To refuse to see a health visitor?

That’s utterly hellish, I’m sorry you went through PND and had that from your HV

Also to add, I have friends who were terribly misinformed my their HVs.

I also had a HV tell me to move our baby's crib out of our room as it's better for babies to sleep in their own room. The baby was a few months old and slept well which I pointed out but the HV just wasn't having any of it.

I've not found them useful at all. Once I found out you can opt out, I did it.

DD had a health visitor home yesterday to check on 6 week old bottle fed DGS. She has recommended a GP visit because he is pooing up to 6 times a day which could indicate lactose intolerance (even though he has no other symptoms) takes his bottles happily and is a bit windy. Apparently bottle fed babies only poo twice a day at most.
AFAIK health visitor is talking through her hat and worrying DD unnecessarily but what do I know? I just keep shtum.

They don't snoop. They might try to if they have concerns. Also, I really believe that failure to engage with HCP's with children - especially with a newborn - is a red flag and means you will be under more scrutiny for not engaging.

You can't stop the midwife coming, BTW. And why tf would you want to??

You don't have to see them if you don't want to, just decline politely and say you're fine thank you, have your hands full and don't feel you need it.

I have to defend health visitors though - mine saved my life. She was absolutely wonderful through my horrendous time after my first baby and then the second baby she was instrumental in helping to get him diagnosed with reflux. Her colleague also spent time with me helping me with PND and some of the things she said have stuck with me to this day and my boys are 9 and 7 now. Original HV is now a facebook friend of mine and donated lots of uniform for when my boys started school. She was so wonderful and I don't know what I'd have done without her so there are some very good ones out there :)

@CurlyhairedAssasin I quite agree. Fir the first appontment I got a letter at 8.50am saying she would arrive at 9am. I decided there wasn't time to get dressed and she turned up at 9.20 and didn't apologise for her lateness. It irritated. Had the letter said 9.15 I'd have been able to get dressed. Lateness for a 9am appointment could hardly be blamed on an over running clinic either. It was sloppy and disrespectful.

She was also insistent I went yo the baby clinic but couldn't offer an appointment. I am very organised and managed my time even with babies. I couldn't have stuck hanging about waiting in a grotty clinic.

What do you mean by snooping? I can't imagine she was going through your underwear drawer.

Mine saved what tiny shred of sanity I had left after my 2nd due to PND

That's great. When mine came round and I broke down and told her that I was suicidal she said to give her a call in a few days "once the phase has passed". I refused to have anything to do with them after that (once I had recovered enough to care).

I remember feeling really on edge when I was due a HV (or midwife) visit as they never gave a proper time and just said oh, it will be sometime after 11. I hated that as it meant I couldn't do anything after 11 in case there was a knock on the door from her. Especially annoying if i wanted a poo, which took ages with DS1 as I'd had a bad birth and I had to go really gently and slowly. She had a habit of coming as soon as I tried to go to the toilet, or had just got the baby settled or was having a nap, or a shower. Pain in the absolute arse, honestly, I'd much rather have an appointment out of the house somewhere, which I can work my routine around.

Then because I was always on edge when she arrived, or flustered, or half asleep,or in my dressing gown because I showered late and she decided to come early, I'm sure she thought I wasn't coping or was developing PND or something. When it was just her visits which made me anxious!!

Mine did too. My PND was missed (because I hid it) with DS1, but she picked it up with DS2 and came to visit a few times just to chat and support which was good.

Then she told me to feed my baby purées when he refused them and much preferred some of what we were eating (what was I supposed to do? Hold his nose?).

So useful in some ways, not in others!!

Snooping is a bit of a strong word to use.

I said no thank you politely twice and even to the head of HVs. They got another HV to phone me up despite my wishes. Only when I complained formally were my rights explained and acknowledged. My complaint in relation to rudeness and capability was upheld.

That’s really concerning. Those kind of gossipy untrue statements get repeated and recorded then at some point turn into ‘facts’ so I would recommend you do a subject access request to the HV service and if this is recorded on your notes go to the ICO to have it amended

Am I the only person who actually likes their HV?! She's been lovely the entire time. Never looked around the house and loved our dog. She's been very helpful as well with regards to getting me GP appointments when I couldn't get through to the surgery myself.

@LovedFedAndNoonesDead you have hit the nail on the head. A significant issue is the lack of transparency about whether the service is mandatory or not. It is not but that information is never ventured.

Yes it is voluntary, just politely say you have no need of a visit.

Yes you can opt out of having HV appointments as it’s a voluntary service not a mandatory part of raising your children!

We did with our premature twins purely because they were incredibly annoying, wouldn’t follow guidelines about going by EDD not acutal
birth date for development checks so were telling me that twins were “delayed” at their 6 weeks check up even though they would only have been 5 days old at the time if born when due. Then we would get different HVs calling to book appointments claiming the one we were allocated wasn’t available for a pre-booked appointment but they wouldn’t give a time for the appointment telling me I should stay home to wait for their visits!! One even tried telling me that if I declined their visits, they would report me for “refusing medical care” - but couldn’t tell me who they would report me to or what medical care I was allegedly refusing!! After that claim I called up their team manager and told them we no longer wanted their input and to stop contacting us.

Totally your right to refuse one

I think I'm one of the few that had a good experience. Mine spotted DD's tongue tie, this was after seeing feeding specialists. Told us she wasn't qualified to diagnose them but she could see it was obvious so referred us. When DS was born two years later she'd moved roles and was no longer our HV. However came along with the new one to see the eldest and meet DS. Six months later I was diagnosed with cancer. She had seen my name pop up as a concern from the community nursing team (standard apparently as X2 under 5's in the house). She rang me out of the blue to see how I was doing and asked if she could signpost me to any support or do a visit if I needed. Again she wasn't my HV at this time. Top top woman!

Mine saved what tiny shred of sanity I had left after my 2nd due to PND

In some areas due to lack of capacity, the primary contact by midwife after discharge is in a clinic I believe.

I didn't even have the checks at 8 months and two years. I don't think mine had the competence to spot if anything was wrong. If I had any concerns I consulted a specialist:

Intractable wheezing after bronchiolitis (consultant at Royal Brompton who got us on the right track after months of getting nowhere at our local hospital)

Umbilical hernia - got advice and it sorted itself.

Repeated ear infections: ENT specialists and grommets which would not have been provided on the NHS andntheblocal HVs were telling other mothers locally that children with glue ear caught up at about 7 if they were average. My DC weren't going to continue to suffer and were grommets at 16 and 20 months after 11 and 8 ear infections respectively. The grommets transformed their lives in the context of pain and being repeatedly unwell. The NHS wouldn't have done them because their speech was wellndeveloped.

This. When I had DD2 I only saw the midwife once in the 10 days after birth. I had things to do and DD1 to take to nursery etc.And she kept calling round while I was out. Didn't see the heath visitor at all for her.( I moved house and went to a different health authority so seemed to slip under the net) When I had DS saw the health visitor at 11 days and again for a 2 year check

I didn’t do anything HV related when I had my first. Had the first visit actually, and she was lovely, but CBA with the rest of it from then on - too much hassle to be available when you’ve got 2 other kids at school, clubs etc. and you want to be out and about with your baby. I just had her 2 year check, sent off the form which is optional anyway but they’ll ring you if you don’t, and declined the follow up appt. No biggie.

Mine was no help at all. She came at her convenience and it appeared to be a paperwork process where she ticked her boxes without listening. She was unable to provide any advice other than that printed and already available in the blue book or the leaflets. She trotted out the bf and only bf mantra and when I asked questions said she wasn't an expert and to ring the not. FWIW I had mastitis which became infective mastitis and then a breast abscess.

She neither interested nor capable in the baby or me.

For me their involvement was a waste of my time, was in many ways positively harmful vis a vis feeding advice and pushing me into PND. She also instructed me to attend the baby clinic and did not share that that or her involvement was not mandatory. For the state I felt they were a total waste of resources.

I opted out of their services when my baby was seven weeks old and for future babies. If I needed advice I sought it from a suitably qualified doctor. However, we had a lovely home, were married and had middle class incomes and professional jobs. I'm not sure I'd have had the confidence if any aspect of our lives might have conveyed any sort of vulnerability.