Page 5 | Not a good wife

Catdogmouse1 · 2024-08-16T21:01:31+00:00

If your husband said the words you are a great mother, but not a good wife how would u feel? For context 2 kids under 5 husband works away 7am to 7pm.... gets to fit in gym time in the evening I do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, oh and work full time as well. He hardly lifts a finger round the house... but apparently i am not a good wife. Then he has the nerve 2 ask me what i do 4 him and that he doesnt care about washing or cooking... he can do that himself. Am i missing something?

teenmaw · 17/08/2024 07:40

Been there OP, my blood is boiling on your behalf. Definitely down tools on his domestic responsibilities and let him crack on. Also make sure you do something for yourself half the nights of the week. Knob that he is. I'm so glad I don't have a nasty ungrateful prick in my home any more.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/08/2024 07:38

pinkfleece · 17/08/2024 07:37

Make sure you go to the gym after work. Or just out for a coffee.

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And arrange a night out with your friends instead of dinner one evening.

pinkfleece · 17/08/2024 07:37

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:23

Im going to have 2 leave him a list for next week.when he has 2 watch the kids... my normal childminders r off so he has had 2 take holidays 2 look after them... im back to work next week after time off 2 watch the kids. Think he may be frazzled by the time i get home and i wont even b away as long a day as him

Make sure you go to the gym after work. Or just out for a coffee.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2024 07:36

So r leave him a list tell him to write his own one and you'll give feedback if needed

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2024 07:35

Catdogmouse1 · 16/08/2024 22:11

And there this morning i went and bought stuff to make a nice dinner we could have, and what did he decide 2 do...
Go drinking with his mates, then declare im a bad wife on his return 😳

What a bastard

GingerPirate · 17/08/2024 07:34

MonsteraMama · 16/08/2024 22:06

He means "you're not also willing to be my personal masturbation aid therefore in my tiny, useless, pea brained little mind you're useless".

If my husband said that to me it'd be the last day I ever do a single dusty fucking thing for him other than hand him divorce papers.

Very good.
Couldn't say that better.

EmoIsntDead · 17/08/2024 07:32

He sounds like a shit husband AND a shit father. If my husband told I was a bad wife I’m not sure I could forgive him.

FromWalesAndBackAgain · 17/08/2024 07:31

@QuotetheRaven yes lots of mumsnetters showing their true colours: supporting another mum to know her self worth and not let a man take advantage of her - great isn’t it?

CrotchetyQuaver · 17/08/2024 07:28

You're not a good wife because he's not a team player.... jeez what does he bring to the table?

Loopytiles · 17/08/2024 07:25

awful situation and opinion from him.

how often is he at the gym Mon to Fri? Why isn’t he doing a fair share of parenting (including weekdays and at night) and domestic work?

agree with an immediate stop to all cooking, laundry etc for him, as a start while you think about your options.

QuotetheRaven · 17/08/2024 07:21

Mums netters showing their true colours here. Loads of "he's a twat" "he's a fucker" and recommending divorce. Shame on you, and get a grip.

Edingril · 17/08/2024 07:19

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/08/2024 07:15

While I don't disagree that married parents should be spending time with their family, I really fail to understand how going to the swimming pool or running outside differs to the gym? For all of those activities, you're spending time alone away from the family?

**Nothing against spending time alone away from the family doing something for yourself. Self care is important, whatever that looks like for an individual.

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Both my husband and I spend time alone or away from the family yes I don't see the issue with that bit

TheAlchemy · 17/08/2024 07:15

I’d tell him he can watch how much of a terrible ex wife I’m about to be and pack his bags.

it sounds like you’re a single parent anyway so no great loss to you or your children but good luck to him without his maid, cook, cleaner and child care.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/08/2024 07:15

EI12 · 17/08/2024 06:38

The gym? A married man/woman with children and the gym? This sort of preening is OK for those on the prowl, but adult parents in the gym? What is wrong with jogging in all weathers, swimming pool or cycling or walking? I think it is so naff and off-putting. It is also incredibly selfish of him - he works away, why the gym when he should be spending time with the family? When has it become normal to behave like a lone person whist being a family man?

While I don't disagree that married parents should be spending time with their family, I really fail to understand how going to the swimming pool or running outside differs to the gym? For all of those activities, you're spending time alone away from the family?

**Nothing against spending time alone away from the family doing something for yourself. Self care is important, whatever that looks like for an individual.

bozzabollix · 17/08/2024 07:12

As for the ego stroking, no, don’t lower yourself, he’s an adult man not a child.

bozzabollix · 17/08/2024 07:11

I think it’s sad that the natural reaction for many women, OP included, is to hear something utterly outrageous and still internalise it. OP, you’re not a bad wife, you’re one he doesn’t value but you’re not bad. No dent required. What is required is external anger and plenty of it. That statement should’ve lit a fuse on a bloody big firework. He should be ducking for cover and absolutely bricking it right now after saying that.

I am furious on your behalf, can I come and point out what a useless, unthinking, selfish pile of shit he is please?

JLou08 · 17/08/2024 07:11

EI12 · 17/08/2024 06:38

The gym? A married man/woman with children and the gym? This sort of preening is OK for those on the prowl, but adult parents in the gym? What is wrong with jogging in all weathers, swimming pool or cycling or walking? I think it is so naff and off-putting. It is also incredibly selfish of him - he works away, why the gym when he should be spending time with the family? When has it become normal to behave like a lone person whist being a family man?

What have you got against the gym 🤣 I'm a married parent who goes to the gym. I'm certainly not on the prowl. The gym is the only thing I do for myself and it helps keep me sane.

EI12 · 17/08/2024 07:00

AhBiscuits · 17/08/2024 06:55

Men only care about their dick. You could stop all the domestic stuff and he wouldn't care if you dressed up in frilly undies and shagged him all the time.
Make sure he's pulling his weight and maybe you'll have more energy and inclination for sex.

Bravo. Sad, but true. Bravo.

AhBiscuits · 17/08/2024 06:55

Men only care about their dick. You could stop all the domestic stuff and he wouldn't care if you dressed up in frilly undies and shagged him all the time.
Make sure he's pulling his weight and maybe you'll have more energy and inclination for sex.

ItsAlrightDarling · 17/08/2024 06:50

EI12 · 17/08/2024 06:38

The gym? A married man/woman with children and the gym? This sort of preening is OK for those on the prowl, but adult parents in the gym? What is wrong with jogging in all weathers, swimming pool or cycling or walking? I think it is so naff and off-putting. It is also incredibly selfish of him - he works away, why the gym when he should be spending time with the family? When has it become normal to behave like a lone person whist being a family man?

Eh? I’m a 40 year old mother of 3, one disabled, and I go to the gym. No preening involved, I just really enjoy strength training and it’s good for my physical and mental health.

Thevelvelletes · 17/08/2024 06:49

I know it's easier said than done but if your head is throbbing with the stress of it all perhaps try and do something for you to take your mind off it.
And go to back and re evaluate when you're ready.good luck op

Original poster

Catdogmouse1 · 17/08/2024 06:43

Thank you all for your replies
I'm lying in bed here after having dumped the children on him... he can sort them this morning
My head is totally throbbing... im not great with dealing with this kinda thing... think i need to do a lot of thinking over the next few days and reevaluate everything... totally depressing that somebody i love sees so little value in all i do for our family

OP posts:

EI12 · 17/08/2024 06:38

The gym? A married man/woman with children and the gym? This sort of preening is OK for those on the prowl, but adult parents in the gym? What is wrong with jogging in all weathers, swimming pool or cycling or walking? I think it is so naff and off-putting. It is also incredibly selfish of him - he works away, why the gym when he should be spending time with the family? When has it become normal to behave like a lone person whist being a family man?

Thevelvelletes · 17/08/2024 06:37

Or human being.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 06:36

My response would have been "that's interesting, you are a good provider but not a good husband or father "