To expect a 13/14 yo to get themselves out the door in the morning

She either gets herself ready and out the door on time herself or she needs to be up and dressed ready to go for you leaving for work.

to help to start with, you could make a time line of what’s she needs to do. Eg,
7.45 get up
7.50 breakfast
8.00 get dressed brush teeth etc
8.30 leave for school

If she can't mange to get out to school by herself, even with the support of checking everything the night before, she'll have to get up earlier and leave at the same time as you and her siblings.

Can you work out something that includes her leaving with you - can you drop her at her dad's/a friend's/breakfast club?

*pack

I knew from year 7 to sock my bag the night before. Why isn't she doing that?

Pack bag night before including any necessary PE kit. Bag by the door. Uniform hung up in room ready to go. Shoes by front door. If necessary leave bowl and spoon / cereal at the table for her. That way all she needs to do is wake up, brush teeth / get ready, put on uniform already waiting, eat breakfast already laid out, walk to door and put on shoes / grab bag.

My DD could do it no problem from age 12. My DS? Utterly different story.

Christ, DD was sorting out her uniform, including ironing, getting her bag packed, sorting out breakfast and getting herself out the door on time from the time she started secondary school.

Barring a child with additional needs, who on earth packs a 13 year olds bag for them?

I think you can try stepping up the supports eg alarms, remote chivvying etc, as PP have said, but if she is really struggling with it then it might be that she just really isn't ready yet, in which case I'd get her to leave the house at the same time as you. Is your drive to breakfast club in the same direction as her school or a different one? Is there a friend's house near school she could go to for half an hour before school starts? Or is the school library open for early study?

Not everyone functions well in morning is she getting enough sleep? She really needs to pack her bag and organise what she's wearing night before. Like many teens she's probably on her phone I have a strict no phones/screens on unless ready to go out door

I can’t believe people suggesting to lay out her clothes for her and pack her bag. She is 13!
Leave her to her own devices, she will learn. She will realise she is much more self-sufficient than she thinks she is.

At 13 and assuming no special needs, yes, she should be able to manage it. Maybe she needs to get up earlier (which may require going to bed earlier).

If she can't get up and out of the house once you are gone, then she needs to be up and completely ready to go by the time you leave.

Despite it being an hour early, if she can't be trusted by herself, she can use that hour to relax, read a book etc before setting out on time.

Give her two options - either she gets everything ready the evening before, and uses a series of alarms in the morning to remind her when to do each thing (e.g. alarm to get up, 10 minute warning alarm before time to leave, then alarm when its actual time to go) or she gets up earlier and gets ready while you're still home and then wait until its time to go (perhaps a good time to do homework?).

Appreciate its difficult for her but she has to learn, you have to work! She will get it eventually, but for now it is probably better than getting bag ready is done while you are at home (but she has to do it herself, and if she asks you where things are, remind her that she needs to find them herself, instead of you finding them for her)

I know children that have been doing this since 7 years old, I'm sure they all struggle in the beginning but they will learn from their mistakes.

Stop baling her out but insist she gets her arse to school no matter how late she is. One week of that and she will get her act together.

My twins have been self sufficient from 11. They still lose keys so we have a key safe but laying clothes out for a teen, not a chance. Ring helps. I can check they've locked the door and alarmed.

Yes!!! Same. I think us adults these days are soooooo diff from this new generation. My kids are bloody useless. (Young adults). Yeah I used to get myself up from age 11, dressed, breakfast, go to the shop to get the morning paper for my mum, feed the dog, make a cup of tea for my mum and take it up to her, sit and chat with her for 10mins b4 I had to leave for school. Oh those were the days. Kids seem so fragile these days. 🥲

Do parents really pack school bags at that age?

Many parents on here pack for their university age children...

I do not know if mine were unusual but they would have been mortified to have needed help to get themselves to school at that age, one slightly more than the other. There is a lot of satisfaction in being independent. I run my own business and frequently had other things to think about in the morning than whether or not they had remembered to put their PE kit in the wash.

Suppertime on Sunday is a good time to do a quick check of the coming week. Does anyone need a lift anywhere, is there a trip which needs to be paid for, remember to take house keys on Wednesday because nobody will be in when you get back.

If your DD is not ready to be independent yet, see if you can do baby steps towards this, with perhaps the aim of being successful by half term or January. Learned helplessness does them no favours, and if it is due to some particular difficulty all the more reason to do your joint best to overcome it.

Do parents really pack school bags at that age? I don't think I ever saw the inside of my DCs bags/rucksacks when they were at secondary school. I do remember one of mine frantically washing out a rucksack the day before term started one September, I think a squashed banana had been in there all summer!

YANBU. Checklist, pack bag night before, and if she still can't do it she'll have to get up an hour earlier and you all leave together.

I have one teen who has been able to organise herself in the morning without chivvying from age 11, and an 18 year old who still struggles to get up and out on time in the morning. People are different.

If you can't be there to chivvy, I recommend remote chivvying ie using smart speaker or phone reminders, if necessary for every step of the process and with plenty of margin for slowness/last minute losing things. Also getting them to sort as much as possible the night before.

Don't do anything FOR her. That will infantalise her and stop her developing resilience and self reliance.

Be aware adolescence is a time of chaos and change - their brains are like a chrysalis turning from caterpillar to butterfly and need time to develop and settle and mature. Time awareness, confidence, thinking ahead and consequences - all these are different in adolescents.

Help her plan and organise to do it herself. If she doesn't build these skills now, their absence will affect her in adulthood.

Supervise planning sessions where she produces her own checklists for weekend, morning and evening, shopping lists for back to school, etc.

Reminders and nudges to consult her own lists, praise when she realises there are bits missing and she needs to change something, well dones when she's all ready to go on time - support and feedback matters. It's your job, just as if you were a line manager looking after a team. And just as managers need to learn those skills, so do parents!

There's a load of advice on parenting teen girls out there - I liked this article

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-than-womens-work/201805/10-rules-for-living-with-a-teenage-daughter

I think they’re all just so different. Some kids will be absolutely fine at doing this.

I have one child who is very self sufficient and one who is older (similar age to yours) who needs constant reminders and even then she is often late.

It’s interesting because me and my husband are the same. He is extremely organised but I am a disaster and quite often few minutes late to work then I’ll realise I’ve forgotten my lunch etc.

I sometimes despair at my daughter who just simply cannot seem to get herself ready (or do her homework, or shower, brush teeth etc) but a. How can I judge when I’m similar and b. Comparison is the thief of joy! She’s not organised but she’s better at some kids in other areas.

I can’t give many tips other than getting up really early, getting stuff ready the night before, and setting alerts on her Alexa (e.g brush your teeth now, you need to leave in 5 minutes, etc!)

2 solutions.

You both pack together the night before and get her clothes out and ready.

Then

She gets up when you do in the morning and is ready to leave when you are so she won't be late as all she has to do is leave.

Then screen time is earned through doing these tasks and going to school.

If she can't organise herself you can't make her something she isn't. But also just because she struggles it's not an excuse not to work on a long term solution and a way around it. The suggestion above is a suitable solution.

Well because that wouldn’t help the OP’s daughter learn any life skills would it?

Helping her daughter to pack her own bag, and then building her a checklist till she can go it alone would be helpful.

We have also encouraged our teens to make good use of the phone calendar; so after school clubs, music lesson, late pick ups, PE- anything that requires extra bag or change of routine goes in the phone calendar. We run through everything on Sunday together- if I can't do pick ups/Dad collecting/need to take pe kit it is on there. Reminders then pop up the day before.