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AIBU?

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Original poster

Prison life choice?

190 replies

Hceey · 17/08/2024 19:42

I don't understand my DN. He is in prison and has been in and out for years on short sentences.

He comes out, lives in a homeless group for a bit, robs food and drink. No drugs to what I know to. He then goes back in prison at some point.

The whole thing is fucking ridiculous and I want to help him. But, I don't understand him and his way of thinking. The support from the system is not there. Yes, I don't know the full facts, I admit.

He comes out and does the same thing over and over. He has no support, they send him out and what? I don't understand how the system is meant to work?

He will be out soon with nothing, no home and no job. I think they give him some cash, but that's it.

I can offer him a sofa, but not long term. I cannot afford to support him though and so he will go back to robbing.

I feel useless.

AIBU to feel the system is shite?

I'm posting because I'm hoping to hear from someone who knows or been through this. Realistically, how hopeful is it he will ever get a job with his past?

Is his future really gonna be prison then retirement?

OP posts:
DonnaBanana · 17/08/2024 20:37

Some people like an institutionalised life. He might not have freedom but he gets a roof over his head, probably less violence and drugs, and three meals a day for nothing. No council tax, no stressing over bills or a job. If you can thrive in the prison culture to be honest I could see why you might want to stay in it.

Papyrophile · 17/08/2024 20:36

NoLongerNHS · 17/08/2024 20:18

especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody.

Oh that is why the system is on its knees? Not 14 years of systematic starvation of funding and a confused philosophy about whether the aim of the system is rehabilitation or punishment.

I don't know the answer to this. I suspect it is not clear. But my uncle served a custodial sentence in the late 60s or early 70s, and worked his socks off for another 30 years for the guy who gave him a break after release.

FunLurker · 17/08/2024 20:35

Giving him a sofa is a start as he can then use the address to sign on. Once he's signed on he'll get benefits so can feed himself and then start looking for a bedsit, once in bedsit he can then start looking and applying for jobs.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 17/08/2024 20:30

In prison they have clean clothes, a bed, a tv, 3 meals a day, snacks they can "buy", friends, a community. Then they come out, they get given less than £50 and now they need to find somewhere to sleep, something to eat, something to wear.

You can see why they then want to go back in.

PonyPatter44 · 17/08/2024 20:27

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 20:03

When you say ‘the system’ what exactly do you mean? The prison and probation service are on their knees especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody. They cannot force him to abide by the law.

He won’t be able to get a job easily with all those convictions. And there is no housing.

People have to WANT to change. They need motivation or the ‘system’ can’t help. And prisons cannot people in for longer than their sentence even if it’s obvious they will reoffend.

What, so this is down to SDS40? So the prisons weren't creaking at the seams prior to the GE? News to me...

GivingitToGod · 17/08/2024 20:27

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 20:03

When you say ‘the system’ what exactly do you mean? The prison and probation service are on their knees especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody. They cannot force him to abide by the law.

He won’t be able to get a job easily with all those convictions. And there is no housing.

People have to WANT to change. They need motivation or the ‘system’ can’t help. And prisons cannot people in for longer than their sentence even if it’s obvious they will reoffend.

And prisoners/ex prisoners need support and opportunities

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/08/2024 20:26

Don't offer him your sofa. He'll just do it all from the comfort of your home. And probably rob/steal from you, too.

PonyPatter44 · 17/08/2024 20:26

The prison will be trying to get him housing and a job from the moment he walks back through the door. It's what we do now, and we are measured on it. Unfortunately we are very hampered by the lack of mental health and substance misuse services in the community. Successive governments have expected prisons to solve all society's ills without providing money or outside support.

But.... he has to want to change. Until he decides that enough is enough, nothing anyone does for him will mend him.

GivingitToGod · 17/08/2024 20:24

Hceey · 17/08/2024 19:42

I don't understand my DN. He is in prison and has been in and out for years on short sentences.

He comes out, lives in a homeless group for a bit, robs food and drink. No drugs to what I know to. He then goes back in prison at some point.

The whole thing is fucking ridiculous and I want to help him. But, I don't understand him and his way of thinking. The support from the system is not there. Yes, I don't know the full facts, I admit.

He comes out and does the same thing over and over. He has no support, they send him out and what? I don't understand how the system is meant to work?

He will be out soon with nothing, no home and no job. I think they give him some cash, but that's it.

I can offer him a sofa, but not long term. I cannot afford to support him though and so he will go back to robbing.

I feel useless.

AIBU to feel the system is shite?

I'm posting because I'm hoping to hear from someone who knows or been through this. Realistically, how hopeful is it he will ever get a job with his past?

Is his future really gonna be prison then retirement?

Hi OP, I have personal experience of what you have described and I agree with you. A family member has a similar story; painful, frustrating and exhausting to see. FYI, on one of their releases from prison, they were set up with a job by a service supporting offenders. But, as one poster has said, they really need to want to change themselves. You are an amazing lady.
Hoping and praying for your nephew

Littletreefrog · 17/08/2024 20:23

Does he want to stay out? Until he wants to stay out there is nit much anyone can do. For some it really is a life choice.

NoLongerNHS · 17/08/2024 20:18

especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody.

Oh that is why the system is on its knees? Not 14 years of systematic starvation of funding and a confused philosophy about whether the aim of the system is rehabilitation or punishment.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 20:03

When you say ‘the system’ what exactly do you mean? The prison and probation service are on their knees especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody. They cannot force him to abide by the law.

He won’t be able to get a job easily with all those convictions. And there is no housing.

People have to WANT to change. They need motivation or the ‘system’ can’t help. And prisons cannot people in for longer than their sentence even if it’s obvious they will reoffend.

NoLongerNHS · 17/08/2024 20:03

The system is underfunded so the support offered is patchy or non existent. But this is not the systems fault. He is making choices. Plenty of people get back on track. But is hard and you need to find your motivation to do so, which sadly he sounds like he does not have.

MoosakaWithFries · 17/08/2024 19:58

What was his childhood like OP?

Usually someone with this kind of lifestyle has experienced considerable trauma prior to their offending.

PumpkinPie2016 · 17/08/2024 19:48

Sadly, for the reasons you describe (lack of support) many do repeatedly re-offend.

It is very generous of you to offer him somewhere to stay and that, at least, may be a start.

The other major issue is that getting any type of employment will be extremely difficult for someone with multiple convictions. There are, however, places that do offer jobs to those who have been in prison. I believe Timpsons are very good - might be worth looking at and sign posting him to? Local knowledge may give other options for him too.

You seem lovely wanting to support him - do also keep in mind that you can only do so much - some of the effort needs to come from him.

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