AIBU re DH

I’m glad you found it helpful. Perhaps it would make a useful starting point for the discussion you need to have with him? If he reads it and doesn’t get it - or tries to avoid reading it - then you have your answer I’m afraid.

Disagree, he made a mistake with the drinks!

Awww I'm sorry OP, I get you and it's absolutely rubbish to feel like you're not important enough to be listened to, when he's quite capable of organising things when they matter to him. Makes you feel so small and insignificant doesn't it?

If I were you I'd go to the pub, even just a Spoons if you're a bit cash strapped. Have your voddy, relax a bit, have yourself a burger or something, then go home when you're good and ready.

Yes it's symptomatic of exactly that article.

It's a clear sign of lack of respect and care.

No that's a massive must do better.

It's so disrespectful when you've been clear what you want to ignore it.

I can guarantee there are no ingredients at home for a ‘nice dinner’ even if he hadn’t have stomped off.

Posting this because nobody else has yet. Sometimes it’s the small things which are really destructive to a relationship, OP.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

In your shoes I would stay in a hotel or somewhere overnight, message your daughter so she knows you’re coming back the next day. Have a glass of wine or a vodka lime and soda or whatever you fancy, and a nice meal (or picnic stuff in your room if you have a supermarket nearby) and just generally enjoy your evening. Watch some shite on TV or download a book. All that self care stuff.

Then go home tomorrow and have a calm but firm conversation with your husband about what respect and mutual care looks like to you.

I take it the nice dinner didn’t materialise either?

It’s all just half arsed effort isn’t it, just enough to be able to say “I tried” but really he doesn’t give a fuck.

Tonic water and cordial is a really, really cheap alcohol free approximation of vodka, soda and lime. As though he decided it wasn't worth spending the money on what was actually wanted.

I can see why you're so angry - it's not as though he'd thought 'something, something fizzy - lime', he deliberately decided what would do (and was cheaper).

Can you afford a nice bar for your vodka, lime and soda drink, and a nice dinner somewhere by yourself?

Do it. Then come back after a leisurely evening.

Incidentally, did he prepare the meal? Or at least get the ingredients in? Would you give him the chance to try again tomorrow night?

I get it OP. It's like you can only eat dark chocolate so he buys you white chocolate and when you refuse it (because you can't eat it) he gets angry and says "but I bought you chocolate, I thought all women appreciate their men buying them chocolates, except you of course".

You end up confused and thinking you have over reacted but actually he KNEW you only ate dark so why did he buy white?? I highly recommend you download a free pdf file by Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that? It's eye opening and thought provoking.

Well you said that you wouldn't be there when he got back & you weren't!

Had he cooked a nice meal?

I'm quite clueless about drinks so might have got the wrong stuff rather than get nothing iyswim.

I mean I could see me getting a lime for example.

But if you generally have it in he should have known what to get.

Do this x

This! Others are looking at this as a one off situation and down to the stress at work, rather than seeing this as a chronic stressor that has worn you down

Please call a mate and go for a drink if nothing else.
Tell your daughter you made last minute plans and you'll see her in the morning.

This drives me mad as my DP does this too and then gets angry and tells me to be grateful he went to the shop. I think you need to decide how important this is to you. For me personally it isn't worth blowing up over but it does show a lack of regard for things I want. If there was other selfish or weaponised incompetence it might be different.

Just read my own post back and I want to clarify, men can absolutely think about these things. They choose to hide behind stereotypes and it’s long got boring as an excuse.

I get you op. It’s a death by a thousand cuts situation. So many of these happen in my relationship and I just felt unseen and unappreciated. Didn’t matter what I spelled out, it was always just not quite that. And of course, I was ungrateful for his half done efforts, because any effort at all should be lauded (because men just don’t think about these things do they 🙄).

Take a deep breath, it may have been an overreaction of an ultimatum but it was done from pure frustration of ‘just listen to me for once, properly and truly’. Hopefully this is a wake up call for him and he’ll actually listen in future.

Go and get what you actually wanted and go home x

Go to the pub. Have a few drinks and a burger/whatever you fancy, text your daughter, and go home when you feel ready 🪻