To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

I think you are making a problem of something that can be easily managed.

You have several options:

• Do you need to work full time? you could aim to find a part-time job that allows an earlier finish
• You can check with the dance school if there is another mum who could also drop your daughter to the lesson and back
• you can hire a baby sitter to take over
• why is the burden of getting. her to dance class all on you? can't your partner also step up and help?

I think it is great that she is doing something she loves.

Physical activity is good for physical and mental health and I assume she has made friends there as well.

I think you should try everything before removing this from her life.

@Commonsense22
This is where we disagree.
For me it's the '4 times a week' and by signing up to this, it may put off OP reigniting her career, prohibit finances and curtail the activities of other siblings.

I really don't care if it's dance, golf, running, tennis, playing an instrument..........

The commitment of extra time and expense into something that ultimately they may just be mediocre at and denying them from trying other activities at more sensible times is ridiculous.

If dance is the be all and end all for her, she can wait a few years and walk herself to the elite class. In the meantime OP has got a job, her and her siblings have tried other activities at sensible times and she really knows she wants to concentrate on that. If she's amazing at it, her teacher will tell her and OP before then and they can pivot on what they do.

Great she loves dance, let her keep going to the classes that her family can get her to.

If your DH can drop her at school then collect dd from school and take her dancing could you not ask him to do that and in return you take all other DC to their hobbies later in the evening. If your DH has a meeting or something one day you could just take a day holiday. If that's the only hobby your DD has and she worked hard to be invited to join competition classes don't take that away from her. Make it work. You could use a taxi in an emergency.

And in a few years she will be able to get there herself.

Dh and I work from home dh 9- 3 and if needed i can use "lunch time' to do a school run (largely don't take lunches and this is seen as acceptable.by my employer) so we would be able to flex around this schedule- a wfh or hybrid role with the right wfh days might offer the flexibility you need

It's more about the child's personality I think. If her dd is competitive, she will never derive the same satisfaction doing things casually as she will doing one intensely. It's just not the same going to a casual class with children who attend once a week.

Edit: I also don't think you need to be amazing at something to make it worthwhile. Take music - a grade 8 is still a very long way off being professional but takes a lot of focus to achieve. You don't get to grade 8 by attending a class twice a week. It's a daily commitment over 6-10 years.
Same with a karate black belt. It's just the beginning of serious karate but it's also a worthy achievement in itself.

@Commonsense22
We are both saying the same thing, except I don't think a DC needs to attend any activity 4 times a week unless they are seriously amazing at it

My friend's DD who got intoTring Park / RBS goes to dance class twice a week (she also plays football and has a swimming lesson). My school mate who was an olympic swimmer went swimming 5 mornings a week (4 of them before school).

OP is being sold a story that her DD is in an 'elite squad' that trains at 15:45 (😬) and will be a real ball ache for her to attend as OP would like to get a job plus it will cost more due to extra sessions and competitions - it sounds like a con. Her DD can still participate in dance, she doesn't need to go 4 times a week.

There's a lot to be said for having a hobby taken seriously, developing a skill to a real standard (even if not professional).

It provides you with a community, a purpose and helps forge your identity. A close friend whose child is now headed off to uni told me the best thing she's ever done was sign her daughter up to dance at 3. She's not a professional but she's learnt independence and organisation through trips with the team, built the confidence to overcome anxiety and face stressful situations, and become responsible.
But she says most importantly she's stayed out of trouble by not having the time to get into it.

It's not the only way, but I grew up with a big dominant hobby and it has been massively positive. And does give you self-discipline, focus and pride in your achievements that having 3 small ones doesn't. You get a "tribe" that is similarly hard-working and driven.

If OP lives in an area that's not the best to walk around in, it's all the more important.

Also, let's be clear, any activity that starts at 15:45 is essentially an after-school club, not an elite sport.

@Commonsense22 I just don't understand why you think going to a dance class 4 times a week is the answer (unless she is genuinely gifted)?

My soon to be teen does rugby, scouts, maths club and football. He meets different people at all of them. 3 of them are free, all of them useful.

I should definitely have RTFT 😂

@Bumblebeestiltskin OP has made it clear in her other posts that he is a DSF not a DF, also is currently the only one working outside the home and also made it clear before the DD started this activity that he wasn't going to facilitate her attending it because it was inconvenient and frequent.

OP, it's great your daughter is involved in dance. 4 days a week might sound a lot at 8 but you'll be grateful when she's a tween / teen and her pairs are "hanging" after school and not employing their time productively.

If you work, you could hopefully afford to find someone to take her.

What does he think he 'signed up for', when he had a child? You've done it all up until now, and he's able to do it when you go back to work - sorted!

If your DD is serious about dance and has the talent, then I'd be inclined to look at this class as a stepping stone rather than a long-term plan. If she wants a career in the field, then she needs to be looking at the organisations that feed in to it, rather than staying with a local class that doesn't have a track record of getting people into career pathways.

Are the teachers at this class prepared to put in effort and encourage students to progress, including on to other dance classes and organisations?

@whatawickedgame Please be very careful. You say your DD is potentially doing this until she's17. What will she get out of it? What sort of competitions will she be doing? Who will she be competing against? How much will the competitions cost you? If you haven't asked at least those questions, please do.

I completely agree.

Look at KoruKids @whatawickedgame you can have a look at what Nannie’s are available in your area. Its a reasonable price and you can use tax free childcare with it to reduce the cost.

@MoralOrLegal yes that's the one Tring Park

@Pipsquiggle Tring Park associates programme, at a guess!

RBS and Elmhurst (Birmingham Royal Ballet's school, more or less) both also run classes at regional locations. My DS was a competitive ballroom dancer for around three years, and danced with Elmhurst, but was never asked to commit to anything like the schedule that the OP is being asked. He compressed all his classes into the weekend, until unfortunately that started to clash with two other activities in Year 7 or thereabouts.

@MoralOrLegal yes she auditioned for RBS but goes to lessons in Hertfordshire as it's nearer to home

@blueshoes it does definitely sound like OP is being used as a cash cow.

That's a very good point. It's at around that age that DC who are serious about dancing should be auditioning for RBS Junior Associates or Elmhurst Young Dancers, or similar, depending on which has a location nearer to you..!

Correction - The step father who is paying for the classes who will be leaving work early two days a week to collect and look after his step children cba

4 days a week at a hobby dance school (with endless classes, competitions, clothes, tickets and videos to buy) sounds like a way to rinse as much money out of unsuspecting parents with children as bait in the shortest possible time before their eyes are opened to what a con cult it all is.

The schools do this cynically knowing that the children will go no where with this circus, disregard the child's wellbeing and self-esteem, massively disrupt family life as well as drain family finances