Not a good wife

I’d be staying somewhere else for the whole of the time he’s got off. Let him get a real taste of your life. Even then he won’t be working full time on top.

"Am i missing something?"

Umm, yes, you seem to be missing a loving man who should know that if it wasn't for you, he'd have nothing.

The last thing this dickhead needs is more confidence and ego stroking! He already seems to think he's in a position to critique the OP based on his own contribution of fuck all to the running of the household and their relationship.

I'd rather do everything myself forever than creep around the kind of cunt that won't just pull their weight because they are an adult and instead are happy to watch someone they are supposed to love run themselves ragged while they piss around at the gym and the pub. Fuck that sexist regressive bullshit for a game of soldiers.

He sounds like a prick.
The truth is anyone who says that isn't a good husband. Especially seeing as you run the home and work.
What exactly does he do?
I'd be telling him to utilise the door and not to look backwards.

So he's a shit husband AND a shit father. I suggest this performance review process should work both ways.

First ask him to define in detail what he thinks a good wife should be doing. Don't let up until he spits it out.
Then I'd tell him he's not rich enough or good looking enough for you to lie on your back for him and do bedroom gymnastics every night.

Yes. He is a dickhead knob. Who is playing away.
Ditch him.
And next week - no lists. Unless it is of all the things he needs to sort or attend like school shoes, dentists, play dates. Parties etc.
don't arrange food.
Don't arrange gifts
Don't remind him of anything.

And come home late every night. Having had some fun. And then tell him he is a terrible father & partner......

This. You deserve better than this kind of crap, OP.

He is playing away. Ditch him asap

He’s feeling entitled to sex because “ it’s your duty”

If you’re a “bad wife” say that you could divorce him then he’d be free of you.

”Am I missing something?”

Yeah. A decent husband and partner.

I would make time to do whatever you want after work and come home reeeeeeally late, so that he has to do the children ‘s sorting himself

Your husband thinks that when you gained the title of wife that he also gained and skivvy typical man

@babyproblems Your comment struck a cord with me, when my father cheated on my mother (after tens of years of her running his life for him), she went to a neighbours house heartbroken and upset, and over a wine the neighbour said to her “he was only ever a passenger in your life” and she said it changed her whole perspective and gave her a defiance to know she would be okay with out him. Hopefully those who have sent supportive messages to OP help her see she is defiant and she is more than capable to know she can push back and challenge this toxic behaviour he has displayed ❤️

@Catdogmouse1 i think some men really struggle after kids not having your u devoted attention and seeing you give most of your energy to the kids. It’s totally natural but some clearly weren’t prepared for it and so give their wives hassle for not doting on them

Why does he get to fit in gym time in the evening instead of doing childcare and housework at least half of the time while you get to do something for yourself in the evening? He's a twat who doesn't pull his weight.

@Catdogmouse1 OP my partner works 65 hour weeks and I work part time, he does his share of the housework, cooking and bathes our son every night and shares putting him to bed - because he loves his child and wants to spend time with him more than just at the weekend and he knows we are a team. Your husband has NO excuse for treating you like this and you need to have serious words with him so he wakes tf up. Don’t waste your life with someone who doesn’t appreciate you - I learnt this from my mum who did everything for my dad only for him to have an affair and leave her in her 50s. (Not saying this will happen to you, but wake him up that you guys are a team, and you will be happier and you guys will have happier times together if he picks up his fair share of the load) All the best, you got this gal x

Doesn't he bore you to death with the inane shit coming from his mouth.

I honestly don't know how you have the energy to listen to his crap let alone repeat it and ask for clarity.

The man is worthless.

Find a grown up.

@Catdogmouse1 - please don’t do the horrible surrendered wife bullshit which is being suggested up thread. He doesn’t need his ego massaged. He doesn’t need to be made to feel like a hero for behaving like a proper adult and doing some parenting. He just needs to step up.

Doesn’t sound like he’s being much of a husband come to that. Leaves all the parenting to you during the week. Why isn’t he sharing the load? He sounds like a selfish prick.

I’m aware of the boiling frog analogy.

Imagine you are that frog. And then, one day, you actually realise that you are being boiled alive.

What would you do?

Would you say ‘oh well, it’s probably cold outside, I’ll just stay here until I boil to death even though that is a really slow and painful and agonising death’.

Or would you post on MumsNet to confirm the temperature of the water is the problem, not a menopausal hot flush, and then figure out how to jump out of the boiling water?

Time to go away for a few days (or even a week) on your own so he can see exactly how much easier you make his life.

Tell his dad on him - or worse tell your mum!

He’s not your partner really is he. I cannot believe you do all that AND work full time. Whilst he does nothing for the home/family workload. I do all the jobs you list but I’m not working (in paid employment I mean!!) and DH does some things at home. He’s just a passenger in your family basically.
Agree he probably means he’s not getting as much sex as he wants. Would give me the ick even more than him being such a lazy useless person tbh!!! I dread to ask how your finances are organised.. if they’re shared I’d start getting paid help to do the housework. If he won’t help you out then he can pay for his share of it.

Tell him you don't have time to be a "good wife" as you are too busy pulling his share of being a parent and provider (which is more than earning money)! The solution is that he steps up and then you'll cuddle up!

When he has to look after the kids when he is off, and you come home earlier than he would normally, make sure he makes the tea and cleans up etc for a few days and on the last night, when he is shattered (after just a few days) ...wake him up at farrow fart and jump on him and see how he reacts!