Sister jealousy

Zombie thread!

Basic bitch... wow .
Your sister is content with her life she isnt constantly striving for better and better.
She is happy in the moment what your sister is content with is none of your business.
You have set yourself up for high standards so life will seem relentless in that you are constantly trying to achieve but fail to enjoy life in the moment as your sister is.
You sound unhappy.

I can’t imagine calling someone, anyone a basic bitch, least of all my sister.

Everyone is different, even sisters. Your sister, according to you is happy and content with her lot, which might not be your choice for your life. The problem fundamentally isn’t your sister, it is you. For whatever reason, despite all your striving, and dare I say, the one big mistake you appear to have made, ie ending up with a child, no matter how loved now, but possibly unplanned at the time. You need to focus on you, your plans, your child, your career and life pathways, and not dwell on the happiness of others. Go find your happy place, make the most of being you.

I do see the difference but assumed that the OP was using it in the way I would. I chose to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think you need to work on what you think you need for contentment, try and work out what is lacking for you. Love yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. There's lots of stuff online. Mindbodysoul is one.x

Nothing wrong with being a basic bitch (misses point of thread)😁
I think you're annoyed your sister is content OP despite making (in your mind) lesser choices in life.

It’s because she’s truly content. No amount of career success/salary/ social status can bring that. She’s happy with her life and it shows.

So you don’t see the difference?

Do you think the Op and her sister sit and make jokes, that the sister finds funny, about her being a basic bitch?

If you want to make a family joke of a misogynistic insult. That’s up to you. Have at it. But it’s not the same as someone using it to describe their sister to other people, not as a joke and behind their back.

I don’t care about the word cunt. Me and dp use it, in private, as a joke. But that doesn’t mean I think any and all use of the word cunt, isn’t offensive. I wouldn’t use it to describe my brother, behind his back to other people. I can see, while it doesn’t bother me or Dp, it being used in other contexts isn’t ok.

I am an extremely pleasant person. I have 2 teenage daughters - very different. My middle daughter jokes about me and the older one being 'basic bitches' and we all laugh about it. Horses for courses. I am expressing my own personal feelings and have probably been less unpleasant on this post - at least to the OP - who is the person who made herself vulnerable by asking the Q, then many others on this thread.

I would much rather be called a Basic Bitch than a Homebody. I don't think op is being horrible at all

Maybe you are generally rather unpleasant then.

What does basic bitch mean?
Basic bitch is a term used to condescendingly refer to women who have predictable or unoriginal style, interests, or behavior. The term has been criticized as misogynistic, though it has been reclaimed, to some extent, by women who have been labeled basic bitches.

What is a homebody?
noun
a person who seldom goes anywhere; one not given to wandering or travel

I would much rather be called a Basic Bitch than a Homebody. I don't think op is being horrible at all.

I have been a single parent to 2 girls and am a real worrier. I used to look at friends with partners who did things and it was so alien to me, I couldn't even feel jealous. I think family is different and you do have rivalry since birth - some much more pronounced than others.

Have you always felt like this? Not to delve too deep but is there some dynamic from childhood? Sorry, wrong quote. meant to quote the one this quote responded to

Honest? One of the worst personality traits is thinking other people are beneath you.

The OP doesn’t feel bad because she thinks in this horrible way about her sister. The OP’s navel gazing is because she wants validation that she is superior to her uninspiring sister and wants strangers to tell her that she deserves her perceived status quo.

Who cares about PHDs and senior roles when you’re leading an unfulfilled and bitter life? What office worker looks back when they are approaching the end of their career, and doesn’t realise they will be replaced by a younger, brighter person the next business day after they leave? Their name will be wiped from the company’s website and be quickly forgotten about.

The OP’s sister will have her family, her community and the things she nurtured and put her time and energy into until the end.

Yes, OP would working on your friendships help? I know personally how hard it is for a single mum who has no close friends. And family? Are you close to your parents?

And obvs don't let your envy poison your bond w your sister- 'Basic bitch' is horrible, why do you need to use sexist rap terms!

Do you think (rightly of wrongly) that she has less stress than you, and you're jealous of that?

Is she happily married? Are you jealous of that, even though her actual husband isn't your cup of tea?

Are you jealous that she's perhaps more rooted in a community she's been in all her life, has more very long-term friendships etc?

I agree with all this.

@Dottiemay

If you haven’t already read it give Mary Harrington’s Feminism against progress a go.I found it an interesting read.

It may give you and insight into why you feel like you do and how as unfair as it is the world is currently set up to benefit your sisters choices not yours.( Spolier alert it’s the patriarchy)

No excuse for the basic bitch analogy I hope you didn’t really mean it. I also wouldn’t underestimate the power of good, enjoyable, regular sex!!

What a grim turn of phrase...

@Dottiemay i was a single mum while the kids were growing. I have the senior career. Of course it’s hard. But no point comparing to other people. Comparing lives never works. I could look at anyone, and wish I had bits of their lives and glad I don’t have other bits of their lives.

My personal opinion on this that it isn’t really jealousy. There’s some jealousy. But I think you have made up this (incorrect) narrative that certain choices and preferences are, innately, better and so entitle you to certain things.

and people who don’t make those choices shouldn’t be content with what they have.

This is about you being frustrated. You made choices that you felt would lead to a fulfilled life. And you don’t feel it’s fulfilled. You are applying those rules to your sister and annoyed she is content despite making different choices.

The other sister that has a successful career doesn’t spark this in you, because she has made similar choices to you. So that fits your narrative.

Once you can reconcile that your choices aren’t better, aren’t the secret code to being successful at life and accept different people can be content with different choices and lifestyles you will find the jealousy disappears.

I think I understand your feelings.

My neighbour doesn’t have a job.
I would not want her life, and she talks a lot about money and seems to hate people with jobs and money.

I don’t want her life but I can’t understand how she is getting away with not working.
That option was not available to me.

It’s not jealousy though it’s like a rage or annoyance at her.

I can’t explain it either and luckily I never see her but I think what gets to me is that she is getting away with things that I had no choice about.

Could it be similar reasons about your sister?

Jealousy and envy are curious beasts. What they resemble to the perceived is very often a reflection of themselves in a state of lack. We can often learn more of ourselves from this reflection than we can from any other. Often we have a warped view of what we think we should be and can fool ourselves that what we think we see is what we want to be. However, jealousy and envy are not false feelings. They are often brutal and honest and hard to face.

When envy rises up in me I feel I have to face it head on and examine what it is that needles me so much. Well done op on having the self perception and honesty to examine and confront this. Being honest to yourself is one of the hardest things to be. I hope you find what it is that you secretly want and take action. Your sister is teaching you something here.

I once read that jealousy is a form of entitlement. When you feel it, it’s because you feel you are entitled to these things. Which is why when we see someone that we deem ‘beneath us’ (that is horrible I know) having something that we feel we are entitled to more be that due to harder work / higher perceived social status / higher intelligence / whatever, it hits us harder.

When I was at school I was in a group that prided itself on being ambitious and intelligent. One of the group completely withdrew from me when I found myself the first to get married, own a house and have children. She admitted years later that she was so jealous she couldn’t bear to be near me because I made her feel poor, single and scared of never having children of her own. Yet she was fine about others in the group when it eventually happened to them. I think this was because she always had perceived me as ‘lesser‘ than her and the others she’d always seen as equal to her. So she felt I didn’t ‘deserve’ it so to speak. It’s really sad as I would have loved our friendship to continue but her blindness and jealousy prevented it.

I can't get past you describing your sister as a "basic bitch" and "very simple"! You sound absolutely horrible.

What is she saying then?

@Dottiemay I think the jealousy stems from her life being not necessarily easy, but uncomplicated. My life is similar in many ways, though OH does pull his weight around the house and as a partner/parent.

She knows who she is, what she wants and she has it and is happy and content with her lot in life . You wanted and want more, but that comes with its own challenges and choices. You wouldn't be happy with her life, but envy the "ease" of it. Sadly, you can't have both, at least not at the moment.

You sound rather nasty about her and her life actually. Calling her small town mentality and basic for a start, clearly you think she's beneath you.