Not a good wife

This. Except I'd replace 'any' with ALL

You would not be unreasonable to divorce him, but if you do want to try and make it work, I would sit down and explain to him the fucking obvious that if he helps more with housework and childcare (including the night wakings), and/or you chip in jointly for a cleaner, then you are likely to have more time and energy for sex and intimacy.

This

So he is going to spend 2 days taking care of the children. Is he going to do any of the life administration you do as well?

Sounds like a dick and you don't need him in your life. Being a single parent is daunting but imagine the time you'd have to yourself if you didn't have to do everything for him. Also imagine him having the kids overnight and weekends, your life could be so much more fulfilled

Stop enabling him to walk all over you. If he's calling you a shit wife, then act like one and do nothing for him.

Don't carry on doing anything for him, because if you do then you'll remain his door mat.

Kick that bastard to the gutters where he belongs.

Yeah basically what he means is, you're not having enough sex.
Tell him that after engaging the services of a housekeeper, nanny and handyman/gardener you'll be an amazing wife. Then tell him to fuck off.

ask him what he meant by it? I find that my husband just never thinks about how what he says comes across and I often interpret the words he says as not how he meant them. Does that make sense?! I’ve learnt to call him out on things that sound off at the time so I don’t spend ages stewing over it when it’s not what he meant.
Ask him!

Probably definately means sex... My husband and I have had a similar conversation. Absoloute joke and I find it more laughable than upsetting...

He sounds like a shit husband

Blimey! Awful!

Some men really do need to haul themselves into the 21st century. The sense of entitlement is staggering.

I know a couple of men who did v little and then, tragically, their wives died. Then, they had to do absolutely everything. Not shared. No respite, not even when they’re ill. No one to ever see to their needs. And you know what, they managed. So many men act like they’re incapable, wouldn’t know what to do or don’t even notice. But they do when they have no choice. So that means they can do an equal share any time.

He sounds a big an arsehole as my husband. I do everything also but I’m a crap wife apparently because I don’t have time between my full time job, children with additional needs and paying for everything to look after him too and treat him like royalty.

He wants to hurt you.

He's both a shitty husband and a shitty dad (and, I imagine, a shitty person).

I think my vagina would seal itself shut forever in the face of such a selfish arsehole.

Sounds like he is 'away' a lot. Could he have a bit on the side elsewhere? Not trying to put thoughts in your mind but he sounds like the type to make sure he's getting what he wants and then blame you for making him do it (because Ur not meeting his sexual needs). He sounds absolutely horrific btw.
Definitely have an exit plan.

Stop doing his washing and cleaning. Stop doing any admin that involves him.

Tell him,from now on:
he'll be doing 2 morning out of 5 work days with the children
Night wakes will be taking turns
3 children's bed times per week will be his
Weekends you each get a lie in

And if being a good wife means more sex, explain that it's on him. Tell him you also want more of it but if he doesn't do his share, it's not fair or feasible to expect it. If he wants sex, he needs to make sure you're not exhausted all the time and show some love and affection.

And if he didn't do all of those things I'd refuse to ever have sex with him again. I just don't get how (far too many) men equate good wife to taking care of their sexual needs, and not all the other shit most of us do day in day out.

He means you don't give him enough sex

God help you OP.
Thats some piece of selfish shit you married.
He needs to spend solid time with his children.
Can you leave them with him.
Work and gym? He's a fxxking disgrace.

Tell family and friends the truth, you are likely to get sick with the pressure you are under.

What a total loser he is.
God help you.

Oh and it really isn't a normal thing to say.

Only scum behave like your husband, real scum.
Tell your family the truth.

Sounds like a narcissist - look it up!

We are in the season of young kids and I do not relate to this at all. My husband would never say this to me, he never makes me feel less than an equal and we completely support each other. He is not a weekend parent. Not saying this to rub it in but i think you both desperately need a break to talk through what sounds like multiple issues. I hope his phase of being a prick will pass soon. And it never hurts to have a think about an exit strategy. No one needs to know. It can sometimes be comforting to have it there so you never feel trapped. X

Yes, you're missing something. You're missing asking him what he meant. How on earth would WE know?

This could be anything from a mis-fired joke to the opening shot in a divorce. Don't ask us, ask HIM!

TBH I think a lot of women aspire to be mothers, I don’t think a lot of men aspire to be fathers and that is where a disconnect happens. Men approach it hoping children will change nothing, when, in reality, they change everything. Some men step up and find fatherhood wonderful and anre really invested, others go the other way and then there are those in the middle and there is totally no way to know how it will be until you are knee deep in it. I also doesn’t help if you have the unexpected sh*t sleeper or one then never settles or one that is more high maintenance in some way as a child.

I feel for you OP, what he has said in unjust, unfair and blind. You deserve better. I think you both need to sit down, with the condition you won’t be derogatory towards one another, and hash this out being really honest about where you stand and the struggles and expectations you both have and how you can find a way forward.

i also agree that some time for him to take the reigns might well give him a different perspective!!!!

I’m going to take a punt this is a lack of sex.

Perhaps you’d feel more willing if he did anything to assist you.

Your DH sounds like a complete arse!

I think he’s referring to sex. He’s really going about it the wrong way. Does he not realise that if he offered to help and showed u some kindness that you might feel more inclined? Sorry but I don’t like the sound of him.

This with bells on.

oh and LTB. You’re doing all the housework and childcare alongside your own FT job what exactly is he even for?!