Sister jealousy

Basic bitch has never been a kind or complementary way of describing anyone.

I don’t think you understand what the OP is saying at all.

Ah, thanks for that! So it's the person using it that's a derisory bitch then as its clearly not meant in a complimentary or 'kind' way.

I am jealous of my sister who lives in a nice village has one child, works but husband is the main earner. I am the breadwinner and was happy with this until I got older. It’s hard being the one who holds all the responsibilities. I am jealous of my sisters opportunity to relax, do what she wants and let someone else bear the main burdens.

Basic bitch is a term used to mean a white woman who is not particularly intelligent and who is into mainstream culture activities and clothing, like for example Love Island, gin o’clock and girlie nights out. Someone who doesn’t think much further than their immediate life. I’m sure you have an idea of what I mean. It doesn’t mean that the person is a bitch. I believe it originated in US rap culture.

That's not what @Twistybranch has said, she's said Your sister has won at life, she is content and is probably very loved. So I read it as content and being loved=winning?
Or do you agree with the OP and think winning only = financial and academic success?

I have a sister that was jealous of me.
i had a baby young i took a lot of stigma from her.
I worked hard over the years to get where i am now.
Like your sister i live in a small town a few friends im happy with life and how it turned out i have a job not a high earner but i earn enough.
Im now in my 30s my child is 21 and moved out my sister cant stand me because well i have no children around my feet i have a small home that i love im a minimalist and single but she cant understand that i like my life she thinks im unhappy as i cant be content and happy with what i have in life.

She however is way in her 40s and with a baby and a teen a husband that cant earn enough for her liking.
Constantly moaning how hard parenting is how she needs a break.
And always wants more in life more money more friends enough is never enough for her.
And will find some crap to say about anyone that is like me people that are happy with life and what they have.
We dont talk much any more but she dose rat on to my other sitser about how sad i am how lonely i must be how i always smile just to cover up the fact im so unhappy with life.

Agree. I hope the sister never realises.

Perhaps it’s jealousy of her being content with what she has rather than you wanting what she has.

It does come across like you think you're better than her.

Given this is your sister are your emotions based in childhood? My children can be very envious of one another and competitive. Sometimes the youngest one competes with the middle one to be better at something and the middle one doesn't even realise or care. I can imagine these types of behaviour continuing to adulthood albeit subconsciously.

How on earth has she ‘won’ at life? Unless you think having a husband, children and a tendency to underthink are the pinnacle of existence?

You sound a bit like the younger of DHs brothers. He would never admit to being jealous but some of the digs he makes towards DH and our life very much suggest he is but he doesn't know why. I'm not saying you're digging, just trying to give a perspective.

We are not flashy. We're comfortable enough to be flashy if we wanted to be but it doesn't interest us. So we have an older car, a smaller house and a simpler way of life. It suits us, so we're happy. And that's what he digs at, the fact we are "the poor relations" or that his "stuff" is better. We definitely earn more as a household than he does but you'd never know it.

I think people really do want to be content, but think they need certain things to be there. And it's fine to want a different life. Maybe if you find what makes you content you'll feel differently?

It’s easy to be jealous of people who’ve found their place in the world, even if their place isn’t what you want for yourself.

Jeez @Twistybranch - do you need to be so awful. Don't kick someone when they're down. OP is trying to work something out. No need to be so damn harsh.

I have a friend who is never happy with what she's got. At one stage she was jealous of her own dh as she said he hadn't worked hard enough for his role , as though it was just handed to him on a plate. She spoke about reading a book for therapy - how it was to help with envy and jealousy. This is something I've never encountered and I've realised over the years that she probably looks down on most people in her life, including me.

I'm not career- focused and although I have a degree I am happy to coast along, I'm not someone who dreams to succeed. I think this perplexes her. I like a simple life whereas she's always looking at her next holiday, or the new designer bag she saw. She pushes herself constantly and seems to think others should do the same. I do know however that she envies my family life. She always wanted the husband and kids fairytale but unfortunately it didn't work out (probably due to her being so focused on her career) Envy seems to be a vicious circle.

Did you want more children? That was my immediate thought. Or maybe it's because she's happily married. Her husband might not be as useless as everyone is making out. I don't see why he should do half the housework and childcare if he's working full time and she's part time. At least he sorted out the mortgage, so has taken on some of the house admin, but you also seem to have found fault with this.

Sorry, haven’t rift but might it help to reframe this as envy rather than jealousy, and live with it?
For me, a jealous person wants what someone else has instead of them, not as well as them. They want to take that thing away from them. Envy is less toxic and rooted in a more real, more reasonable world. You can live with envy, probably ?

I get what you're saying, OP. You already know jealousy is toxic but you're trying to understand it. I think that's the right way to go.

Emotions are only human, we all have them, I don't suppose for an instant the OP wants to be jealous. To admit you feel that way and try to do something about it is courageous, the unkind comments don't help someone to do that.

Use the jealousy to examine carefully what it is exactly what you are jealous about. Usually that feeling is telling you that something is amiss in your own life and when you have identified what it is, you can make changes yourself which either make you more content, more fulfilled or happier in some way....you will know you have succeeded because the jealousy will go.

Try to examine every single aspect about your sister, her personality, her life, her relationships etc., Compare it to your own but do it in a way which doesn't concentrate on how she does things but whether that aspect is good/fulfilling or needs changing in your own life. Eventually you will come across things which you might want to change for yourself, or where you may have dreams for the future or even regrets from the past. That will give you the clues you need.

Good luck with it!

Have you always been envious of her, as kids were you? Is part of it she’s married?

How can someone be lovely and yet a bitch at the same time? It makes no sense..

OP I think that most jealousy is because the person isn’t happy in their own life or feels something is missing. In your situation I think the jealousy of your sister is an unhealthy mechanism you’ve developed to avoid analysing your own situation too deeply.

It might help to really concentrate on what you want out of life. Being a single parent is hard, and it sounds like you’re doing a great job, but focussing on yourself and acknowledging you may need more sometimes is ok to! Please don’t allow this negativity to fester, neither you nor your sister deserve for it to negatively affect your relationship.

I agree that you can be jealous of things you know you wouldn't actually like. I get this sometimes.

I actually posted on here about it as I always get it every summer when I see everyone's holidays. I can't deal with heat and I hate flying, but I see people's holidays and feel jealous- even though I know I'd hate being in an AI in Greece in 38 degrees and would much rather be in a Welsh cottage on the side of a mountain.

The curse of being ambitious and intelligent is that you often can’t help overthinking and you become your own worst enemy. You are never satisfied. You will never be the sort of person who just skips along happy with your lot but that’s a good thing.

Lol at the people saying the sister has won at life. Sounds like her husband is useless but I guess if your goal is to get a man, any man, then she has won at life. The OP and many others would rather be single than sacrificing ourselves for some lazy dickhead who could help us out but chooses not to though.

I find this interesting as I found myself looking at drug addicts sleeping rough who were drunk in the daytime during a stressful period of my life and thinking I wish I could be like to be them. Obviously I didn’t really want this and in reality, their life must be far more stressful, it wasn’t rational, but when I really analysed it, it was because I felt like I had so much responsibility and such high expectations on my shoulders and it was scary. I bet you have had years of pushing down your fears of having to cope with everything alone. You have also done very well in your career but it probably comes with some sacrifices that your sister hasn’t had to make. I still yearn for a life with less responsibility from time to time, am hoping it comes in retirement but I have a DD with autism so am not sure I will ever get to be selfish again. Like you, I am also an over thinker and this never really frees you up to live in a carefree way. Best thing to do is to practice gratitude and focus in on all the things in your life that make you happy, even the small ones. And whilst you will never be your sister you could take some inspiration from the life she has created to see how you might want to re-shape yours a bit.