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Original poster

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
Dymaxion · 17/08/2024 20:58

A big family holiday like this is not really a do entirely what you want deal, especially if you’re not paying!

But it isn't a big family holiday is it ? It's one couples honeymoon and everyone else has been brought along to babysit, without being aware of this when it was pitched to them.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/08/2024 20:58

Your sister is being a Honeymoon zilla. She's got three couples working for her as childminders and is a massive CF and her new DH making those stupid quips would have really annoyed me.
Your dad needs to stop chipping in with his silly comments and stirring. Its none of his business if you and DH go out for the day.

Unfortunately, putting everything you say and do in a bad light has become the new holiday entertainment.
I agree with @Manlon that you may have to bite your tongue as there's not much time left and any reasonable discussion will be willfully misconstrued as "ruining" the honeymoon. The nonsense about taking your poor 9 year old DN was very unfair.

You can say something when you get back and they are in the land of reality again.!

I hope you can still enjoy the rest of your time despite this nonsense.
Maybe take your lovely mum away for a nice weekend with no childcare afterwards. It sounds like you all deserve it.

Mischance · 17/08/2024 20:53

Woah - that's a cheeky way to get a peaceful honeymoon when you've got children! Neat idea though - got to hand it to them!

You did nothing wrong.

MumblesParty · 17/08/2024 20:50

DogsDinner · 17/08/2024 18:45

@MumblesParty

I don’t think it was unreasonable to go sightseeing for the day, but it might have been tactful to be back for dinner.

A big family holiday like this is not really a do entirely what you want deal, especially if you’re not paying!

I wasn’t worried about the Granny babysitting. I’m late fifties, and would much prefer babysitting after dinner than staying up drinking.

But if she was unhappy, why on earth didn’t you all take a turn? It would have been one evening each.

The kids are your nephews/nieces/grandchildren. Surely you would want to spend some time with them? You make them sound like nothing but a nuisance.

@DogsDinner but the sister and her husband are going out every day, so they’re not really embracing the family holiday thing, are they? And they’re not a pair of blushing young newly weds away together for the first time. They’ve been together over 10 years. Longer than OP and her DH I expect.

And the poor parents - it sounds like they’ve never been abroad, but they’re not allowed to see a new country either. They’re expected to stay at the hotel babysitting.

2chocolateoranges · 17/08/2024 20:45

If she wanted a honeymoon just the two of them she should have either arrange proper childcare or got married before she had children!

she’s a cheeky fucker!

ahjeez · 17/08/2024 20:40

Can I ask, have the kids been able to have days out at all? Or have they just been at the hotel while their parents go out?

DandyClocks · 17/08/2024 20:40

I feel really sorry for your mum. There she was looking forward to a proper holiday at last, and your sister has basically taken the piss and used her for cheap childcare. I’m guessing she does this at home too? What a prize bitch!

I’m really surprised that you’re all still speaking to be honest. 😆

Ponderingwindow · 17/08/2024 20:37

It was unfair of them not to be explicit that the trip came with strings attached. You were perfectly reasonable to take a day to explore.

given the situation, I do think you should all have set up a rota so that MIL was not unfairly burdened. Possibly even been explicit with your hosts about how much childcare they will be getting. Pregnant and older people traveling to warm destinations often need rest and aren’t up to chasing children all day, every day.

TheNuthatch · 17/08/2024 20:36

Manlon · 17/08/2024 20:20

Ah I see, fair enough.

To be honest, sounds like you and your family are pretty close.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all but it's their honeymoon and the risk is - no matter how unreasonable it would be - you don't want the lasting narrative being 'you ruined our honeymoon'. Be the bigger person, pull your sister aside when she's on her own - and say 'hey what's this all about? You really this upset we went out for the day?'.

Then just explain your perspective about your nephew like you have done here and make up.

Probably away from the husband and the rest of the family and a heart to heart sister chat and hug and make up will be enough to squash it.

Don't let it fester - it'll just ruin everyone's holiday.

I don't think you're in the wrong but bigger picture and all that.

Show quote history

This!
Your dsis is being horrendous to you all, but the right approach will make all the difference here.

If you can get through to her sister-to-sister, and drag her off her high horse, you've got a chance of actually improving things for everybody on the holiday.
You don't want to be the bad guy on her honeymoon!

Onelifeonly · 17/08/2024 20:33

They should have made their expectations clear. It's pretty mean to keep leaving their children too, from the kids' point of view. You could all have organised it properly with different groups taking it in turns to go out, or all going together.

As for missing paid for meals....that's no skin off her nose, you have to pay for them if it's all inclusive. It won't cost her more because you paid for a meal out. Complaining about that shows she wants to control you, otherwise it's completely illogical.

Sorry it sounds pretty awful. Personally I think I'd start going out more.

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 17/08/2024 20:33

Your sister should have told you she wanted you along as unpaid nanny, thereby giving you the option to say 'ok but for a maximum of two days' or 'when hell freezes over'.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 20:30

I'd apologise for the childcare remark but I'd definitely go out again. And ignore the arsey attitude

HollyKnight · 17/08/2024 20:28

Just be thankful they eloped! This holiday nonsense is delayed bridezillaness.

Pineapplewaves · 17/08/2024 20:27

Your DSIS should have been upfront about the childcare then you could have drawn up a rota between you so that you all did an equal share of the childcare and got equal time off to enjoy yourselves.

How much of the holiday is left? Can you draw up a rota for the remaining days? It doesn't take all of you to look after the DC at the same time.

Your DM shouldn't be sat in a hotel room every evening watching a sleeping toddler, put them in pushchair in the recliner position with a blanket and they'll be fine. It doesn't hurt them to be out of routine on holiday and once home they usually go back to the usual routine very quickly. Alternatively someone needs to join your DM out on the balcony with drinks, snacks and a deck of playing cards. Don't leave the poor woman on her own.

Dymaxion · 17/08/2024 20:26

They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive.

I wonder if they had pitched the 'holiday' more truthfully as 'we want you to come on our Honeymoon so you can look after the children for the duration' whether everyone being offered the opportunity would have been as keen to take them up on their offer ?

honeyrider · 17/08/2024 20:25

Your sister and her husband have been devious users. If she continues trying to guilt you it might be no harm telling her if she wants you to continue minding her children or taking them out back in the UK she better wind her neck in.

Springadorable · 17/08/2024 20:21

Floppyelf · 17/08/2024 20:20

Your sister sounds like the kind of cheeky cunt that made you a godparent expecting free childcare or financial rewards/ presents from you to their kids. I had friends like this. I politely turned down their offer stating that I personally don’t believe myself to be the kind of spiritual guide in that way.

Show quote history

Wow that's quite the jump. Sounds like that hasn't been the case until now.

Floppyelf · 17/08/2024 20:20

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

Your sister sounds like the kind of cheeky cunt that made you a godparent expecting free childcare or financial rewards/ presents from you to their kids. I had friends like this. I politely turned down their offer stating that I personally don’t believe myself to be the kind of spiritual guide in that way.

NoWayRose · 17/08/2024 20:20

Wow they think they bought you. No shit that (as someone not in their employ) you wanted to take one child rather than a gaggle of toddlers, who could probably make it to one park before needing to go home. It would have been really special for the elder child to be treated like an individual with a day away for the little ones - they are no thinking of anyone but themselves.

Manlon · 17/08/2024 20:20

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 20:10

his family are in Australia we are in a Mediterranean island. They aren’t really relevant here but I mentioned them as I knew somebody may ask why they weren’t invited on the holiday

Show quote history

Ah I see, fair enough.

To be honest, sounds like you and your family are pretty close.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all but it's their honeymoon and the risk is - no matter how unreasonable it would be - you don't want the lasting narrative being 'you ruined our honeymoon'. Be the bigger person, pull your sister aside when she's on her own - and say 'hey what's this all about? You really this upset we went out for the day?'.

Then just explain your perspective about your nephew like you have done here and make up.

Probably away from the husband and the rest of the family and a heart to heart sister chat and hug and make up will be enough to squash it.

Don't let it fester - it'll just ruin everyone's holiday.

I don't think you're in the wrong but bigger picture and all that.

Springadorable · 17/08/2024 20:19

I think you've been more than generous with looking after the kids and offering to take your DN out.
They've made out that they want to come away to celebrate with you all when actually it's because they can't get a babysitter for three kids otherwise.

Redmat · 17/08/2024 20:18

You should all go out tomorrow and leave them with their own children. They've had plenty of free time. I would think its time for a small revolt. They are being extremely inconsiderate . Paying for part of your holiday ( not your flights) does not give them the right to dictate what you do.

Floppyelf · 17/08/2024 20:16

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 20:08

We’re quite stunned to be honest by the whole thing. They are usually really attentive parents in the UK. I babysit often but that’s because of their shift patterns and because I adore the kids. I’ve never felt taken advantage of at home, I’m the godmother of one of the children. But they just weren’t honest about their intentions for the holiday, they spoke about all the great things in the area we’d be going and implied we’d all go together. But they just sod off out and leave us at the hotel with their kids. The fact that they have paid for this holiday seems to have bought out another side to them.

Back in the UK does your sister also look after your kids?

2sisters · 17/08/2024 20:15

They wanted a child free holiday. It's not a family holiday. They wasn't upfront about their childcare expectations. I think pitching it as a family holiday was very dishonest. You are basically the help and they are pissed off that you made them actually parent their own children. Why does it matter if you chose to eat out and spend you ownoney on a meal? Haven't they been spending money outside in their excursions? Honestly, fuck them I'd go out every day and take you poor mother with you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2024 20:14

I feel so sorry for the kids. You sound absolutely lovely and it’s nice for kids to have time with relatives but their mum and dad can’t be arsed with them and the older one will definitely know he’s been ditched while the toddler sounds like he’s probably been pretty unsettled.

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