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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
SelMarin · 17/08/2024 20:12

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 20:11

OK, to tone down my language a bit, DB is not yet a father and has no experience of looking after three children of different ages whilst his GF rests. DF is of a different generation where men simply weren't expected to step up.

That still leaves just OP and her Mum.

Or the children's parents.
Or a holiday club.

GivingitToGod · 17/08/2024 20:12

You have absolutely every right to go and explore the island without being accountable to anyone.
It would have been helpful if your sister and her husband wanted babysitting as part of the set up, that should have been discussed beforehand. IMO, you are under no obligation to provide childcare, irrespective of whether the holiday was paid for. If it had been discussed previously, an arrangement to to care for the children for an afternoon/evening could have been sorted.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 20:11

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 20:04

Tbh I’m not sure that OP’s brother is a sexist arsehole. He probably was annoyed by the CFery ( I would be too) or could be just not good with children yet, not all people are Mary Poppins by birth - I wasn’t before DD (and probably still far from it).

OK, to tone down my language a bit, DB is not yet a father and has no experience of looking after three children of different ages whilst his GF rests. DF is of a different generation where men simply weren't expected to step up.

That still leaves just OP and her Mum.

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 20:10

Manlon · 17/08/2024 20:07

Isn't all the other side of the family there too? I thought they lived in the country, are they all bound to the resort also?

his family are in Australia we are in a Mediterranean island. They aren’t really relevant here but I mentioned them as I knew somebody may ask why they weren’t invited on the holiday

OP posts:
HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 20:08

We’re quite stunned to be honest by the whole thing. They are usually really attentive parents in the UK. I babysit often but that’s because of their shift patterns and because I adore the kids. I’ve never felt taken advantage of at home, I’m the godmother of one of the children. But they just weren’t honest about their intentions for the holiday, they spoke about all the great things in the area we’d be going and implied we’d all go together. But they just sod off out and leave us at the hotel with their kids. The fact that they have paid for this holiday seems to have bought out another side to them.

OP posts:
RaspberryBeretxx · 17/08/2024 20:08

I think the issue is that they should have said “we want a honeymoon but can’t leave the kids behind. If we pay for all of you, maybe you can provide round the clock on demand childcare for 3 dc of differing ages and needs and not expect much outside of that from your hol. That sound ok?”. Instead they made out like they’re doing you a big favour. Not on at all. They’re just pissed off that the paid childcare has done a bunk and they are thinking of overall childcare burden not their 9 yo when they chose not to send him on the trip with you. Really not fair. Your poor mum babysitting every night. Why can’t you all drink near to the rooms so you can all listen out for the dc?

Manlon · 17/08/2024 20:07

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 20:00

DF and DB are sexist lazy men who "can't" or won't take responsibility for babysitting. DB GF is pregnant and needs frequent rests.
So that only leave OP and her Mum.
(Given that DSis and BIL won't care for their own DC on their "honeymoon)

Isn't all the other side of the family there too? I thought they lived in the country, are they all bound to the resort also?

ThinWomansBrain · 17/08/2024 20:07

they should have been up front about the childcare - but given that they weren't. there are three couples other than honeymoon pair; could have divided up the days between you, and each done your own thing around the childcare - even if that was days in the hotel with another couple looking after the children.
I don't really understand what their problem is.

SelMarin · 17/08/2024 20:06

Your sister and her husband sound like a rotten pair. Sounds like your mum is scared of your sister, too, so I take it she has form.

They're, to put it mildly, the cheeky fuckers here.

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 20:04

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 19:54

Yup, it appears from OP posts that the men are sexist assholes.
That cannot be changed in the next few days.

So in the circumstances OP has the choice to help her Mum out and put her Mum first, or not.

Tbh I’m not sure that OP’s brother is a sexist arsehole. He probably was annoyed by the CFery ( I would be too) or could be just not good with children yet, not all people are Mary Poppins by birth - I wasn’t before DD (and probably still far from it).

Mumof2girls2121 · 17/08/2024 20:04

We paid for AI this year, it’s so samey, we ate out at least 6 times 😂

Flossflower · 17/08/2024 20:01

Manlon · 17/08/2024 19:54

Why do they need 6 adults to look after 3 children? Surely turns can be taken?

GF doesn’t help. The brother’s girlfriend is pregnant and not feeling great. If OP and her husband go off that leaves 2.

LilacRaven · 17/08/2024 20:00

I would be livid. I assume you had to take annual leave for this 'holiday' and now they're telling you how to spend it. I would tell your sister how upset you are and highlight all the childcare you have done for her over the years and how dare she have attitude if you wanted a day to yourself. Don't let her make you feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong.

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 20:00

Manlon · 17/08/2024 19:54

Why do they need 6 adults to look after 3 children? Surely turns can be taken?

DF and DB are sexist lazy men who "can't" or won't take responsibility for babysitting. DB GF is pregnant and needs frequent rests.
So that only leave OP and her Mum.
(Given that DSis and BIL won't care for their own DC on their "honeymoon)

RedRobyn2021 · 17/08/2024 20:00

Your sister sounds awful tbh

Margaux1 · 17/08/2024 19:59

Being stuck in an AI as a free childminder wouldn't be a holiday for me, more ike a punishment 😝

deeahgwitch · 17/08/2024 19:58

Doseofreality · 17/08/2024 18:02

just tell her you didn’t realise the holiday came with a clause of temporary hostage status.

Love it 😂

OrangeJeans · 17/08/2024 19:57

Differentstarts · 17/08/2024 18:12

Your not their nanny if she wanted this she should of hired one.

This would probably have been more expensive

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 19:57

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 19:45

Yes they still went out, they weren’t out for as long as previous days but had a good few hours and a lunch and even after coming back apparently went for a lie down.

They are thick skinned ones!

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 17/08/2024 19:56

It's a bit shit to invite people on holiday with so many strings attached without having to explain it first, so oyu can make a decision if you want to go or not. Spending the whole day doing childcare and not being able to see anything at all is not really a holiday. Even au pairs are paid if they travel with families, and have everything paid for. It was very cheeky of them.

PixelatedLunchbox · 17/08/2024 19:55

"Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC"

SHE is the CF.

Manlon · 17/08/2024 19:54

Why do they need 6 adults to look after 3 children? Surely turns can be taken?

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 19:54

MaryEllenWaldron · 17/08/2024 19:44

How very sexist. Why on earth should OP 'step up' and not the two men? Classic male learned helplessness, in avoiding childcare and dealing with the sister and her husband who got them all there under false pretences.

Holiday time is limited and precious. They've wasted their time and money on flights, however cheap those might have been.

Yup, it appears from OP posts that the men are sexist assholes.
That cannot be changed in the next few days.

So in the circumstances OP has the choice to help her Mum out and put her Mum first, or not.

NewName24 · 17/08/2024 19:54

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table

They weren't generous AT ALL.
They have made you and your dp PAY to babysit your dc somewhere hot.

Even worse, they have made your parents go through all the rigmarole of getting passports etc, AND pay for flights so they can babysit the dc.

There are 2 people in this story who ABU, and it isn't you, your dp, or your parents.

Mind, I would have challenged them after the first time, not let it go on as long as it has.

Flossflower · 17/08/2024 19:54

coldcallerbaiter · 17/08/2024 19:42

But the grandparents are there, so it cannot be a childcare issue in that day unless the gp left the resort too?

If the Grandad thinks it is women’s work then it probably is a lot of work for the Grandmother to do it all the time.
YANBU OP. You are perfectly entitled to go out for the day. Your sister did not tell you that it was a prison and you couldn’t leave. Everyone wants to have a proper dinner out. Did you sister leave your Mum to do
the childcare again today?

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