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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
Wasntmeanttobelikethis · 17/08/2024 18:16

Feel most sorry for your mum, who was probably really looking forward to a rare family holiday, and ends up being the babysitter
Sister had obviously planned it all in her head, and when you ‘dared’ to go against her plans, she had a strop
Take your mum out for the day; leave sister with the kids!

DodoTired · 17/08/2024 18:15

Wow your sister is quite cheeky!

can you pay her back to make a point?

WeeOrcadian · 17/08/2024 18:15

Paying for the flights / holiday doesn't equal childcare

They're both CF and should've been open about their plans and the fact that they want childcare

TokyoSushi · 17/08/2024 18:14

Oh wow, what a nightmare, of course you aren't wrong!

How long have you got left? I'd be counting the hours and would never go away with her again!

Differentstarts · 17/08/2024 18:12

Your not their nanny if she wanted this she should of hired one.

DadJoke · 17/08/2024 18:11

Aside from your comments which were said the the heat of the moment, you’ve done nothing wrong. You sis is being pretty high and mighty.

”I am sorry I misunderstood your intentions - I had no idea that you expected us to stay all
week” is reasonable thing to say.

Candleabra · 17/08/2024 18:10

Oooo they’ve been very cheeky! Setting up a trip of a lifetime when in reality they wanted you there to look after the children all the time.

Deebee90 · 17/08/2024 18:10

They clearly brought you as babysitters so the only cheeky people is them. They should have paid for a holiday with a holiday club If they wanted to explore. Go out and explore. Ignore them , you don’t owe them anything .

RockyRogue1001 · 17/08/2024 18:10

I'm gobsmacked by their CFery.

Theirs, not yours to be clear

Different if they'd been upfront about it before you went

EmberAsh · 17/08/2024 18:10

Did your mum know about the plan to be childcare?

StormingNorman · 17/08/2024 18:09

Not cheeky at all.

Your DSis invited you all as babysitters and when you went out for the day you spoilt their plans. Out of interest, did your DSis and BIL stay home that day to share childcare?

Your dad was probably pissed because your mum had to do even more childcare than normal. His anger shouldn’t be directed at you though.

HyggeTygge · 17/08/2024 18:09

Trox · 17/08/2024 18:04

So, you've paid for flights out to a babysitting gig with a running buffet?

Ha, that's basically it!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 17/08/2024 18:09

Yanbu. They should've made it clear they wanted childcare before you accepted them paying. Expecting you to stay in the resort is just weird, most people want to explore and eat out.

Olika · 17/08/2024 18:08

So this paid all inclusive for the family was actually to have childcare in place for them to be able to enjoy honeymoon without kids. I would go crazy if I had to stay in the hotel area every day. I would want to see the area and experience new places.

35965a · 17/08/2024 18:07

Your sister and her partner are most definitely the cheeky fuckers here. If their holiday offer came with strings they should have been upfront about it beforehand.

RedToothBrush · 17/08/2024 18:07

Ask her how much it would cost her to pay for childcare for a week... And hour many days holiday someone should have?

Oldinjuryhelp111037 · 17/08/2024 18:06

How long is left? I think I.would go find alternative accommodation or go home early.

I think you sister has been very rude and cheeky, and I'm assuming your parents pander to her quite a bit. You say they are quite poor and your sisters money is controlling them a bit!

I understand you don't want to cause more arguments though. So depends how it would go down when you got home...

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 18:06

And yes, you were absolutely not cheeky at all, your sister was.

She should have been upfront with you and even if you’d agreed to be a childminders you could have some free time.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 17/08/2024 18:05

Doseofreality · 17/08/2024 18:02

just tell her you didn’t realise the holiday came with a clause of temporary hostage status.

This!!!!

I see your Dsis conveniently didn't mention you'd be expected to babysit in exchange for this "free" holiday.

Mil3nnial · 17/08/2024 18:05

No you're not unreasonable from what you've said. I thought you were going to say you'd left more than just once for a day. They should have made clear they expected to have time alone and that they wanted help with childcare. It's nice they invited you but it seems like they want to control you and keep you there won't their children. They're going off on their own so it's not like you were all together and you've gone off on your own.

Trox · 17/08/2024 18:04

So, you've paid for flights out to a babysitting gig with a running buffet?

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 17/08/2024 18:04

Well what's done is done now, so might as well enjoy the rest of your holiday doing whatever you like! Probably shouldn't have dragged your mum into it, she needs an apology

Iwantamarshmallowman · 17/08/2024 18:02

I think your sister is the CF here. she should have discussed her expectations before the holiday was booked, especially regarding childcare. she's being a hypocrite for having a go at you for leaving the hotel one day when she has left every day.

TruthorDie · 17/08/2024 18:02

RedToothBrush · 17/08/2024 18:01

Just because they bought you a holiday doesn't mean they own you and can control you for a week. Given you've actually provided childcare you've actually earned your holiday. You haven't actually had it for free at all.

She can get grumpy all she likes but she's being grossly bratty.

This. Does she and / or her husband have form for this bullshit?

HelplessSoul · 17/08/2024 18:02

Safe to say your Dsis and her DH are cunts.

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