Page 2 | To be pissed off DP is out drinking with his friends?

rivertine · 2024-08-16T20:33:28+00:00

He lives in the same town as me and finishes work in the evenings during the week. We don't live together. My young DS is on holiday with his grandparents so it means I have more free rime to see him. He has stayed over twice this week and is tonight too. He went out with work for someone's birthday at 5pm. I said I would pick him up. He has now gone to meet up with his friends at a pub nearby (this was not planned). He will be spending tomorrow evening and all of Sunday with his friends too. Am I expecting too much? I feel like telling him to make his own way home.

ilovelamp82 · 16/08/2024 22:48

This is much later than we originally planned. I'm glad you're having a good night, but I'm off to bed. Probably makes more sense to stay at yours tonight. I'll give you a call tomorrow. Night x

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2024 22:45

rivertine · 16/08/2024 22:10

I'm going to give it until 11 I think.

If I've not heard from him by then, I'll text and say he can make his own way back.

I want to tell him to just go home, but he's left all of his things here.

I can’t be all his things, surely? Just an overnight bag. Which he can collect another day.

Unless he has some sort of medication left at your house that it’s dangerous to go without (unlikely if he can drink a skin full) tell him in no uncertain terms that you’re off to bed and he’s to go to his own house, and don’t answer your phone or the door.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2024 22:42

“OK - it doesn’t work for me to pick you up later, so I’ll see you another time. Have a nice time and I’ll see you another weekend.”

Anitapu · 16/08/2024 22:40

louderthan · 16/08/2024 22:31

I find it hilarious that people say that an adult not being able to drive is 'a red flag' or 'an ick' but when adults who can drive seem to lose all sense of independence without their car and expect to be picked up, that's fine??? The double standards are wild.
Sorry I have had 🍷. Op why would you even consider picking him up?? He can get in a taxi.

Is it really an ick? I dont drive. I think society is safer that way😂

why would it be a red flag though??

ZenNudist · 16/08/2024 22:38

Tell me he's getting a cab! To his own house!

Send this:
I'm off to bed now. Night! Probs best you collect your stuff tomorrow. You may as well head back to yours after your night out. Xx

I'd reevaluate this "relationship". There's not much in it for you.

louderthan · 16/08/2024 22:31

I find it hilarious that people say that an adult not being able to drive is 'a red flag' or 'an ick' but when adults who can drive seem to lose all sense of independence without their car and expect to be picked up, that's fine??? The double standards are wild.
Sorry I have had 🍷. Op why would you even consider picking him up?? He can get in a taxi.

MounjaroUser · 16/08/2024 22:29

Oh please don't go and pick him up. You're not a taxi service and he'll be pissed as anything, so no fun for you. He doesn't put you first in any way, does he? If he had a brain cell he'd know how much you'd want some company on a child-free night.

Don't even think of picking him up. Put yourself first and establish boundaries.

He doesn't sound a good fit for you long-term, but never mind that tonight. Just switch your phone off, lock up and go to bed.

louderthan · 16/08/2024 22:28

Urgh. I can't drive and don't have kids, I am basically a 43 year old teenager but there is no way I'd expect another adult to pick me up after a night out!! How pathetic. Get in a cab/night bus/stagger drunkenly but see yourself home!

thaisweetchill · 16/08/2024 22:25

Completely get where you're coming from but did you ask him to do something just you two this weekend? Seems like lack of communication.

BirthdayRainbow · 16/08/2024 22:25

Well he hasn't left all his things there has he as he lives somewhere else, don't be daft. Stop thinking about and considering him more than he does you.

Dweetfidilove · 16/08/2024 22:24

5128gap · 16/08/2024 21:48

I'm sorry OP, but this guy is only giving you the times he has nothing better. A couple of the quieter nights of the week when he gets his tea and sex, but come the good nights he's out with his mates with you playing taxi and providing a warm bed at the end of the night. He's got a very good deal here. You, not so much.

This is it.

I'm guessing your children's holiday wasn't impromptu either, so he knew you'd be freer than usual?

mummytrex · 16/08/2024 22:16

I'd text to aay you're going to sleep then put your phone on silent. He can collect his things tomorrow. I honestly wouldn't bother picking him up, or letting him in if he turns up.

Original poster

rivertine · 16/08/2024 22:10

I'm going to give it until 11 I think.

If I've not heard from him by then, I'll text and say he can make his own way back.

I want to tell him to just go home, but he's left all of his things here.

OP posts:

Maria1979 · 16/08/2024 22:05

rivertine · 16/08/2024 21:47

He's not a massive drinker, but does spend Saturday and Sunday with his friends. He was out drinking last Saturday.

Two weeks in a row in the pub isn't usual for him

Show quote history

So your "DP" spends all his week-ends with his friends ? Then he's not your DP and he is not in love. I'm sorry but you deserve someone for whom you are a priority. Seeing friends now and again ok, but every bloody week-end no.

cordelia16 · 16/08/2024 22:03

DamnUserName21 · 16/08/2024 21:41

You'd be a mug to pick him up. You are clearly not a priority for him.

Make arrangements with friends for the rest of the weekend or entertain yourself solo but don't settle for some guy who prioritises getting pissed with his friends rather than quality time with you.

Raise your bar!

absolutely agree

Anitapu · 16/08/2024 22:03

I dated a guy like this for 5years! Wasnt interested in my child at all, and whenever we had free time between us hed choose to go out drinking with mates. Never invited me as a couple. It was a very strange relationship.

I came to realise we barely knew each other and it was just convienience.

Aiiiighhhhht · 16/08/2024 22:01

Oh god no. A sweaty, beery, farty, possibly even pukey man in my car and actual bed?! Plus, it’s jimjam o’clock surely if you’re having a quiet night home alone.

I would be disappointed honestly that he’s spending a lot of time with his mates when your kid is away, I do get that.

Original poster

rivertine · 16/08/2024 22:00

Thank you all

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DamnUserName21 · 16/08/2024 21:52

5128gap · 16/08/2024 21:48

I'm sorry OP, but this guy is only giving you the times he has nothing better. A couple of the quieter nights of the week when he gets his tea and sex, but come the good nights he's out with his mates with you playing taxi and providing a warm bed at the end of the night. He's got a very good deal here. You, not so much.

^ This!

5128gap · 16/08/2024 21:48

I'm sorry OP, but this guy is only giving you the times he has nothing better. A couple of the quieter nights of the week when he gets his tea and sex, but come the good nights he's out with his mates with you playing taxi and providing a warm bed at the end of the night. He's got a very good deal here. You, not so much.

Original poster

rivertine · 16/08/2024 21:47

LizzieBennett73 · 16/08/2024 21:46

Depends on how much of his weekend involves being in the pub/drinking.

That would be a huge put off, to be honest.

He's not a massive drinker, but does spend Saturday and Sunday with his friends. He was out drinking last Saturday.

Two weeks in a row in the pub isn't usual for him

OP posts:

CorvusPurpureus · 16/08/2024 21:47

'hey no worries, you have fun! I'm off to bed. Give me a call tomorrow or whenever you surface'.

Then off to bed you go. Lock up.

Have a think tomorrow whether you're interested in a relationship where he's having a night out that you can't join, but then you're his taxi & bed for the night.

LizzieBennett73 · 16/08/2024 21:46

Depends on how much of his weekend involves being in the pub/drinking.

That would be a huge put off, to be honest.

mushpush · 16/08/2024 21:46

@rivertine

If it's a pattern of prioritising drinking and friends over you, then it's definitely an issue. If it's a one off of staying out a bit later than you expected him to then I wouldn't be too bothered (personally).

Normally if my OH stays out later than expected I just let him know I'm a bit too tired to offer a lift and he can sort a taxi, then just spend my evening doing whatever. As long as it doesn't ruin the following days plans with a huge hangover!

Original poster

rivertine · 16/08/2024 21:44

mushpush · 16/08/2024 21:42

It's nice you've got more free time as your son is on holiday and it sounds like your DP has already stayed over twice already?

Unless he's a raging party monster, I don't think bumping into friends on a night out and staying for a few more drinks is some sort of dealbreaker? Especially before 10pm! I kind of feel like I wouldn't be massively changing my weekend social plans based on a partner being childfree that weekend.

Could he just get a taxi back if you don't fancy doing a late night pick up? You've still got all of tomorrow together?

Thank you, this is what I was thinking was probably the case. I don't want to overreact

OP posts: