To expect a 13/14 yo to get themselves out the door in the morning

We packed bags the night before, their dad makes their lunches but we use the Echo dot in the mornings (actually it might be able to do it straight from the app on the phone but we have had it set up like this for a long time so I am not sure).

I made a routine which does voice prompt reminders, helps keep them on track and I set it up originally because I was sick of repeating myself, but it makes life so much easier. Plus if the youngest is feeling grumpier than usual she quites like mouthing off at echo because nobody gets cross with her for telling he AI to shut up

It can read the calendar out too so they get reminded if they had homework due/p.e kit/something stupid going on at school like a cake sale they have forgotten about.

This...

And in no time our teens were able to sort themselves.
No one wanted to leave with us and being dropped at school in the end.

Stop taking the panicky calls; let her be late and get in trouble once or twice and she'll soon improve. (If she decides she's "ill" and can't go to school when you know she's not, don't call the school. If the school calls you, tell them the truth). When the consequences fall on you instead of her, you'll see different behaviour.

DS can but he required a fair bit of training as naturally disorganised. Something that helped was setting lots of alarms with instructions. Brush teeth etc. brush hair, leave house sounds naff but it did help.

My 13 yo has terrible organisation skills. My 15yo isn't too bad. They have both been responsible for getting themselves ready and to school since start of year 7. No way would I be packing a bag for a child in secondary school unless they had significant disabilities preventing it.
There have been calls from my 13 yo about being late, being ill etc. My answer has been you need to go into school, I won't be calling them and if they call me I will not be making any excuses for you. Forgotten PE kits I did drop off once or twice on year 7 but then it was on them if they forgot it.
You need to just not fix things for them and then they learn to manage independently. They're only a few years from adulthood. They need to be prepared for that.

Love this.

But actually, I suspect there are more 13 / 14 yr olds who would find this a struggle, than there are 13 / 14 yr olds who wouldn't have any problem with it.

I think this is true of life in general. IME more academic people are less good with mundane practicalities.

Dd has been doing this since age 10 when she begged not to go to breakfast club anymore. I find it best to have everything organised ready the night before. I only got phone calls about petty arguments with her big sister which they know now that I refuse to entertain so these have stopped. What sort of disasters are happening? As long as pe kit/soecial equipment such as for swimming day is sorted, clothes and lunch are ready i can't imagine what there could be that's particularly urgent that can't wait til the next day. I have told dc that I am driving then in work so only to call me if it's an actual emergency!

But everyone's different and children develop at their own pace.

There's support and doing it all for her.

I agree that it sounds like it isn't going to work to just step out of it and let her miss a load of school. But packing her bag, laying out her clothes and/or quitting your job to be around to chivvy her are not going to solve the problem long term.

There's a middle ground where you ask her what would help her, and help her set those routines up.

I have ADHD and really struggled with this as a teen but I found my own way - very loud alarm clock set across the room, many lists etc. Even if she does have additional needs, she needs to find her own coping mechanisms - with help - not to be babied

I agree be ready and organised the night before.

Also, if it's possible just set an (egg) timer. So it goes off, time to grab the stuff and go!

The consequences might be quite severe and lifelong if she's in GCSE course years. I would help her now, she clearly needs it.

My 11 year old manages to do this with no trouble.

My two kids were either end. One (girl) liked to be early and got herself up and out and to school well in advance of the bell (they walked). Son, well if registration was over at 8.50 he thought 8.49 was a good time to head out. I never had to go drop in something my DD forgot - it was fairly constant with my son! Oddly my DD is not a morning person and my son absolutely is!
So now son is 21 and has worked since he was 16 (part time then). He has never been late for work and is usually the first one there. He is disciplined and focused. He has lived on his own since 18, pays his bills, organises the dentist etc without any prompting. It's because he didn't care about school - it was a social club for him that's all. My DD however is super academic and didn't want to miss a thing.
Motivation counts for a lot. You have to figure out how to motivate her to get to school.

It doesn't really matter if other 13/14yo can do it. You have to parent the child you have in front of you, not some imaginary/idealised version of her.

She very clearly needs support so you need to do something to arrange that.

Whether that is supporting her to completely pack her bag and lay out her clothes the night before, or rearranging stuff so you can be there, whatever - she needs help.

Seriously? She is a teenager, not a 3 year old.

I had the same with my DS even though I was giving him a lift. We would get everything ready the night before and he would still run late. It was so stressful. This went on for a couple years and then suddenly he was ok.

Why not get HER to pack her back and lay out clothes the night before. She's not at nursery FFS

Surely you could help her prep her morning the night before if you know this is something she'll struggle with? Have everything laid out and bags and lunch packed and sitting by the door so all she should need to do is get washed and dressed, pick up her things and leave?

This.
This is what we do. Nomolly-coddling here.
Both of them are now very competent at organizing themselves. They even pack their suitcases and manage the documents they need for travel and check-in, etc. They're both in their early teens, the situation was not always the most ideal. However, through experiencing tears, tantrums, and a few detentions, they have gradually come to appreciate the value of orderliness and conscientiousness.

OP are you sure there's no neurodivergence?

Mine are autistic and need a lot of help. I had to go self employed in order to be flexible enough to support them. My DD is 15 and absolutely wouldn't be able to get herself ready and out in time to catch a bus.

How does she learn. I'd assume she isn't a creature of habit otherwise she'd be out on time. Does she work well with lists? Could you have a timetable near the front door. She can then add anotations to it, so P.E day what exactly she needs to take. Plus a side column of extras such as bus pass, phone charger that she might not think of?

Then every night she sees what she needs to pack into her bag and does it with guidance initially from yourself and then you gradually step back.

She may be 13/14 but might just not be there yet or have the coping mechanisms in place to just stop and think without a meltdown.

The person who said leave them to their own devices..no, the devices are the problem. Do some googling and work out how to restrict access to phone and Wi-Fi between certain hours of the morning. My guess is that she’ll improve.

It’s really not her fault. The apps are designed to keep you wanting to be online.

I love this, seems like he has such a bond with his dad but also that you are all open enough in your household to be able to discuss the issue.

What time does her school open? Can you take her with you and deliver her at school after the little ones have been delivered at breakfast club?