Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

@Juliet194 This thread is not a discussion about how men and women are supposed to meet. It's about the OPs experience of a man who could not pick up social cues and ruined her solo night.

In other words, a discussion of how men and women are supposed to meet.

@shuggles

The discussion is about how men and women are supposed to meet, without men having to approach random women during a night out.

I would say online dating or through mutual friends. I had little interest in meeting men on nights out when I was single.

If you would like other opinions, please start your own thread. This thread is not a discussion about how men and women are supposed to meet. It's about the OPs experience of a man who could not pick up social cues and ruined her solo night.

Yeah I mainly did so as to make sure I found the venue ok-figured they probably knew where they were going. I only did it that one time, I wouldn't bother now. I did have to ask for directions in Manchester one time but that's all I bothered anyone.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I'm a woman though...not many men were attending a Take That concert I could tag along with 😆it was years ago, I was like 19.

@Bodeganights The discussion is about how men and women are supposed to meet, without men having to approach random women during a night out. Surely your response isn't that men should have maintenance jobs which allow them to enter and move around workplaces dominated by women? It would be nonsensical to suggest men change careers to do that.

We don't go to the pub for "obligatory bonding," because it's a workplace. We're not 20 year olds. People return home to their families and spouses in the evenings, they don't head to a pub for a piss up. How would you even be able to get home after that if you have driven to work?

Vaping is extremely harmful and the long-term effects are completely unknown. It also means having to go to the smoking hut, which is cold and winter and will expose you to a huge amount of second hand smoke.

Sigh, yes you seem really unable to grasp the simplest idea.

One, this is a predominantly female site, we will post our own lived experiences. If that's different to men, go look on a predominantly male site. So when I say maintenance guys, its cos I'm a woman. Amazing.
Two I said the pub for the obligatory bonding. Not during work hours, often on a Thursday or Friday, if you dont go you havent been invited, maybe that should tell you something.
Three get a vape and have an excuse to go outside the other workplace. I'm not suggesting you take up vaping, it's just a tool.
Four get a hobby.

@Bodeganights And by in work we dont necessarily mean actual colleagues. The delivery people, the maintenance people, the guy who runs the baked potato shop, the pub staff that you visit for "bonding" the guys from another company over the road. Jesus you seem short of thinking.

I don't talk to anyone doing deliveries. And almost all of them are men.

The people who do maintenance are almost always men.

There are very few workplaces near my workplace, and almost of the people there are men.

We don't go to the pub during work because we are busy doing work.

We don't randomly walk into the other companies on site.

I don't think I'm short of thinking. The only people who I talk to who are not colleagues are people doing business with the company.

And if initiating a workplace relationship is a bad idea, attempting to intiate romance with a customer contact is an astronomically, insanely stupid idea.

Er no, any man who continues to push when he's been told he's not wanted is scum.

That's really sad. I've travelled extensively in Europe on my own, dined out on my own, attended probably 100s of concerts, classical and non- classical on my own, in the UK and Europe without ever having to feel I need to tag along with another group.

The only time I think I've tagged along was leaving a venue in Camden where you have to be careful you get the right southbound train on the Northern Line.

For some inexplicable reason a bloke who'd been at the same concert and had been pelting alongside me to the same underground station had somehow got it in to his head I had picked the right train and I for , an equally inexplicable reason had done the same. We realised at the same time and both blurted out " but I was following you" Sounds bizarre but we managed to get ourselves on the right train.

Have you never been in a nightclub? Not all areas are insanely loud. There are breakout areas that are quiet.

And by in work we dont necessarily mean actual colleagues. The delivery people, the maintenance people, the guy who runs the baked potato shop, the pub staff that you visit for "bonding" the guys from another company over the road. Jesus you seem short of thinking.

FWIW I've had two long term relationships amazingly one I met in work and another from a nightclub about an en ago.

Would you tag along with a group of men? For your safety, or for theirs? I think your answer to that might guide you in future.

For myself, if a man started walking with me (a lone woman) I would pull back and let them pass. I don't know them, they might be ok but they might just as easily not be. In a group of women I would not feel the same anxiety if a man edged into the group but I wouldn't feel comfortable about it.

Women are instinctively attuned to the risks of being around men they do not know and trust. It's not personal, it's biology. I think your plan to give women space is a good one.

I've done loads of things on my own. Usually I don't bother talking to anyone because I'm naturally an introvert and loner anyway. The fact I never have to see them again is the only appeal. It's just if you're travelling to a concert you haven't been to, and you spot a group of women who clearly are going to the same concert-it's not a bad idea to try and strike up a conversation. Safer for me as well as a lone woman wandering London or somewhere. Last time I did it I could tell the women weren't exactly pleased to have me tagging along (just the short walk to the venue) so I held back and didn't bother walking with them anymore. My natural position is to think "I'm bothering people" though, so I'm hyper aware. But a lot of men clearly don't have that problem! I honestly won't be putting myself out there again though thanks to this thread.

I don’t disagree. I just think a bloke who pushes for past knowing that a woman is married is absolute scum.

Christ alive, do it the old fashioned way
Via friends, in the pub, in a hobby group, at work. Why would anyone want to meet a random fucking man with absolutely no background?

Or if you must do it in a more modern way try dating apps. At least then you know the woman is open to meeting a man.

Does this really need explanation.

Er no. Single, divorced and widowed women have just as much right to be annoyed by behaviour like this.

The line “my husband…” is the clue here

He was quite clearly hoping to pull.

Ah yes, true.

I cant imagine why he hung around after finding out she was married, he must have thought she was up for an affair. So bizarre and entitled

With respect it's not women's problem if a poor man doesn't know which women it's ok to strike up random conversation with. Maybe they could look to join a club where they could meet ladies they have interests in common with? Then things would probably happen organically

Lonely in the romantic sense, not the friendly sense. He probably did want to shoot his shot, the dirty old bugger.

Now in this case maybe the old fella was lonely and I get thats not the OPs problem

He wasnt "lonely" though- he was literally with a group of his friends and deliberately left them to start wanging on to the OP about his divorce. I agree with PP, I dont know why older men always seem to think young women give a shit about them blathering on about their personal circumstances.. We dont care about some random older man's fcking divorce details. Why would we?

Or in my case happily married with two teenage kids but still love going out to places by myself to shows, pubs, cinema, theatre, etc as I like my own space sometimes as well 😁

Shuvie, it takes a very base level of (male) entitlement to plonk yourself where a woman is and expect her to entertain you. It's not a woman's job to do that. Ever.

Not all men are dunderheads and many can read signs very well indeed - even those that choose to override them and plough on regardless.

To suggest that women need to be armed and ready with a firm, verbal 'go away' instruction is awful really. Why the hell can we not just be left alone as a default?

Wtf why would it be? Has it ever occurred to you women may be single or widowed and still want to have a life?

There's nothing wrong with starting a conversation with someone, as you say you've got to initially meet first and start somewhere!
Think the best way is to learn to read the cues - if someone says "won't your mates miss you?"
don't be like "no, it's fine" as probably usually means "can't you piss off back over there?!" 😁
Especially when it's coupled with turning their back on the person doing their chatting, they're clearly not wanting conversation.