Not a good wife

I would be telling him if he took on more of a role with parenting and looking after the house maybe I'd have more energy and interest in investing in the relationship.

He is a CF. Probably worth a conversation though if you want the relationship to work. If he is out of the house so much he probably has no idea how draining it is parenting young children.

This.
He's already made himself a victim in his mind, he's gearing up to go and find a younger, child free model (if he hasn't found her already)

Tell him he's not a good husband. It goes both ways. You've told him you need affection, he doesn't give it.

And why isn't he up with the kids overnight too? You both work, you both need sleep overnight, you should be splitting it.

If you had a real husband instead of this pouty man baby I'm sure you'd be a great wife.

Maybe he is looking elsewhere, getting in early and re-writing history.

How drunk was he when he uttered the words?

not that it’s any excuse you should still follow all pp advice except the 1950’s stroke his ego one

Leave him to look after the kids on a Saturday and sunday consecutively.

Prepare all the food for the kids only

Wake up, go out..come back evening.

Repeat the next day.

LTB and on your way out tell him you’ll make an even worse ex wife!

It is not your job to make bolster someone elses self esteem.

If his "ego" needs to be stroked, then he has a lot of work to do on himself, and not put his shit on others.

What a crap thing to say OP.

The question to ask yourself is.. is he a good husband? It doesn't sound like he is contributing much (other than money)?

As the old Mumsnet saying goes... get those ducks in a row and if his behaviour doesn't improve... pull the pin. Everyone will have an opinion, they will guilt you, make you feel like you are expecting to much. T

It doesn't seem fair that you do everything. He works 7 am to 7pm and manages to fit in sessions at the gym. Meanwhile you do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, and work full time as well. He hardly does anything round the house. He had told you he doesn't value or care about washing or cooking because he can do that himself although from what you say he doesn't actually do any of it.

I don't mean to be hurtful but I'd be suspicious that he was scrabbling for an excuse for leaving and/or having an affair. You know with somebody who can coo over him because she is not exhausted raising his children single-handedly. People go about men abandoning their beautiful little children and they are missing out etc but some men just don't appreciate or like the mess and general lack of glamour that young children bring and can't wait to get out once they realise the reality of life for a considerable time. I am not saying this is acceptable or excusable but just the reality of the situation for some people.

Can you get a cleaner in? Is there anything you can stop doing especially if it's something for him. Easier meals? Any mod cons that you could get to to make life easier like a waste disposal unit, dishwasher, clothes dryer if you don't already have those things. I'd be remembering that statement and in due course I'd be acting on it by getting a divorce.

I feel that no trad wife compliments and thanking him for any tiny contribution he makes will inspire him to share the load. I assume if you say, "What big muscles you have, you are such a manly man" his response will not be to tell you to sit down and he'll deal with the laundry while showing you how he can heft laundry with ease.

Men want a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom.

That is the saying.

And, yeah, I think a lot also want a mother running everything else.

Thing is, most men don’t want a second mother.

Yeah they do.

Simple response “maybe if you were a better husband I would have the time, energy and desire to be a better wife”.

he sounds awful. Sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like it’s time to rethink the relationship, what you want to put into it and what you want to get out of it.

My ex was like that. He demanded sex, even though I was completely shattered with three under five. His demands killed our marriage.

Unappreciative fuckwit of the highest order.
You're running yourself ragged and instead of pitching in to help.
He's sulking because he's not shooting his load enough for his liking.
What a prick.

He could be the biggest idiot in the world or he could be fed up with right I have my children you are now surplus to requirements' so it would depends

I don't think humans' feelings are a tap where you turn off the bits you shouldn't feel

"I am glad you brought this up, because I have been thinking for a while that you are not a good husband. I work full time, I do everything with the kids and I run the house. What do you do?"

Yep. Just this. My first thought too.

Exactly. That shit was like something straight from a marital guide for women circa 1952.

This is some weird tradwife bullshit. It's 2024 FFS. You can't change entitled, verbally abusive men, and if you pander to their narcissism it only gets worse.
Absolutely terrible advice.

How would I feel? Like kicking him up the arse to be honest.

This.

What an entitled, nasty pig.
Fuck that "bad wife" noise. He's a terrible husband and father.

@Catdogmouse1 I think that if you wanted validation that what your husband says is unwarranted, you have it from so many of us. You clearly love him though so maybe worth getting a babysitter, going out and having a sit down chat and talk it all through. But leave it until after he has had sole care of the kids for a few days when he will may be have a better perspective.