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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance and care home fees

594 replies

Hateam · 17/08/2024 11:59

Hello!

My mother-in-law is in a care home.

My wife, her daughter, is also in a care home for medical - non age related- issues. My council are paying for my wife's care as we have under £24500 in savings.

When my MIL dies (she's 94) my wife will inherit about £180,000.

We don't want this money going to Essex CC.

Is there anything we can?

Could my MIL's will be changed to remove my wife and replace her with me? She is still of sound mind.

Could the money go into an account in my sole name?

I am aware of the concept of deprivation of assets.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 17/08/2024 12:53

Certainly changing the legislation so that anyone needing care has to use any inheritance to pay for it would solve alot of government funding problems. It's good to know that MN is in support of that. Almost half council budgets go on social care much of that for under 65s.

TwizzleDee · 17/08/2024 12:53

I taken copies of all this and reported it to Essex CC via their 'Report a fraud' form. which let's you upload documents. Can't be many people with these circumstances and as someone who used to do financial assessments for care homes, I'm pretty sure the staff will be able to work out who it is.

Maybe other Mumsnetters could do likewise?

Poor MIL, probably a lovely old lady who's been cherished my so many and along comes the son-in-law like a vulture circling.

HarpyBirthday · 17/08/2024 12:52

HooverTheRoof · 17/08/2024 12:51

But we let rich people use the NHS for free? Why is the care ops wife needs different?

Its funded differently. NHS ans social care are kept separate.

Whatsthispls · 17/08/2024 12:52

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:43

The majority of people do not go into care homes.

Show quote history

Those of us whose parents do tend to be resigned to this fact. Inheritance shouldn't be taken for granted.

Inlaw · 17/08/2024 12:51

It is a paradox isn’t it. Whilst what OP is suggesting is incredibly cheeky, on the other hand you have gov telling people they need to go back to work as we have a productivity problem.

Why would anyone work or save when it’s just going to go on care. Which you would get for free anyway if you didn’t work or save.

NancyBellaDonna · 17/08/2024 12:51

Some people are so greedy.

HooverTheRoof · 17/08/2024 12:51

But we let rich people use the NHS for free? Why is the care ops wife needs different?

HarpyBirthday · 17/08/2024 12:50

The council is funded by us, the tax payers, so your phrasing that you don't want Essex CC to gain is what is grating.

As for your MILs will - that is up to her. You could always seek legal or financial advice.

MatildaTheCat · 17/08/2024 12:50

If MIL is still able to make informed decisions then it’s up to her what she does. Does she have any opinion on the matter?

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:50

Madamecholetsbonnet · 17/08/2024 12:49

Complete fucking piss take.

If your wife inherits this money, she can use some of it for days out can’t she? No need for you to get your greedy mitts on it.

You don't understand do you?

Care could be £50K pa so the sum would only last 3-4 years.

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:49

Wheresthebeach · 17/08/2024 12:47

So you want your wife's inheritance for yourself....rather than going for her care...so the tax payer (us) pay for it while you scuttle off with just under 200k of your MIL money?

Prince Amongst Men...

The vipers have come out in the sun today, that's for sure.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 17/08/2024 12:49

Complete fucking piss take.

If your wife inherits this money, she can use some of it for days out can’t she? No need for you to get your greedy mitts on it.

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:48

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 12:45

So she is well enough to appreciate restaurants and theatre, but not well enough to be at home with you whilst you care for her and arrange private carers?

You want someone else to care for her, for free, whilst you just get the fun of having her accompany you to theatre trips and restaurants of your choice?

Show quote history

That's a very unfair post @BeanCountingContinues

Surely you can understand how the OP wants to make his wife's life more pleasant with outings?

It's also unfair of you to imply he can be responsible for all her medical needs and intimate personal care, 24/7 when, presumably, he works to keep a roof over his own head.

Walkingdeb · 17/08/2024 12:48

I think you are getting a very hard time on here from some people who have no experience of this situation. It is not the same as paying for care needs in old age. I shall be looking to set up a trust for my severely disabled son when I die and your MIL may be able to do the same. Consult a lawyer who specialises in trusts and good luck.

Wheresthebeach · 17/08/2024 12:47

So you want your wife's inheritance for yourself....rather than going for her care...so the tax payer (us) pay for it while you scuttle off with just under 200k of your MIL money?

Prince Amongst Men...

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:46

Hateam · 17/08/2024 11:59

Hello!

My mother-in-law is in a care home.

My wife, her daughter, is also in a care home for medical - non age related- issues. My council are paying for my wife's care as we have under £24500 in savings.

When my MIL dies (she's 94) my wife will inherit about £180,000.

We don't want this money going to Essex CC.

Is there anything we can?

Could my MIL's will be changed to remove my wife and replace her with me? She is still of sound mind.

Could the money go into an account in my sole name?

I am aware of the concept of deprivation of assets.

Talk to a financial advisor, not MN.

Your MIL can bypass her daughter and leave the money to any grandchildren (your children.)

Or to anyone she chooses.

PolaroidPrincess · 17/08/2024 12:45

I hope someone here works for Essex CC and can flag this post

Through my work I've noticed some of the local councils getting a lot more proactive about collecting care home fees.

A similar thing happened a few years ago with Council Tax debts.

Bluefields96 · 17/08/2024 12:45

You need to speak to a solicitor.

If your MIL still has capacity she can change her will. She should leave her money to a discretionary trust. The income from the trust can then be used to benefit whoever the trustees choose, including you and/or your wife. Any payments would need to ensure that neither of you exceeded the benefits savings cap.

There are tax and admin implications but a solicitor will be able to advise.

Many families with dependents in care do this.

BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 12:45

Hateam · 17/08/2024 12:41

My wife is physically and mentally impaired and will need care for possible over 30 years.

I was hoping to take her on lots of day trips and visits to nice restaurants and the theatre. She loves London shows.

I wanted the money to give her the best life I can.

So she is well enough to appreciate restaurants and theatre, but not well enough to be at home with you whilst you care for her and arrange private carers?

You want someone else to care for her, for free, whilst you just get the fun of having her accompany you to theatre trips and restaurants of your choice?

PurpleFlower1983 · 17/08/2024 12:45

Ryeman · 17/08/2024 12:11

I think YABU to try and hide the money and get the council to pay for your wife’s care when she could pay herself. If she has true medical needs as part of her care have you explored nhs continuing healthcare?
Also look into the cap that the government were going to introduce. It may mean you don’t lose the whole lot to her care costs.

The cap has been scrapped I believe. It’s just the amount OP said.

What was your experience of the financial assessment previously for your wife? Did they look at both joint and sole accounts when they did it? Does your MIL not need the £180k for her care or does she have other savings?

PolaroidPrincess · 17/08/2024 12:43

Hateam · 17/08/2024 12:41

My wife is physically and mentally impaired and will need care for possible over 30 years.

I was hoping to take her on lots of day trips and visits to nice restaurants and the theatre. She loves London shows.

I wanted the money to give her the best life I can.

Why can't you do that with the money that you earn?

ChickenTikkaKebabs · 17/08/2024 12:43

Whatsthispls · 17/08/2024 12:33

It's a fact of life most of us are resigned to. I'm not expecting any inheritance as I assume it will go on my mum's care.

Show quote history

The majority of people do not go into care homes.

viques · 17/08/2024 12:42

Hateam · 17/08/2024 12:41

My wife is physically and mentally impaired and will need care for possible over 30 years.

I was hoping to take her on lots of day trips and visits to nice restaurants and the theatre. She loves London shows.

I wanted the money to give her the best life I can.

Luckily she will be able to pay for those lovely days out with her own money.

mjf981 · 17/08/2024 12:41

Hahahaha what a chancer you are.

Hoping MIL passes on and that you can swan off with you wifes inheritance, while the taxpayer funds her care.

I hope someone here works for Essex CC and can flag this post.

Original poster
Hateam · 17/08/2024 12:41

My wife is physically and mentally impaired and will need care for possible over 30 years.

I was hoping to take her on lots of day trips and visits to nice restaurants and the theatre. She loves London shows.

I wanted the money to give her the best life I can.

OP posts:
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