Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

@Warmfeet

i said up front-I have also travelled alone plenty of times. I just found it odd to go to this sort of thing and book a table at the front for just herself, a bit odd. Cinema/theatre/meal alone -perfectly normal.
So you think lone women should hide themselves way way in the back? 🫤

i said up front-I have also travelled alone plenty of times. I just found it odd to go to this sort of thing and book a table at the front for just herself, a bit odd. Cinema/theatre/meal alone -perfectly normal.

Misunderstanding at the outset - you thought he was asking to take away a chair and he thought he was asking to sit at your table. I think the best way (isn’t hindsight great) would have been as soon as he sat down to say ‘Oh sorry I thought you wanted the chair for your table. I wasn’t inviting you to sit here.’ He might have been a bit mifffed but he wouldn’t have stayed.

How small minded to think it's weird to do things on your own and it must mean you're desperate for company.

YANBU, I would bloody hate this too.
I hate that it is assumed that if you are sat alone, you must be lonely and would welcome company.

Why is it? It's 2024! Women don't need to be chaperoned everywhere. . I personally have travelled the entire world alone. I have been to Australia, New Zealand, Spain, France - all alone. I have eaten alone, drank alone and thoroughly enjoyed it! So sorry that you feel the wish to label me "odd".. I personally love my life and feel sorry for the small minded people who've never left their own town and fear being alone!!! Seriously, live a little!

Really?

OMG what is it with men who think that they can just hit on a lone woman, and that she should be grateful for his attention?! Years ago,I would have just put up with this,but now I'm older and wiser and quite frankly,don't give a shit about offending some random man who thinks I should be grateful for his company,I just tell them I'd rather they didn't sit there,that I'd like to be alone. I'm past caring now what men think.

Honestly I agree?! These comments seem mad to me.

If OP didn’t wanna socialise with him (fair enough), what’s wrong with just saying, “oh, tbh I am just here to enjoy the act and have a bit of me time. I’d rather just sit by myself, thanks 🙂”

Obviously if he kept on pestering after that, it’s a different story.

I don’t get why anyone has to be rude or aggressive before that point tho.

The man was totally out of order to sit down and start talking to you about himself. What audacity. Good for you for sticking to your guns and telling him to go back to his friends. If it was me I would not have talked to him in the first place but told him to leave my table alone, thank you very much. We women are conditioned to be too polite to chancers like this who think it is OK to invade a woman's space and expect her to respond positively. Don't let this put you off enjoying going out on your terms.

@florizel13
One of the joys of being 60 is I can call into a pub occasionally on my way home after a busy day at work for a quick glass of wine and something to eat and be pretty much invisible

It is sad that you have to feel invisible to go to a pub alone and also didn't do it until such a late age.

One of the joys of being 60 is I can call into a pub occasionally on my way home after a busy day at work for a quick glass of wine and something to eat and be pretty much invisible ...except on one occasion when some bloke made a comment about careful not to get nachos on my " old hands" ...clearly felt he had to insult me for daring to enjoy my own company

@rookiemere the protection thing was more in hindsight, I didn't worry about that sort of stuff at all at that age. In fact not even until I came on MN did I realise how much other women worried about going out alone at night. It was more so I didn't get lost-back then we didn't have smartphones, and it was my first time alone in London. I'm much better now, no probs doing anything alone. And yeah that's exactly what happened-I soon left them to it and did it on my own anyway. I regretted asking in hindsight as it felt a bit sad. Worked out to be a great night tho-the women I sat next to at the concert were super friendly and awesome and included me and we had a great night.

And it's not cliquey as someone says below, to want to spend the night you have planned and paid for with your own friends without extending it to someone you don't know.

Again the flip side of expectation of socialisation of women, but somehow it's different because the other person is female.

@Firefly1987 "I've done loads of things on my own. Usually I don't bother talking to anyone because I'm naturally an introvert and loner anyway. The fact I never have to see them again is the only appeal. It's just if you're travelling to a concert you haven't been to, and you spot a group of women who clearly are going to the same concert-it's not a bad idea to try and strike up a conversation. Safer for me as well as a lone woman wandering London or somewhere. Last time I did it I could tell the women weren't exactly pleased to have me tagging along (just the short walk to the venue) so I held back and didn't bother walking with them anymore."

I have been to concerts by myself as well, sometimes it's better than going in company if you really love the band.

I get that you may have felt unsafe walking alone, but just as we shouldn't accept a lone female having to have her space invaded by a man who doesn't read the clues, it doesn't seem right either that a group of women should have to share their pre planned night out together because someone has chosen to go alone and needs protection. It's yet another case of expectations on women - why can't they just have the night out they planned without having to include a stranger, simply by dint of that person also being female.

I think in that scenario you should be very clear about what you're asking of them - just like the man at the tribute band should have been. " Hey, what a great concert. Is it ok if I walk with you to the tube as it feels a bit unsafe on my own?" and then just like the bloke, if you're getting a lukewarm or negative response then go and find someone else to walk with.

The bit about ‘a man who could not pick up social cues’ feels quite relevant here….

Probably had something to do with the fact she had a front row table and he and his mates were stuck right at the back 😂

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe oh now I can see how you could read it like that as well! No worries!

I just remembered being in a similar situation to OP (although I wasn't alone which would've been worse) this guy was non-stop talking to me at a gig and not reading the fact I wasn't interested. It was the first time I'd been out since my dad died and it was basically so I could drive my brother and his friends, since I don't really drink. Show took ages to start and I didn't like the music.

This guy starts talking to me who is also about 20 years older than me (I was 23 he had to be at least 40) and my brother was trying to get him to leave me alone in a jokey way like saying I was married and stuff. It was weird for me as all my walls went up even though I didn't have anything against the guy and he was nice enough. So I do know how OP feels when something like that actually happens. I know I shouldn't but I always feel like I was rude when I think about it. But nothing was gonna make me receptive to anything that night. Men just don't seem to read body language though so he probably thought I was super friendly!

Firefly, read and interpreted that differently - that you were a man and that it was also safer for a lone woman.

I really thought you were male from your post. Apologies for that.

You could well be right, Sakura. I think it's a shame and if I were in a group of women and another joined us I wouldn't think of ostracising or excluding them, I'd imagine that they'd joined for 'safety in numbers'?

@Sakura7 yes that's more what it was, definitely the impression I got!

But I literally said in the post you replied to- Safer for me as well as a lone woman wandering London or somewhere.

I just said something like "oh you going to the TT concert, mind if I tag along for a min so I don't get lost?!" maybe it wasn't the cold shoulder they just weren't overly friendly. I've spent my life not wanting to impose on others so any hint of that and I'm outta there. It's a shame so many men are not like that tbh, although I think the tide is turning there. You see a lot of "I never approach women anymore" etc.

I can imagine it, some women can be quite cliquey in those kinds of circumstances.

Firefly, well that was a turn-up; I really thought you were male from your post. I've never received the response that you did. If I would have tagged along with a group of women (and I have), it was just accepted.

I don't know what topic of conversation you struck up or how that went but I'm baffled that you would have been cold-shouldered in the normal run of things? Stumped.

What's the big deal about meeting someone at work? Lots of relationships start that way, it's how I met my DH. There have been couples in most companies I've worked in, though the people involved generally don't work that closely together.

As long as one person is not in a position of power over the other, it's fine. If Jane in Accounts gets together with Dave from IT, so what?

DH and I got to know each other as friends first, which is far preferable to having a randomer impose himself on you at a gig.