To refuse to see a health visitor?

Yanbu I refused was really pointless for 2 and 3 after number 1 HV was so incredibly shit!

@Bey

The HV I saw asked how I’d cope with my child’s Sickle Cell (which he doesn’t have - she clearly didn’t understand non-standard Hb types) and told me to tidy up.

I’d just been discharged after a hypertensive episode saw me readmitted 5 days post partum and also had a c section.

I told her to leave. She was an idiot.

Another one just just saying about how big my son was - well duh - he was 11lb - of course he’s big. So what?

I’m so sorry to hear some of these experiences. I clearly got lucky as my HV was lovely, but it’s no wonder some of you don’t want to engage with them when you’ve had such a shit time with them in the past.

I am literally speechless!

They're not snooping in your bedroom, they literally will not care what your bedroom looks like, they want to see where the baby will sleep, because there has been a number of cot deaths which could have been prevented with the correct safe sleep advice.

Theyre dammed if they do and dammed if they don't, in the serious case reviews it was stated that they should have checked the baby had a safe space to sleep and parents understood risks.

That said you can of course refuse them.

Yup - they’re some of the most useless people I’ve ever met.

I totally get you - I had DC3 recently, and just didn't see the point of the health visitor. However, I agreed to her coming round and she was lovely. If nothing else she gave me an ear to vent to about the post-birth midwives (who were driving me mad!).

On that note (and because it still annoys me!), the thing I really hated post-birth was the midwife appointments. I had an emergency C-section, and they wanted me to go to an appointment 15 minutes drive away the day after I was discharged from hospital. At that appointment, they just asked me all the same questions I had previously answered while in hospital. They were then concerned about my baby gaining weight, so they made me attend appointments pretty much every day or two for the next week or so. I have two other DCs, both breastfed, and they both lost weight in the first 10 days, then gained it back rapidly after. Nothing was wrong, I knew what I was doing, but they didn't seem to trust that. I felt judged and very irritated by the whole thing. I kept saying to my husband that I would just not go, but he persuaded me to play along. The biggest effect was on my mental health - it made me anxious that I was being forced to constantly go places while I was still recovering, and being judged on my parenting. I got over it because I knew I was ok, and my baby was ok, but if I was a first time mother I think it would have made me sick with anxiety (as indeed it did the first time). Grr.

DC3 is now extremely fat and happy! No thanks to the midwives' interventions...

@RosesAndHellebores that sounds a dreadful experience and I’m so sorry you had such a difficult time. Genuine compassionate and skilled care might have helped you avoid all that. Your HV sounds awful and totally uncaring, I totally understand why you choose not to see another one!

Interesting. DS had a problem with one of his ear drums aged about 8. The consultant put it right by inserting a new grommet. The drum wasn't healing straight after a couple of burst drums. DS had something called chleastosis (sp) which results in bone being deposited with every infection. The drum being straightened resolved it but generations ago it resulted in permanent deafness. His great grandfather had it. His first grommets worked their way out when he was about 4. Saw them when he was in the bath so they lasted much longer than 6 months.

So sorry that you had to go private to get your children appropriate medical care, that's awful. My son got his first set of grommets at 21 months on the nhs, although we had to wait 9 months on the waiting list after the consultant decided he needed them. Which is a bit rubbish when the grommets only last 6 months. The grommets made a huge difference but now he has problems with his eardrums which the consultant said is because he had grommets so now I wonder if we made the right decision.

With my first dc the HV was actively harmful, stalked into the house stinking of cigarettes and I was sitting on the kitchen sofa feeding dd1. She said "you'll never feed a big baby like that on your own, better get her onto a bottle as soon as possible" (dd1 was almost 10lb).

I know she knew that my dh was a GP and was determined that she would know better than us. She was horrible and I refused to see her again.

And I bf dd1 until she was 1.

I agree @lifelover16 but the hv I had didn't have the experience or skills to identify PND. The day she arrived I had been diagnosed with mastitis the night before by an emergency GP because the midwives ignored the symptoms. There was no concern shown. She went through the Edinburgh scale with me but as a box ticking exercise. There was no empathy. No how are you feeling, how are you coping with feeding, no what a lovely little baby, etc, no acknowledgement t that it had been a very difficult and frightening 24 hours and that the emergency locum could and should have been avoided. She didn't care beyond her forms.

As a new mum with my first I accepted the help.

When my second came along and I saw the HV having a cigarette outside my house just before knocking on my door I refused entry and sent her away. She never returned and I never heard anything from anyone about not seeing her.

Both mine were awful. Wish I'd refused all those years ago.

Presumably you've also been taught about equality and diversity. Diversity means all new mothers are different and that needs to be acknowledged exchanges need to be adjusted. I didn't need to be spoken to as though I was as thick as two planks and on the basis that a low common denominator fits all. I expected to be spoken to as a sentient human being with feelings.

@RosesAndHellebores even people with “ lovely homes, middle class incomes and professional qualifications” sometimes need help in the neonatal period and beyond. “suitably qualified “ doctors are not always around to detect for example, early PND, child development problems, domestic violence or child abuse which happen in all classes and regardless of income or professional qualifications.
I do appreciate though that some people prefer not to see a health visitor and they are quite within their rights to refuse.

If you refuse it looks like you have something to hide. They ask to see where baby sleeps as too many people use unsafe sleep practices. I work in infant feeding and the stories I could tel you about things people have done with formula/fed newborn (raw egg to a 2 week old..) would make your hair stand on end. They are there to help and make sure all is well

@verywellbehaved what's wrong with checking I was making bottles correctly?
Anything that's new to someone is a learning curve and making bottles was a completely new skill to me - I had never done it before in my life.
I really don't understand why anyone would have an issue with that.

Trust me I brought it up. The one before her said she didn't see the point in coming out as we were experienced parents. I think she got us mixed up with someone else so I told the clinic not to send her anymore and not had any more visits since.

On the home judging point, I had reverse judging which was just as offensive. "Big house this", "it's incredibly clean and tidy I suppose you've got a cleaner", "me and my husband are making do with a one bed flat on nurse's wages".

The whole thing was absolutely awful and I never wanted them in my home again. When dd arrived I said no more than two midwives and no students and no hv.

No, mine were fab - I also used to work in a HV team and everyone was lovely 🤩

They're not "snooping" FFS, when kids slip through the net with abuse etc everyone is always "who let this happen?!" yet object to their role and call it pointless? They can't win.

By all means opt out of the service (they could prob do with the reduction to their ridiculous caseloads!) but there's no need to slag off an entire profession who in the main work their arses off to keep children safe and healthy.

You might feel you don't need the advice but you would be surprised at the way some parent and the resulting issues for their children. They absolutely need eyes on them and their parents need the guidance.

@verywellbehaved one doesn't need a red book. I threw ds's away and didn't get one for dd. The children's vaccinations were held in their medical records and I was more than capable of making appointments for them with the GP on schedule. Despite the fact that the HV told me she was responsible for making sure my dc were vaccinated when I asked her what her role was. I believe, unless my dc were under social services care, that my husband and I were responsible for their vaccinations and whether they shoukd have them. They did, I believe in vaccinations but believe decisions shoukd be made in light of published research rather than the say so of a health visitor who clearly was not well briefed.

I didn't see the point of plotting the heights and weights of children on charts when they were within the usual norms which was visible by eye. If my dc hadn't been in line with those norms, they woukd have been under a paediatrician. Notwithstanding the fact that the charts take no account of pre-term babies or differences relating to race. It all seemed far too basic to be worth dealing with.

Overall I didn't think the HV service was for us and I didn't feel the hv's were o owledeable enough to provide accurate advice.

When my DC were born, the community midwives visited daily for 10/12 days. The HV visited on day 12 and at about 3.5 weeks. A lot more than now but I don't think it was better as the standards were so poor. The midwives left me high and dry with mastitis at 9 days despite me mentioning the symptoms. Their advice was so contradictory (5 and 3 students in 9 days) it was counter productive and the number of strangers rolling in at any Time was very intrusive.

Because people don't like being undermined, most people don't like authority and you say she checked how you were making your bottles which I imagine would ruffle most people's feathers.
OP has said she is happy to go to clinic but doesn't want some judgy boots inspecting her home and I feel the same it's undignified, especially when it's not your first and you don't need teaching to suck eggs.

Just a side note - you need to go to the clinic at some point even if that's all you do so you can get the red book unless they give that at the hospital now.

@RosesAndHellebores the issues you mentioned would be things for your GP I would have thought - not the HV ?
I don't understand these threads. I vaguely remember 2 home visits. One was the Midwife, one the HV. (although I had a post natal check that took place in the hospital as my daughter was in the scbu that was basically to check my stitches - I assume that would have normally taken place at home).
They weighed my baby. Gave information about where and when the clinic was, gave some advice on breast feeding and checked how I was making bottles (because I was mostly bottle feeding) and that was about it.
I never understand the big deal people make.

In real.life no. On mumsnet yes, no one rates their HV.
Personally loved having health professionals tell me how well I was doing and how wonderful my babies were.