Rather than being jealous you need to seek therapy and attempt to change your mindset.

There’s a morale to this story for you to learn….men are born like it, women need to learn it. The moral is be selfish, put you first, don’t step back for anyone else! (Children excluded obviously).

Don’t do things for people, start doing things for you instead. People won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself, it’s a hard lesson to learn, especially if your a people pleaser.

Keep trying with cma. He must be self employed but will have to pull some money out of his business to eg get covid furlough etc so that wil help you. Keep doing it.

Also please call your councils early help service to see about respite care for your sons complex medical needs it is usually available! Xx

This is perfect advice

Hi op I'm sorry about your child's illness I wish them all the health and healing possible.

It's natural to feel rubbish when life is tough. You need community. Have you got a ginger bread single parents group near you? Could you start one?

Please also ask gp for counselling. This helped me to prioritize my own needs and boundaries a little more rather than expecting people to do if for me. It also helps you realise it is ok to be selfish sometimes.

Your child deserves a happy mum who is thriving not just surviving! Xxx

“Good guys finish last”. And in the nicest possible way, being a “good guy” to the undeserving doesn’t make you a good person, it makes you a mug.

Start putting yourself first and you will be much happier.

I really recommend a book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”.

Two things OP

1. You only ever see snippets of peoples lives and never really know what's going on.
2. The people you've described the abuser and angry neighbour, they will be deeply unhappy inside, it can't be nice living a life where you're that angry etc.

You seem like a nice good person.

You seem to be fixed on a good relationship. So many people are better off by themselves

Start enjoying what you like to do. Join a club, go to the cinema etc

The neighbour. Fuck him. Dont do anymore for him

Start being selfish OP, if you feel being kind had only caused you pain.

Stop comparing your live to other people, tell the neighbour to piss off and focus on what suits you. Pick carefully the people you're kind to: basically your DC and vulnerable people who need a quick favour (helping an old lady carry her shopping to get car- yes, going round and doing errands for her every day- no)

I feel for you OP, I have two kids and the oldest is severely disabled and through no fault of him own makes all our lives very difficult, and sometimes I see people with four or five kids who are "perfect" and it does feel unfair. (I know I am very lucky is most other areas of my life, though, and obviously I adore my disabled child too). But the truth is that none of us know what is going to happen at any time, or even what is happening behind the scenes of other people's lives. Comparison really will kill all joy if you let it, as will expecting any justice in this world. It helps to just focus on the good things in your life and think of other people you aren't close to as just background characters in the story of your life - what they have isn't important because your story is about you! (Dunno if I've communicated that well, or if it sounds a bit psychopathic). You are the main character of your life, whether or not you have everything that you want or deserve. You have a child who loves you which is a wonderful thing. I hope you feel better soon and some lovely things happen in your life!

Also OP. I posted a similar thread to yours recently and someone said help someone once but don't do anything again until they reciprocate. It was good advice and something I will be keeping in mind.
I have been used all my life. If someone is going through a tough time I will be their best friend but as soon as they are back on their feet, they disappear. Or if I am of advantage to someone such as helping them with their dogs then again they are all over me until I can't do it any longer.
I have been a people pleaser all my life as well as constantly described as 'nice.' I have really had to work on boundaries as I keep finding myself in the same situations.

Believe me, I'm no Pollyanna, and I know life sucks at times. I think, for me, I just had to find a different way of looking at things. For me. Accepting the things I couldn't change and trying to find as much joy as possible where I could.. Even having a pillow and a bed. I know it's a really tough thing to do, believe me, when life is throwing lemons at you and you are unable to escape a situation. Just speaking as someone who knows hard times and wants to help. No judgment ❤xx

I totally appreciate you've hard a really tough time. However, there's a lack of logic in your post. If people are cheating they are clearly unhappy or unfulfilled in some way. If your ex feels so strongly against child maintenence that he needs to change his work and lie low then he's clearly not a happy well balanced person.

I understand. I had an abusive ex that continues to wreck havoc which also doing everything he can to avoid CMS (on this note - CMS are useless but you can go to tribunal which is free and easy and they'll likely resolve this). I have an autistic child having huge difficulties and rarely get a break.

However, the absolute best thing I've done is going local online and in person disability groups. Speaking to others also struggling with their kids keeps me sane(ish).

Although there's a lot I'd change I'm relatively content. My ex on the other hand spends his time trying to cause issues for me. Even though he is far more well off than me it's pretty obvious who is actually happier.

Which woman is this ?

a woman cheats on her husband and he brings up her love child as if its his and nobody mentions it.

Is it someone you know?
Regardless focus on you
Seek some counselling
Reach out to other parents with sick kids (bit find someone with a positive outlook)
Look up the

"Fking normal" podcast and Facebook

Your first love was not the love of your life
You were young got taken in
Love of your life does not abuse you

Yes, I think we often don't see the true or full picture. And whilst we might envy certain aspects o a person's life, would we really want to be that person - it means you have to take all parts of their life, including the less desirable parts. I wouldn't want to be anyone else ...

Go to the docs, see if he thinks you have depression.
Dont focus on your past, it’s what is dragging you ever down.
If you need it, see if there’s any help you need with your son.
Forget the “culture” crap of your life being over, it isn’t.
Dont get dragged into a war of words with next door, it won’t help. If lady next door wants to stay friends, then that’s good, but don’t interact with the male next door.
Focus on being positive, find some new interests, new friends, get out more, interest groups.
Just chill out more, and don’t leap in to help others too much.
Social media is a downward spiral at times like this. Don’t search out old friends, old relationships, focus on you, now and moving forwards.
Good luck.

Yes, I meant to say what @CobaltQueen said about nurturing yourself too. It's really important. I always felt bad about it - like it was selfish - but actually, to be able to care for others we have to be okay ourselves first. Just things like nourishing yourself with healthy food, reading a book, a face mask - anything that makes you feel good xx

And it's okay to say no :)

I am genuinely taken aback by some of these responses, but as you said, this is TYPICAL MUMSNET. Considering the majority of us are women it’s shocking that we can be so heartless and judgmental towards eachother. Don’t let any of these miserable sad fucks invalidate your experience, because guaranteed they look in the mirror and hate themselves, hence why they spread their shit everywhere in an attempt to drag others down.
Just know you are seen and understood. I feel exactly the same regarding my life experience as it doesn’t matter what I do, nothing seems to go right. Regardless of hard work, effort and perspective, nothing ever seems to pay off. I used to live in airy-fairy positivity land until I realised it wasn’t changing my experience at all. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice. I’m trying to believe that karma is real, and the good ones will have their day. You are not alone.
Sending you so much love ❤️
Ps. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk x

Time to step into your villain era.

I understand you, I feel the same way. Did what society and my mother said, good friend, loyal wife ect ect. Be kind blah blah blah. Been shat upon by most of them.

All bollocks. The phrase nice guys finish last is really true so I’ve been unlearning all of this training us women (specifically) get. I’ve had to kill my love and empathy and learn how to be cold and ruthless over the last year. Wish I’d started young.

Other people might look at your life and see you have your health, your family, your child and a nice house and think ‘she has it all, she is so so lucky’.

This isn’t intended as some toxic positivity ‘there are people worse off than you’ bullshit, but rather to illustrate that you never know what someone’s life is like or how happy they are just by looking at the things they seem to have. You don’t know what pain or heartache lies behind seemingly happy lives, and comparing yourself to others will never make you feel good.

Yeah, life is unfair. I struggle with that too. I have to just not think about it, as it drives you mad.

I do get it OP.
The most selfish man I know is adored by his doting fiancee, makes a ton of money and is always on holidays and fun days and nights out. He has almost perfect health despite abusing drugs and drink.
The most selfish women I know have amazing relationships, treated by their partners, lots of holidays and again, good health.
It's hard, it really is. It's OK to feel how you do.
With that said, if you are a natural carer (I am the same) then one thing I have learnt is that you need to have very strong boundaries. Focus on yourself more, you need that. Nurture your own needs, you are worthy of that x