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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU re DH

105 replies

Highnone · 16/08/2024 18:05

having had a really difficult few weeks at work DH and I had a heart to heart and he agreed that he needed to pull his weight a bit more.
was promised a lovely evening tonight, my favourite drink ready and a nice dinner.
he has form for not listening to what I actually want and getting food etc that I don’t really like.
I explained clearly what I wanted (vodka, soda and lime)
home after work, he has bought lime and mint cordial and tonic water. I pointed out that this wasn’t what I wanted.
Big sigh, him pissed off and says I’m ungrateful. Big argument followed with me saying I’m sick of not being listened too
He has decided to go out and watch the kids play sport and left me to it. (This wasn’t the plan)
Amongst my sheer frustration I told him if he goes out I won’t be here when he gets back, said I was sick of it all.
I want to follow through on this but am
mindful I am ranging and full of emotion at the moment.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 16/08/2024 19:33

Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:30

My daughter is 13

I think I’d go home. I know you’re frustrated and angry but I wouldn’t want my 13 yo to be worrying about me. Go home and give your baby a hug.

Claireabella111 · 16/08/2024 19:32

Go have the vodka you want, leave the car, have some space, calm down …and head home.

Then have a discussion about how unappreciated you feel xx

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2024 19:31

I would love to ask your husband is it really so fucking hard to do what you've asked? You aren't asking for much, for fuck's sake. We all want to feel listened to and valued in our relationships. I think he just really doesn't give a fuck.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/08/2024 19:31

YABU purely for making that ultimatum. If you’re right and there is so huge back story then the “if you leave I won’t be here when you return” is way over the top and unhealthy for any relationship. Made even worse by the fact you’re now going to go back anyway, so not only was it wrong to threaten it but it’s now pointless and makes you look silly.

I appreciate it’s a tough time but if he’s gone and brought home the things for a nice drink, albeit not exactly what you asked for if he’s gotten mixed up, it’s way dramatic to threaten to leave over it- that is unreasonable.

I’ve definitely done this before and so has my husband to me, tried to get it right and accidentally got it wrong, I couldn’t imagine this being “flounce out” worthy unless there’s a huge backstory which you say there isn’t. What would be relationship ending for me though is the “if you’re going I won’t be here when you get back”, if my husband said that to me I’d pack his bags for him and change the lock behind him.

GivingitToGod · 16/08/2024 19:30

Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:22

I need to follow through with this don’t I?

I personally think that to say you won't be at home when he gets back because he chose the wrong drinks is OTT. He did make an effort and has said sorry.
Perhaps if your week at work hadn't been so stressful, you might have reacted differently? You have had a heart to heart and he agreed he has to pull his weight more. I would say, give him a chance.
PS, I do appreciate your frustrations

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:30

My daughter is 13

OP posts:
SilverBirch4 · 16/08/2024 19:28

NevergonnagiveHughup · 16/08/2024 19:26

Don’t be egged on by random keyboard warriors who don’t live your life. You are not our Friday night entertainment.

Stop, think and then decide what’s right for you in real life.

This!

I’d take an hour to calm down and then decide - almost certainly going home. Staying away is unlikely to help anything.

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/08/2024 19:28

Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:26

I’d love to stay away. But a) my daughter will be upset and b) can’t really afford it

How old is your daughter?

NevergonnagiveHughup · 16/08/2024 19:26

Don’t be egged on by random keyboard warriors who don’t live your life. You are not our Friday night entertainment.

Stop, think and then decide what’s right for you in real life.

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:26

I’d love to stay away. But a) my daughter will be upset and b) can’t really afford it

OP posts:
Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:22

I need to follow through with this don’t I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:22

He has messaged me as home asking where I am. Says he is sorry

OP posts:
bitesthedust · 16/08/2024 19:14

Almost as if he does it on purpose

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 19:12

Yes that’s exactly it. I just wanted to feel like he noticed and cared.

OP posts:
sillylittlethings · 16/08/2024 19:03

Im sorry, that's shit. You just wanted to feel like he cares.

Mum2jenny · 16/08/2024 18:43

Local inn with accommodation?

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 18:41

I’ve left the house, packed a bag. Not sure where I am going.

OP posts:
Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 18:41

When I say that I would make everything perfect, I mean I would make sure I listened to what he asked for and did it.

OP posts:
BeachRide · 16/08/2024 18:28

MounjaroUser · 16/08/2024 18:20

Why would you say that? She's just said: he has form for not listening to what I actually want and getting food etc that I don’t really like

Show quote history

OP said 'if this was reversed I would make sure everything was perfect'.

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 18:21

No, he had everything that he needed.
Im not a perfectionist at all. But he clearly doesn’t bother with attention to detail when it comes to me

OP posts:
MounjaroUser · 16/08/2024 18:20

BeachRide · 16/08/2024 18:19

Could it just be that you're a perfectionist and he isn't?

Why would you say that? She's just said: he has form for not listening to what I actually want and getting food etc that I don’t really like

BeachRide · 16/08/2024 18:19

Could it just be that you're a perfectionist and he isn't?

MounjaroUser · 16/08/2024 18:17

So did he get himself things he liked?

Original poster
Highnone · 16/08/2024 18:14

There isn’t a huge back story, it’s more just that I feel that DH doesn’t really make the effort. If this was reversed I would make sure everything was perfect. This just all feels so half hearted.
I am feeling very burnout at work and this week got to a point where I said I can’t do it anymore. I am by far the main breadwinner and have a far more stressful job.
as part of the conversation DH agreed that he would be a bit more caring, ie for me to come home tonight with some nice food and drink. A good example of what would go a long way to making me feel valued.
he has made me feel like I am totally unreasonable

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 16/08/2024 18:13

Book yourself into the nearest Premier Inn for the night.

Order a vodka, lime and soda and whatever you want for dinner. Have a good sleep. He's got the kids and he failed to uphold his end of the bargain.