To hate travelling in the car with my DH and to refuse to travel with him anywhere again?

Honestly put your foot down and say he can’t drive the children and consider your entire relationship. If he won’t stop I would get my phone out and record him and tell him you are recording and send it to yourself. The police and social services would be interested. Please don’t put yourself in danger by doing this though - better to leave and be alive than stay and be dead.

My father did this all of my childhood. I grew up shaking to get in the car. He loved and enjoyed seeing my mother and us - screaming to stop or that he was going to kill us. It was part of all of the control.

He would literally do stuff like brake hard or be 2 inches off a bumper.

As an adult it has taken me a long time to trust another driver and my DP with everything.

Why did you buy him a car that’s better than your own? Do you earn more than him?

So… I think. You need to plan leaving him. Your children will thank you for it.

Agree. My dad used to do this, to us and to my mum as well. Really shitty behaviour on top of eveyrthing else.

The driving is not the issue, as has been clearly pointed out by others.

Obviously you are at your wits end and worn down by this bully bastard.

By the sound of it he likely criticises you in all aspects of life, thinks he knows it all and coerces/bullies you into doing things you don't want to.

Think hard about what the issues are - try and get a perspective by speaking to a friend. It’s likely his long term arsey-ness has skewed your perception of what normal behaviour is.

Good luck OP x

You need to have a very straight talk with him about his driving and your concerns about safety but it sounds like he is not going to take any of it on board. He sounds incredibly arrogant. It is a real worry about the children. You can put your foot down and not travel with him and you can express your concerns about the children travelling with him, but I don't see how you can stop him from taking them places. Very worrying.

He will kill someone one day with that type of driving. He needs to go for more driving lessons and anger management lessons. If he refuses then leave. Your life and your DC should not be put at risk.

It's absolutely not unreasonable to take away the car.

Sell it and use the money to get around via Uber and public transport.

You have to prioritize your children's safety. And mental health.

You had three children with this arsehole, I can't help but wonder why.

Then his driving is the least of your problems. Could he be doing it to frighten you or show you who’s in charge?

Can you tell us a bit more about his general behaviour? I originally said he sounded like a plonker but I think the driving could be symptomatic of a more serious pattern of behaviours.

No he's abusive

It sounds like you've got bigger problems than the driving.

I would swap cars. Or sell both cars and have a family car and a small car. He can drive the small car by himself and you drive the family car.

Or better still, get rid of him altogether.

My ex husband was a terrifying driver. He was also hugely arrogant and there was no talking to him. He frightened several people who had been passengers with him and was infamous amongst everybody who knew him.
Eventually I refused to travel with him if he was driving. If I drove he criticised me all the time for being too slow, not overtaking etc but at least I could control speed. Mostly I would take my own car and meet him somewhere. Once he insisted on driving my car and when reversing refused to heed my warning that he was about to hit something, went on to hit it damaging my car and then told me it was my fault for distracting him.

Thankfully I don’t have to accommodate his behaviour any more. How he hasn’t killed someone or himself I don’t know.
He has only had two lots of speeding tickets but that is pure luck.
Prioritise the safety of yourself and your children over your husband’s ego.

This thread isn't about his driving and you hating it is it?

It's about something bigger and more wrong with your marriage.

Reflect on that.

Well there is clearly a lot going on here?

If he’s a bully then make a plan to leave

Don’t use his driving as an excuse - they are his kids and he will drive them anyway, assuming he can afford a car - so perhaps sell this one now.

He sounds awful. I think it says a lot about not just his driving, but him as a person. I really would not want my children thinking this is normal.

So it’s your car?

Anyway I would take over driving, have music or a talking book on, and ignore all his comments on your driving

Yes, "he's a bully" says it all.

What would a life without him look like? (I'm thinking divorce, not murder!)

You need to stop enabling this out of control bully immediately.
It sounds like he may not only injure (or worse) his own family but also endanger innocent road users. I am sorry you have to go through, what I am sure, will be a difficult time removing access to the vehicle. No decent person could live with the repercussions if you don't.

Leave him

Bullies don't change.

You tell him that he can drive however he likes when it's only his life on the line. When he has you and the children in the car then he drives legally and safely, or the car will be off limits to him.

And if he tells you how to drive he gets out of the car.

ugh, I feel for you. Absolutely do what you need to do. Such dickish behaviour and not fair on your children to have to see that.

Why didn't you drive?

Regardless he sounds like a twat.