Sister jealousy

Sorry going to stick up for OP her. She put up a post because she couldn't make out her feelings about it. She knew she didn't want sister's actual life but felt strangely jealous but couldn't explain. Sorry, but this is half the people I see in therapy. People wanting to explain why they feel a certain way. And them wanting to explain it says something about the kind of person they are.

Can we not be honest on here anymore?

Maybe because she is a nicer person than you?

Presumably nothing to do with sister. She wants what she has - you don’t want what you have/think you wanted. You might want it more if other people like your sister coveted it but they don’t - would be v interested in why you did a PhD? For some reason I have found it is often a sign of some kind of need for something that rarely hits the mark….

Probably all off base 😂 but enjoying being an armchair psychologist!!

Husband
Works part time
3 children
Cost life
Has close friends and family

Do you have the same or do you just work your ass off and stress about everything. Her life sounds simpler and remember some people don't value money. All they want is enough for a home and food and material things they are content without

You have a complicated stressful life she has a simple happy one. It doesn't matter that you don't actually want her life, you just want a bit more peace.

Poor vacuous sister. It really is a mystery why you’re so jealous of her.

She doesn't think deeply about anything.

You know this how? She's such a "basic bitch" that she doesn't have the ability?

I think deeply about everything to the point of exhaustion.

How totally unproductive. You should get help for that.

I think the way you've written about your sister is quite horrible and it has made me feel really sad for her, actually. She would be devastated if she knew how little you think of her in order to big yourself up.

Instead you want to be on your own, working full time earning a middling salary and doing 100% of the housework and childcare?

Nothing wrong in taking ‘such a gendered path’. Sad to hear about the half arsed husband though. But if she’s happy she’s happy.

Either you think very little of our comprehension skills here or you were “trying to slag her off.”

You can’t have both.

I have a sister like you. She has everything in the world you could possibly ask for. And yet she’s jealous of me for some lifelong unknown reason that she refuses to define or acknowledge. She just makes catty little remarks and thinks I don’t notice and tries to undermine me to the family.
Joke’s on her — I don’t care any more.
I’d think about that previous sentence if I were you.

By slating her sister, her BIL

saying her sister is basic, simple, doesn’t think deeply?

Thats cruel- to say that about your own sister. Unless you think that’s normal behaviour.

Possibly, but as a simple,basic bitch? And just because the OP thinks this small town/not worldly, (which is clearly meant as a negative) doesn't mean it's true.

Jealous of the lack of worry and stress? Even if it's not what you want for yourself, the relaxed life is something to be jealous of.

But if someone is not worldly and small town in their outlook, can you not describe them as that? Come on now

Not trying to slag her off? Read back what you wrote about her.
This sister has a very cosy life, quite small town mentality, keeps family and friends close but isn't worldly or outward looking in perception etc. The closest I can get to describe her that people would understand is 'basic bitch' but she's not a bitch, she's lovely, just very simple.
-Small town mentality
-Isn't worldly or outward looking
-A basic bitch
-Is simple
Yep, all lovely kind things to write!!

This.

OP is trying to understand what's at play as she's feeling something she can't make sense of and looking for advice.

Typical MN being so cruel to someone who is being vulnerable and trying to find answers to better herself?!

I don't think OP is simply jealous. She has a yearning for something in her sister's life, she can't explain it, and she's doing the healthy thing of exploring what is at the root of that. No point just saying 'don't have those feelings'.

Dottiemay, is it possible that in being a single parent and in succeeding admirably at your career, you have some innate parent guilt? Could there be a cosy child-centred vibe to your sister's setup that slightly triggers you? Nothing to feel guilty about, but social conditioning is quite strong about the mother role even if you know really that you've ultimately given you and your kid the best outcome of the situation?

Fingers crossed then for the marriage to fail and the OP might feel a bit better about herself then 🤞

This is a quite mean. OP wasn't unkind in her posting, she said her sister was lovely. Being loved by a romantic partner isn't the only love that is valid. You can be loved by many people; children, family, friends, colleagues. I think OP trying to understand this says something about her.

OP's sister might have won at life right now but nearly half marriages end in divorce so maybe not keeping a career active won't win out in the long term.

Is it just jealousy, or is there a tiny bit of contempt in there too? Surely, having given up trying to achieve and settled for a lowly life, she should be a bit dissatisfied/aware? Do you have a little voice saying that, alongside the jealousy about her contentment? It would be very uncomfortable to feel that way about a lovely sister, and probably natural to Bury it under a baffling level of unwarranted jealousy so you don't have to realise it too closely

I think this too. It’s the wanting.
Similar occurred with DP who thinks he craves power, status, and money, and a friend who he’s long looked down on but who is settled and content.