Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not a good wife

235 replies

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:01

If your husband said the words you are a great mother, but not a good wife how would u feel?
For context 2 kids under 5 husband works away 7am to 7pm.... gets to fit in gym time in the evening
I do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, oh and work full time as well. He hardly lifts a finger round the house... but apparently i am not a good wife.
Then he has the nerve 2 ask me what i do 4 him and that he doesnt care about washing or cooking... he can do that himself.
Am i missing something?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 16/08/2024 22:44

Why would you leave him a list?

If you are both working full time, then he should know as much as you.

If he doesn't, then that's on him.

Next week, mirror what he does, gym after work, drinks later, whinge he's not a good husband once you're home.

Guavafish1 · 16/08/2024 22:42

I think your a terrible husband

arethereanyleftatall · 16/08/2024 22:41

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:17

Comments like not being a good wife dent away at a person. Def not what i need
He is good with the kids on the weekend, but with travel to work and home he is in late so it is mostly all on me sadly

Why would it dent away at you, when objectively, the entire problem is him? You can't do any more than you are. The entire problem is him. And he is nasty on top of that. All him saying that shows is how horrible he is, it's nothing to do with you,

AdoraBell · 16/08/2024 22:40

Tell him he’s a bad husband.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/08/2024 22:38

I would feel that I had picked really really unwisely.

I would start researching divorcing.

I would respond that he is neither a good husband, nor a good father.

Runnerinthenight · 16/08/2024 22:35

Have you pointed out to him that he is a shit husband???

Illpickthatup · 16/08/2024 22:33

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:23

Im going to have 2 leave him a list for next week.when he has 2 watch the kids... my normal childminders r off so he has had 2 take holidays 2 look after them... im back to work next week after time off 2 watch the kids. Think he may be frazzled by the time i get home and i wont even b away as long a day as him

The fact you have to leave him a list is ridiculous. A parent should know how to look after their own kids and know what's required in their own home. He's a shit dad and husband. He has a cheek to say you're not a good wife.

How can he expect whatever his definition of a good wife is when he doesn't put in any effort to be a good husband.

itsmylife7 · 16/08/2024 22:31

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:23

Im going to have 2 leave him a list for next week.when he has 2 watch the kids... my normal childminders r off so he has had 2 take holidays 2 look after them... im back to work next week after time off 2 watch the kids. Think he may be frazzled by the time i get home and i wont even b away as long a day as him

Maybe have an after work drink or coffee in other words....don't rush home.

Copperoliverbear · 16/08/2024 22:29

I'd book myself a weeks holiday alone and leave him in charge of everything, then let's see how he feels at the end of the week.

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:23

Im going to have 2 leave him a list for next week.when he has 2 watch the kids... my normal childminders r off so he has had 2 take holidays 2 look after them... im back to work next week after time off 2 watch the kids. Think he may be frazzled by the time i get home and i wont even b away as long a day as him

OP posts:
Switcher · 16/08/2024 22:22

Yeah he can leave and find another doormat.

RhaenysRocks · 16/08/2024 22:21

Toothlessdragon4 · 16/08/2024 22:10

No inkling he was this type of man before you married and had kids?

Apart from money, an expectation of wifely duties and derogatory comments what does he bring to your life?

My marriage would be over in my mind and I would be planning my exit.

Oh do fuck off with that. Children change the dynamic beyond recognition. Stop with this "you should have picked better". It's the easiest thing in the world to find yourself in a situation as things gradually deteriorate. I'm sure you know the boiling frog analogy?

Wallywobbles · 16/08/2024 22:19

And I'd put money in you doing more than your fair share on the weekend too. I'd aim to be out from early Sat to late Sunday every weekend for a few months. See how sexy that makes him feel.

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:17

Comments like not being a good wife dent away at a person. Def not what i need
He is good with the kids on the weekend, but with travel to work and home he is in late so it is mostly all on me sadly

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 16/08/2024 22:17

I'd tell him to fuck off. If he thinks you're such a bad wife, he knows where the door is. Offer to help him pack his bags!

K37529 · 16/08/2024 22:16

What is his definition of a good wife? Sounds like your doing everything while his life has just continued as normal, would love to hear what he thinks he does that makes him a good a husband.

Travar · 16/08/2024 22:15

I'd say 'oh dear! That's terrible I'm such a bad wife. Let's divorce immediately.'

TruthorDie · 16/08/2024 22:13

MonsteraMama · 16/08/2024 22:06

He means "you're not also willing to be my personal masturbation aid therefore in my tiny, useless, pea brained little mind you're useless".

If my husband said that to me it'd be the last day I ever do a single dusty fucking thing for him other than hand him divorce papers.

Errr this

I don’t aspire to be a good wife so that would just make me chuckle. Often that’s code for “do what l want and service my every whim” which aren’t my goals. For the record he sounds like a shit husband and dad. Why is he out gallivanting all the time and you are left at home doing the heavy lifting?

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:13

I guess b4 kids there was a lot more time 4 each other and naturally theres not the same time now, but surely thats the same 4 most with wee kids and is a season which passes?

OP posts:
Toothlessdragon4 · 16/08/2024 22:12

No words!

MonsteraMama · 16/08/2024 22:12

Have you advised him yet that you'd be a better wife if he wasn't an F-Tier husband? I mean what does he actually bring to your relationship?

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:11

And there this morning i went and bought stuff to make a nice dinner we could have, and what did he decide 2 do...
Go drinking with his mates, then declare im a bad wife on his return 😳

OP posts:
Toothlessdragon4 · 16/08/2024 22:10

No inkling he was this type of man before you married and had kids?

Apart from money, an expectation of wifely duties and derogatory comments what does he bring to your life?

My marriage would be over in my mind and I would be planning my exit.

Original poster
Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:09

Thanks for all the messages, he is very much woe is me attitude and is blaming me it seems.

Ive already just fed my wee one, who will no likely be up again shortly. And my 4 year old is such a poor sleeper 2 (possible asd) so i am running on empty a lot

OP posts:
Abigaillovesholidays · 16/08/2024 22:06

Perhaps if he was home more and helped with running the house, you might have the time, energy or inclination to have sex with him. He should take a look at himself because critiquing you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread