How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

Oh, I am sooo sorry.
I didn't realise we were only able to offer support in AIBU!
Were the rules changed while I was asleep, because AIBU has mostly been lots of conflicting thoughts/support/rudeness/laughter/highs and lows, before
Plenty have supported you by suggesting you get a grip or that your interpretation of FM behaviour is somewhat skewed. They've also suggested you don't go to the wedding...
Me, well I just think the term FM is fucking stupid, so sorry if that's not supportive

You need to step back and stop engaging in people you don’t care about anyway. If your sister lives nowhere near you and you never see her, why do you even care or let yourself be engaged in the unnecessary drama. Just shrug your shoulders and live your own life. It does seem like you like the drama yourself tbh.

Spot on.

It has been explained ad nauseam since I asked - and despite people trying to tell me this has been around as a phrase since 1939 (bollox), I think it is a ridiculous label to stick on a bit of human behaviour!
But I will be flamed for saying that too!

How fucking condescending @LookItsMeAgain

Remove yourself from the drama by not going to the wedding. Problem solved.

Same here. Didn’t understand a word of what she was saying. 😂 Am I on a different planet!?

Go and talk to the glaring relative; say that they clearly have some sort of issue with you, can you sort it out? And take it from there.

Hello, @Flyingmmonkeys !
Still awaiting an answer....

@SmileyClare if you Google it, there's who sections on it across physiology websites. They do use that term.
@HowIrresponsible because then that person becomes cut off from family occasions and connections.

People are lucky that they haven't had someone so destructive in their lives. A relative by marriage has a PD and attachment disorder because of being fostered and the contact with family being a shit show. She decided, in her teens to target two of her siblings and can not see them as equal victims. She's emigrated, but still manages to recruit FM.
OP the only way to handle it is as suggested. Shut it down, ask is it appropriate at a family wedding, tell them that it's your business and keep out of it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post!
This thread just seems to be full of people willing to pull your head from your shoulders if you don't know what a flying (actually winged) monkey is, or that is related to narc behaviour (you see, in my day, a narc was the equivalent of a grass - someone who told, not someone who was a narcissist!)
And yes, it seems everything does require a label...!!

I understand your situation (and terminology) perfectly.

What I don’t understand is why you are there? Can you leave? Or completely avoid the toxicity by doing your own thing?

Lesson learned for you hopefully, you were foolish to willingly put yourself in harm’s way.

Absolutely. “Flying monkeys” is a twee over simplified description popularised by social media. It’s not an educated psychological descriptor of human behaviour.

Over simplifying complex family relationships by identifying a hero and a villain isn’t helpful. It absolves one person of any responsibility in a complex dynamic, and labels the other person as “evil” .

Its not a term a psychologist would use.

I don’t have any opinion, it’s just strangers on the internet and their behaviour and choices are beyond my control. To some extent it’s unavoidable because people like to put labels on everything.

Your advice is spot on.

Do you like the relative whose wedding it is?

If so then go along, stick with people that you know and like and any other vaguely friendly others.

If other relatives glare at you, smile sweetly back and turn away.

If they approach you to have a go then a polite but firm "I'm sorry, I don't think Belinda's wedding is the place and I don't think you're aware of all of the details. Excuse me" and walk away.

Most sensible response on this thread.

Keeps the high road, and immediately dumps the strange baggage right at the feet of those it belongs to, rather than picking it up and carrying it as your own.

This is posted in AIBU where you could literally say your neighbour set your dog on fire and someone would say you are unreasonable to be upset. The OP's situation needs to be posted in Relationships but a lot of people think that the Relationships board is about DP/DH relationships and it isn't it is about all relationships including parental and sibling etc. That board is far more supportive than AIBU which is known for brawling sadly.

The term flying monkeys has been used on MN at least a decade before TikTok was ever invented and I have experienced it personally in real life by a woman who liked to play the victim. Sadly grown women like to think they are back in the playground and get involved in other people's lives and create drama, just like on this board.

I knew what it meant, I get that other don't don't but 3 pages in, it's been explained now so let's move on. 🤷‍♀️

An understanding of the 'terminology' will help PPs offer advice/thoughts, surely?
Otherwise, limits responses

tbf if you don’t understand the term it’s difficult to understand the OP.

Or simply: 'why would you like to know?'