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AIBU?

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Original poster

To request child maintenance from abusive ex I won’t let see our son?

39 replies

Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 06:55

Hi there

following on my last post where I explain the extreme abuse my ex put me through and then eventually did infront of my child (after we split up) and that’s where I then put my foot down and stopped him from seeing our child..

am I wrong on applying for child Maintenance? He’s provided only 1 tin of milk for my son and no clothes nappies or wipes etc.

he’s booking holidays and taking girls on dates with his money and I have no problem with this if he’s paying for his son to have basic needs but he’s not. Calculator says he should pay £400 a month but he pays £0. Please don’t think I’m bitter. If he is away from me I’m happy and couldn’t care about dates and holidays. Point is my son has needs and I’m on maternity pay currently. When I’m back at wrk next month I’ll be a lot better :-). BUT I think he should still pay?

he’s threatened to put me in debt if I were to stand up to him (this is a different subject let’s not get into that) I have stood up to him anyway. But… am I wrong to apply if I am keeping my son away from him (for my sons safety and well-being)?

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 17/08/2024 07:16

My abusive ex never paid a penny in child support. I reported him to CMS, but they are so useless that they did absolutely nothing to even request the money, much less enforce payment.

StormingNorman · 17/08/2024 07:16

Go after the CMS. If he wanted to see his child he should have behaved like a father.

IBlameTheDog · 17/08/2024 07:13

Yes, he absolutely should pay.

Will he try to start having DC overnight? To reduce the payments? Does he have family around him?

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 17/08/2024 07:12

Of course the horrible fucker should pay towards the child he created. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it. Stand firm OP. You can do this 💪

Moongazer23 · 17/08/2024 07:11

Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 07:04

Thanks I just needed piece of mind, can he refuse to pay? If he does what happens? If he pushes back which I expect, I won’t proceed because I won’t give him that satisfaction

Put the claim in but don’t get your hopes up. I put a claim in 5 months ago and haven’t received anything due to him living under the radar. He was living at his new girlfriends 6 days after we split and because I don’t know the address and because he refusing to give it they can’t progress my case. They’ve just said I’ve got to wait till he slips up with car insurance etc. So even though he works etc I don’t get anything

Original poster
Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 07:09

Bigcatpaws · 17/08/2024 07:07

I thought if you apply through CMS he doesn’t have a choice.
If he won’t pay, it’ll get taken off his pay or benefits.
I may be wrong though.

Show quote history

Ah okay well this would make sense. I have provided his number address and work address name and occupation too. I am expecting a lovely email with threats on if I were to proceed once he receives a letter but let’s see. I just feel like somehow and some way he is going to almost certainly turn this on me and come out on top once again

OP posts:
Bigcatpaws · 17/08/2024 07:07

Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 07:04

Thanks I just needed piece of mind, can he refuse to pay? If he does what happens? If he pushes back which I expect, I won’t proceed because I won’t give him that satisfaction

I thought if you apply through CMS he doesn’t have a choice.
If he won’t pay, it’ll get taken off his pay or benefits.
I may be wrong though.

Original poster
Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 07:05

Soditsally · 17/08/2024 06:59

Having him take responsibility for his son and being a positive role model are 2 completely different things
Apply for maintenance - expect some unpleasant push back - keep all evidence of abuse - if he takes you to court for access then you can demonstrate how he is and your child's welfare is the priority

Or .. do what I did and just walk away and provide for your child , enjoy the quiet drama free life and the fact that I probably would never have received a penny .

Well done you are brave and wonderful and should be so proud. I hope you have healed from the scumbag and you and your child are now thriving

OP posts:
Bigcatpaws · 17/08/2024 07:05

Don’t be intimidated by him. Claim CMS. He produced a child and has a duty to that child whether he has access or not. He should pay.

Original poster
Questionqueen · 17/08/2024 07:04

Thanks I just needed piece of mind, can he refuse to pay? If he does what happens? If he pushes back which I expect, I won’t proceed because I won’t give him that satisfaction

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 17/08/2024 07:00

Yanbu
The two are separate issues.

Both parents have equal responsibility to provide for their child.

A child must be protected from an abuser as far as possible. That doesn't mean the abuser gets to not contribute to feeding and clothing their child.

Soditsally · 17/08/2024 06:59

Having him take responsibility for his son and being a positive role model are 2 completely different things
Apply for maintenance - expect some unpleasant push back - keep all evidence of abuse - if he takes you to court for access then you can demonstrate how he is and your child's welfare is the priority

Or .. do what I did and just walk away and provide for your child , enjoy the quiet drama free life and the fact that I probably would never have received a penny .

ReacherSaidNothing · 17/08/2024 06:57

You've split up, he has a child and should pay his dues to that child. End of.

JMSA · 17/08/2024 06:57

YANBU. It takes two to produce a child, and it's not your/your son's fault that he has fucked things up with his behaviour.