How do you deal with flying monkeys : people you don't know well but know they speak the words of their controller

Good advice.

OP ignore the posters who are unable to imagine anything beyond their own experience. Their posts are pretty pointless and they are wasting their time posting.

It's just bitchy, isn't it? Some posters seem determined to upset the op, and then to DEMAND an answer to their post.

I think it’s bizarre how everything has to have a silly label. You watch too many pseudo psychology wannabes on tiktok.

The term 'flying monkeys', or FM for short, has been used for decades by people who have to deal with narcissists. It's not a recent introduction.

Try reading the OP's posts, and not jumping on the band wagon because one person tried to derail the thread.

Clearly the bride and groom (cousins or similar?) don’t have an issue with you and want you to attend.

Your sister won’t be there.

You can attend, be pleasant and friendly and quell anyone’s preconceived ideas of you. Actions often speak louder than words.

I don’t think it’s helpful to view other guests as “flying monkeys” controlled by your sister (the wicked witch of the west)
The reality is likely to be far less dramatic.

If you do see yourself as Dorothy then although you don’t have some magic red shoes to click together to get you home, you do have the option of leaving the celebrations via an Uber or similar 😂

Any drama initiated by your (estranged) sister on social media is best avoided. Don’t engage.

I don't know where people got the idea it is the NC sister's wedding, but one person says it and others just jump on the "let's bash the op with something" bandwagon 🙄 OP has said It's not!

@Flyingmmonkeys I hope you can't find some good advice in between the pettiness.

The flying monkeys were in the wizard of oz and that's 1939, well the film was so not a new thing. Someone who does someone's bidding without thinking for themselves.

It's not a label it's words, they are helpful.

It's really not, if you use an iota of sense.

I would say something like “Yes, my sister has a lot of issues, it’s a tricky subject. Sorry if she’s got you involved.”

But saying that I’ve been in some rooms where the people are just nasty and awful and thrive on drama. In that case you physically leave and vow not to go anywhere near them again.

Sorry the thread didn't load, I thought it was your sister's wedding.

Just concentrate on the bride and grooms happy day. Make it clear you don't want any drama, and you are here to celebrate the happy couple.

Wow! Someone certainly pissed on your cornflakes this morning, didn't they?

I have a SIL like this.

If someone brings something up 'I politely say, well if that's what you choose to believe. I'm sure you know that you've got your facts correct. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone' and walk away. It soon piques their curiosity- but I don't feed it. If they're stupid enough to lap it up then I don't want anything to do with flying monkeys who have been made fools of. I have had apologies and all sorts from ex flying monkeys but have remained very cool with them. If you're going to say anything, say something kind. ' something like well I really do hope things work out for her, this wedding will be a fresh start for her' 'I'm glad to see her so happy' etc. This will contradict the narrative that she's spreading about you and make them question what she has been telling them.

I would concentrate on reflecting on your own reaction to it and making the best of the situation. Are there people there that you are looking forward to spending time with? Stuff you can arrange before or after with them? Can you minimise contact? Can you ask your DH to make sure you're not on your own as far as possible. Leave it to the last possible minute that you can to arrive and first to leave?

Just concentrate on yourself and getting through this without any drama. If there is any I guarantee it will be perceived as your fault.

It's a horrible situation to be in, I sympathise. You shouldn't let it affect you - one of those things that is simple but not easy, I'm afraid.

If it's beyond you to understand, you can just scroll on, you know.

Yes I can walk away but I'd also like to defend myself.

Sorry but you can't win, if they believe her lies you can't really counter that by rational argument and discussion.

Time will tell, as people soon get suspicious of someone who bad mouths someone else all the time.

Either they will realise the truth eventually, if not well you haven't missed out on a valuable friend.

@Flyingmmonkeys The problem is you feel you need to defend yourself. But that only benefits the narcissist as it keeps you engaged with her game.

What you actually need to do is detach from them and not care what they get up to. Just go and enjoy the wedding. Have a non committal reply ready for anyone who tries to goad you into getting involved in drama.

Did someone put acid in my morning coffee?

OP just go to the wedding, be friendly and gracious and if anyone’s a knob just quietly tell them to fuck off and walk away. No need to perpetuate all this drama.

Its also very familiar
The 20 years older abusive sister

OP you are coming across in this thread as someone who thinks everything is about them.

This whole thing sounds weird. Your sister lives thousands of miles away and has done for some time (years?). She carries a burning hatred and jealousy in her heart for you. She’s getting married and invited you to the wedding - you’ve agreed to go!

Meanwhile assorted relatives, friends and acquaintances have heard enough rumour and nasty stories from her to justify them treating you badly.

So, why did she invite you?
Why are you going?
What has she told these people that’s bad enough for them to be vile in her behalf?

I find it hard to believe so many people will blindly accept some unverifiable story as grounds to be “vile”. Generally, the offence would have to be dire and actually confirmed as real before they would do this en masse.

So, what’s the back story OP?