How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

Does the thread really need derailing over terminology?

Please explain why you think it is upsetting me.
I asked what flying monkeys were; you responded, I also googled the phrase.
I then pointed out that this is yet another label to attatch to behaviours that existed long before this descriptor, using the descriptors we would have used before the term flying monkey was applied
If you re-read my response to your explanation, am I upset or unsupportive?

Support can also come in the form of asking whether you’re not exaggerating unconsciously, or perceiving a pattern of behaviour that doesn’t exist.

For instance, you seem to know a lot about the substance abuse and pathological jealousy of a sibling who lives thousands of miles away and whom you’ve not seen in years. But your source for this information seems to be the same people you’re dubbing ‘flying monkeys’? Why would you trust information from people who, according to you, are just mouthpieces for your sister? If they’re wrong about you, why would they be right about her?

And is it really that likely that she’s directing them by phone from the other side of the world to approach you to criticise you at weddings when they barely know you, or are total strangers?

Though to be fair, I'm not sure I'd go especially as it's not just one day.

Have you booked and paid for everything already?

Do you really have to go?

So somebody has a problem and all the Mumsnet mob who haven't been on the Relationships board are concerned about is having a discussion about the entomology of a phrase used rather than being any help to the OP

OP - you might have been better off posting this in Relationships

If you go and anyone is confrontational look baffled and ask, “Do you really think someone’s wedding is an appropriate time and place to insert yourself into the ancient private business of someone else’s family?”

So the point still stands. If she's poisoned them all against you why are you going?!

mumsnet ethos is support

it really isn’t I’m afraid. Ironically in this case, people on MN will challenge you in a way those in RL never would.

Can you reach out to the cousin you're closest to and explain the situation and ask them to stick close to you at the wedding?

Maybe that would be a good option.

If anyone is rude to you then just ignore them, your sister will win by knowing she's getting to you, don't let people see that.

So you're on of those who thinks they can diagnose anyone as they don't like their behaviour.

This thread is weird as fuck. Quite frankly the OP isn't covering herself in glory either. Just walk away and leave it at that. Don't go to the wedding, block her everywhere you can and move on instead of this hysteria about how to handle this [enter pop psychology term of your choice] behaviour.

Don't go. If you do, on your own head be it.

Whose wedding is it?

Will your sister actually be there?

Are you saying out of all the people that are attending this wedding, there will not be one person on your side and your sister has managed, from a distance, to poison everyone against you?

Don't be daft. The phrase/label was not applied to relationships in nineteen thirty fucking nine. It is relatively recent (as in not nearly 90 years old)

So my sister hates me she's turned slagging me off into a life's Misson and people are so disgusted with me, they attack me on her behalf

Why? Don’t they have minds/opinions of their own?

Again, the interest and research into narcissism is much older than the interest and even older than the Wizard of Oz books. It’s quite common that things from specialist domains spread to people who are diagnosing left and right with information found online. There are no exams to pass to get internet access :-)

It's a shit and highly irritating term that's caught on throughout Mumsnet.

Remember the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz that reported back to the Wicked Witch? That's what they're describing in human form (except Frank L Baum actually called them Winged Monkeys).

You can usually spot how juvenile a post will be by this reference alone.

Thankyou 🤣🤣🤣
I've never heard the term before - and I loved the wizard of Oz 🤣

If people are so easily led and influenced by someone as clearly awful as your sister, why do you even give a shit what they think - they are obviously brainless idiots.

"Some random local called me stuck up" who fucking cares?!

Walk away with a “not my circus, not my monkeys “ approach!

Yes we all know what an actual fictional flying monkey is. The scary fuckers from the wizard of oz. It isn’t clever to try to patronise by explaining that.

what some of us are saying is

1. it isn’t true that 95 percent of people you don’t like are narcissists. Very very few people are. Not all behaviour you don’t like is because that person is a narcissist
2. it isn’t necessary to put labels into every single thing and group people into categories.
3. in all likelihood other people are far far less interested in you than you think and with most of the few who genuinely have a view you could probably dispel any preconceived ideas with a smile and some friendly words.
4. if you genuinely can’t cope with the situation don’t put yourself in it.

OP everybody in the world will come across people like this at some point in their lives, either in their family, work, friendship group, neighbourhood etc. I'm old, I've seen it all! It's shit but it's not a challenge unique to you.

Yes, people like this are awful and unbearable and treat you badly and put you in a position where you feel you have to defend yourself. But you can simply choose not to be part of the drama. Inside yourself you have a reserve of calm and reasonableness. Draw on it to ignore them. There will always be people like this who want to get into a toxic combative drama with you. Walk away, grey rock them. It's possible.

OP - whose wedding is it? Do you have to go?