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AIBU?

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Prison life choice?

190 replies

Hceey · 17/08/2024 19:42

I don't understand my DN. He is in prison and has been in and out for years on short sentences.

He comes out, lives in a homeless group for a bit, robs food and drink. No drugs to what I know to. He then goes back in prison at some point.

The whole thing is fucking ridiculous and I want to help him. But, I don't understand him and his way of thinking. The support from the system is not there. Yes, I don't know the full facts, I admit.

He comes out and does the same thing over and over. He has no support, they send him out and what? I don't understand how the system is meant to work?

He will be out soon with nothing, no home and no job. I think they give him some cash, but that's it.

I can offer him a sofa, but not long term. I cannot afford to support him though and so he will go back to robbing.

I feel useless.

AIBU to feel the system is shite?

I'm posting because I'm hoping to hear from someone who knows or been through this. Realistically, how hopeful is it he will ever get a job with his past?

Is his future really gonna be prison then retirement?

OP posts:
MrsCat1 · 17/08/2024 22:35

Has he ever worked and if so what sort of work? Does he have any skills or qualifications? In addition to 'offender friendly' companies I've certainly found employment agencies that will provide work for some ex offenders.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 22:29

OP has he tried to get a job through the job centre or a work coach while claiming universal credits? While prison or probation won’t currently do much in the way of education and employment, there are other services that can. But it sounds as though it’s not so much a lack of services but more his motivation. Sometimes, if someone is not ready to change their lifestyle, no amount of external support can change them.
If he knows you are there to support him, if and when he is ready he will know where to turn. But until then, nothing anyone can offer will have any real effect.

BluebellsareBlue · 17/08/2024 22:29

There has to be a want to change or it will never happen. You say how can he go on without having his basic needs met, like the rest of us, you work and you meet your own needs, benefits are there to be claimed if it's a low paid job. You need to claim them though

OldTinHat · 17/08/2024 22:18

He'll have a probation officer allocated to him. They are excellent at signposting. Maybe arrange to speak with them when he comes out and explain your concerns.

Singleandproud · 17/08/2024 22:14

It's a shame they can't offer them the option of military service for low level non violent crimes, same institutional benefits, food, board, instant community, learn a trade etc. Although can some different but similar issues when returning to civvy street.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 22:11

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/08/2024 21:37

Quite! It's a bit soon to blame Starmer for everything after 14 years of Tory chaos.

Erm I didn’t. This wasn’t a political post. I was simply pointing out that both the prison and the probation service have less time than ever to work with prisoners and very soon, most short sentence prisoners such as the man OP is discussing will be out at the 40% mark, being handed over to a probation service that is only seeing high risk offenders for weekly supervision. That has just been brought in. By the new government. Thats the facts.
How exactly is stating a fact ‘blaming the new government’?
The point I was trying to make is that the OP says the ‘system’ should see to his ‘basic needs’. What basic needs does she think HMPPS can provide when people who commit crime will be in less contact with the criminal justice system than ever.

Whose ‘fault’ that is was not discussed by me at all.

KerryBlues · 17/08/2024 22:09

I never knew going to prison for a small thing could totally ruin your life
What was his life like before prison, op? Was he in education; did he have a job and somewhere to live?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/08/2024 22:03

Perhaps he believes being in Prison is a better alternative than being on the streets. At least there he gets 3 hot meals and a bed.

Username056 · 17/08/2024 22:00

Could the “National Association for the care and resettlement of offenders” help? “Www.nacro.org.uk”.

ApocalypseNowt · 17/08/2024 21:57

St Giles Trust is a charity that might be able to help www.stgilestrust.org.uk/

quickturtle · 17/08/2024 21:53

Hceey · 17/08/2024 21:36

Yes, I worry that he sees life better inside.

I'm just struggling to understand the point of it tbh. I don't understand the system at all. DN will come out to nothing.

I understand prison as a whole. I understand it's to keep us safe from the people that would hurt us.

But, I don't understand what it's meant to do for the others? My DN is now unlikely to get a job and has no home. I was thinking he could volunteer and that would give him something. However, how long will that last until he feels sick of it. It will not change his life overall.

It's easy to say tough tit to him. But, that will just push him back to prison.

Maybe I'm just kidding myself. I just find it heartbreaking. I watched him grow up. I'm ignorant to a lot of this as I don't have anyone else in the family that has took this path.

I never knew going to prison for a small thing could totally ruin your life. Yes, I heard that, but always thought it was just something we told our kids to stop them being stupid. Maybe if it was just once it wouldn't. DN might be too far down the path.

Has he had any training in prison?

ilovesooty · 17/08/2024 21:41

I worked in drug intervention and offender management for years. The reasons why some people keep returning to prison are many and complex.

Lavender14 · 17/08/2024 21:40

I used to work with a number of young people who really struggled to manage life on their own. They'd offend so they could go back to prison where there were clear boundaries, 3 meals a day and guaranteed accommodation. It's a sign of being institutionalised and a sign of trauma. Really they need to provide him with extensive therapy to work out where this is stemming from and he needs to be leaving prison with a clear care package to help him sustain life in the community. Plus a job and a new support network. It's incredibly difficult.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/08/2024 21:37

NoLongerNHS · 17/08/2024 20:18

especially since Starmer introduced people only serving 40% of their sentence in custody.

Oh that is why the system is on its knees? Not 14 years of systematic starvation of funding and a confused philosophy about whether the aim of the system is rehabilitation or punishment.

Quite! It's a bit soon to blame Starmer for everything after 14 years of Tory chaos.

Hceey · 17/08/2024 21:36

Yes, I worry that he sees life better inside.

I'm just struggling to understand the point of it tbh. I don't understand the system at all. DN will come out to nothing.

I understand prison as a whole. I understand it's to keep us safe from the people that would hurt us.

But, I don't understand what it's meant to do for the others? My DN is now unlikely to get a job and has no home. I was thinking he could volunteer and that would give him something. However, how long will that last until he feels sick of it. It will not change his life overall.

It's easy to say tough tit to him. But, that will just push him back to prison.

Maybe I'm just kidding myself. I just find it heartbreaking. I watched him grow up. I'm ignorant to a lot of this as I don't have anyone else in the family that has took this path.

I never knew going to prison for a small thing could totally ruin your life. Yes, I heard that, but always thought it was just something we told our kids to stop them being stupid. Maybe if it was just once it wouldn't. DN might be too far down the path.

OP posts:
Carebearsonmybed · 17/08/2024 21:35

He needs a fresh start somewhere new away from his peers.

usernother · 17/08/2024 21:17

Prison isn't that bad for some of them. Sometimes they see their mates, get fed and watered, have a tv to watch, get drugs. It's often better than their life outside so that's why it's no deterrent.

Hceey · 17/08/2024 21:02

Thank you @mrscat1 I will look at the website.

OP posts:
Mischance · 17/08/2024 21:00

Release preparation is virtually non-existent; educational opportunities are sporadic. It's another of those underfunded and under-staffed statutory services.

The sort of services that might have stopped him getting into this pattern in the first place also fall into that category.

Hceey · 17/08/2024 21:00

Thank you to all.

I'm really struggling to understand the whole thing.

@Olympicprocrastinator I don't understand what you mean? You say there is no housing and he will find it hard to get a job, which I believe. But, how can he change if he does not have basic needs met?

How can I make him not rob to feed himself? How can I make him see prison is not better then being homeless on the street? I can tell him he needs to want change, but I need answers when he asks me the above.

@littletreefrog I think he wants to stay out, but I cannot be sure. He goes back to what he knows when it falls apart. I don't know how to stop it falling apart though.

@funlurker I'm happy for him to have the sofa. However, not for years on end. Last time he was out, he lived in a homeless group. I don't think any of the group had benefits money. From what I can work out, they just stole food and drink.

OP posts:
MrsCat1 · 17/08/2024 20:58

Private rentals are incredibly hard to come by. In the area where I work there is a queue of perhaps 15 people for each rental and ex-offenders will be at the bottom. But I have worked with people who have been housed by the council (took a long time) and also people who have got lucky and found landlords who specifically want to help ex-offenders. It's hard, very hard, but not impossible.

Btw the website I mentioned is unlock.org.uk.

quickturtle · 17/08/2024 20:52

FunLurker · 17/08/2024 20:35

Giving him a sofa is a start as he can then use the address to sign on. Once he's signed on he'll get benefits so can feed himself and then start looking for a bedsit, once in bedsit he can then start looking and applying for jobs.

It will take ages for him to find a bed sit he can afford and he won't be priority for council housing as he has a home

MrsCat1 · 17/08/2024 20:50

Yes people need to want to change but they also need huge support to allow this change to happen and the system just isn't there. I work for a charity trying to provide support for people straight out of prison and the odds are heavily stacked against them. Housing, employment, mental health and substance abuse support etc etc. In the end it's the easiest option for many to re-offend.

I would offer him a sofa as a starting point. Then get him signed on. It is possible to find work (I've supported people in doing this) but it is very hard. And look at whether he might have some chance of being eligible for council housing (needs a local connection). That's a game changer if you can get council housing.

And look at a website called unlocked for lots of good info including ex-offender friendly employers.

Good luck.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/08/2024 20:49

PonyPatter44 · 17/08/2024 20:27

What, so this is down to SDS40? So the prisons weren't creaking at the seams prior to the GE? News to me...

Errrm you completely missed the point of my post

Ophy83 · 17/08/2024 20:45

Redemption roasters is another business you could look at if in london

I listened to an excellent prison podcast a couple of years ago that may help with an insight into what how your nephew has been living /things that may help him. It's called Banged Up

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