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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to see a health visitor?

137 replies

silveratone · 16/08/2024 13:46

I'm expecting my 3rd and really don't want the health vision snooping around.
Am I able to refuse this? Has anyone refused?
I'm happy to go to weigh in clinics and see them I just don't want them in my home.

OP posts:
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SamuelRevealingReality · 02/10/2025 14:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FriendofDorothy · 18/08/2024 16:11

Whatineed · 17/08/2024 13:27

I lived in a very small cottage when I had my DS, with a downstairs bathroom next to the kitchen. It was very easy to hear her open both the mirrored wall cabinet and the under sink cabinet in the bathroom while making a cup of tea. 🤣🤣🤣

There was plenty of toilet paper on the dispenser, hand soap on the sink, and a towel hanging next to it.

Did you challenge her at the time and ask her what she was doing?

SantasRubiksCube · 18/08/2024 10:40

Sorry another one here who has had nothing but bad experiences with HV, had different ones for each of my children and I found them patronising, rude and unhelpful. Always turning up really early or late (or on the wrong day completely to the appointment on the letter) then getting arsey at us if we weren't home or ready to welcome them with open arms like it was our fault. With my first, we had one turn up unannounced at 8 in the morning, because I wasn't dressed yet as I had no idea someone was coming round, she looked me up and down and said 'you know you'll feel better if you if shower and keep on top of things, you can't just stay cooped up in bed all day'. Others have been just as useless and any questions I have had for them, they seem to have no idea of the answer. I'm due my 4th baby any day and will be opting out of HV visits, I've managed to keep 3 other children alive, healthy and happy so could do without the hassle.

StMarieforme · 18/08/2024 10:12

My son threw one out when she made my DIL cry. Horrible woman.

You don't have to have them in your home.

Sparrow7 · 18/08/2024 10:05

Mine was lovely. I didn't have any midwife visits so I was glad to have someone check we were fine and doing ok.

MoveToParis · 18/08/2024 07:53

silveratone · 16/08/2024 14:29

I've never heard of a midwife coming to the house and they didn't with my others, maybe it's regional?
I didn't see one with my middle child due to Covid restrictions but I do remember with my first she wanted to see where baby would sleep and went snooping in our bedroom which I didn't like.

”Snooping” is such strong word, laden with so much antagonism it’s hard to know whether it’s her or you.

Did she rummage around in your drawers, what did she actually do that got on your wick so badly?

When you think about the actual activities the HV is supposed to do, which of those services do you not want, if it could be done in a way you are happy with? Remembering from my own kids (not in UK) there was Heel Pick Test? Reflexes? Spina Bifida, weight/feeding, other kids ok? sleeping arrangements, car seat?

MarathonofLife · 18/08/2024 07:40

You can decline, I also find them so intrusive (and useless).

However, they do tend to keep calling so for an easy life I let them come.

I lock my dog in the kitchen, have to put up with them looking in our private bedroom to see 'where the baby will sleep' and give me terrible outdated advice.

The service is not fit for purpose and a huge waste of public funds.

violetcuriosity · 18/08/2024 07:14

Not unreasonable but it's for such a short length of time, why not? You'd never forgive yourself if something got missed because of not seeing them. I've always just grinned and beared it for all of mine.

Thriving30 · 18/08/2024 07:03

My health visitor has been amazing and an incredible source of support, as a first time mum I've really valued her input. So friendly and approachable too.
She hasn't done any snooping - that's not what they are there for!! What would they be snooping for anyway? I've got nothing to hide.

JLT24 · 18/08/2024 06:49

RosesAndHellebores · 17/08/2024 19:10

@JLT24 and for the record I don't pretend. After my formal complaint, I became the VC of my local CHC and an Executive Director of the PCT.

Yet you still think a HV main purpose is to sit on a sofa and chat.

And you go on about your limited contact with a HV to discredit the entire profession?

JLT24 · 18/08/2024 06:47

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 17/08/2024 18:54

Exactly my experience where we live - the HVs even tell you they can’t do any medical referrals as they don’t work for health services so, if their visits flag up an issue, they tell you to ring the GP to get an appointment and ask them to do any necessary referrals

A copy of a letter stating refusal of HV services should be forwarded to a GP, a HV does not require access to medical records to do this.

JLT24 · 18/08/2024 06:43

GodspeedJune · 17/08/2024 18:40

Are you a HV? If so, you must be aware that this isn’t the policy nationwide. In my area there is no follow up by a senior HV once declined and it is not recorded on GP records. In lots of places it’s a council run service and they have no access to medical records to be able to inform GPs even if they wanted to.

You shouldn’t state it’s a formal policy when it certainly isn’t the case universally. Which is good as your take on it sounds rather draconian and certainly doesn’t indicate the optional nature of the service.

I work in public health and worked in issuing the nationwide guidance on Care continuity between midwifery and health visiting services: principles for practice

Lavender14 · 17/08/2024 21:37

You can refuse if you want but tbh my health visitor has been an absolute godsend. I would be inclined to accept the service and if you don't feel you're gelling well with who they send out ask for someone else.

My hv never looked around my house, was lovely about my dog and cat, recognised PPA in me before I understood what was happening and was very supportive.

bellocchild · 17/08/2024 21:27

Needmorelego · 17/08/2024 20:23

@bellocchild you can't compare an experience from "decades ago" though.
Methods change. Opinions change. Health and Safety changes.

Oh, I can! We had all the medical allergy information behind us, and she did not! My medical BIL had done the research.

Needmorelego · 17/08/2024 20:23

@bellocchild you can't compare an experience from "decades ago" though.
Methods change. Opinions change. Health and Safety changes.

bellocchild · 17/08/2024 19:45

Our HV, many decades ago, was a thorough-going bossy nuisance. She tried to bully us into 4-hour feeds, even for tiny hungry screaming babies, so they wouldn't get "spoilt" (ffs!). She also tried very hard to get us weaning far too early onto a commercial baby food which contained dried cow's milk, not ideal for cmpa babies. She went to pieces when she had her own baby. We tried not to snigger, but very hard.

Needmorelego · 17/08/2024 19:15

@RosesAndHellebores also what are CHC and PCT ?

Needmorelego · 17/08/2024 19:14

@RosesAndHellebores out of curiosity - when was this?
I really can't imagine it was recently.

fliptopbin · 17/08/2024 19:13

My health visitor told me that it was a red flag that I had missed the pre birth appointment. I pointed out that I was rather busy that day. Giving birth!

RosesAndHellebores · 17/08/2024 19:10

@JLT24 and for the record I don't pretend. After my formal complaint, I became the VC of my local CHC and an Executive Director of the PCT.

RosesAndHellebores · 17/08/2024 19:08

JLT24 · 17/08/2024 18:05

I’m sure many people can recall instances of dealing with incompetent medical staff, but it’s quite frankly ridiculous to tar them all with the same brush and/or to pretend to know the ins and outs of an entire profession based on a limited context.

Edited

Indeed but at the same time the Head of the HV Association announced via The Times that their role was to teach ignorant mothers the three Cs: Cooking, Communication and Cleanliness.

It reveals quite a lot and sadly my HV had dirty hair and shoes, (cleanliness?), couldn't tell me her role (Communication?). I don't know about her cooking skills but as I was cordon bleu trained in Switzerland I doubt she had much to teach me.

As you were.

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 17/08/2024 18:54

GodspeedJune · 17/08/2024 18:40

Are you a HV? If so, you must be aware that this isn’t the policy nationwide. In my area there is no follow up by a senior HV once declined and it is not recorded on GP records. In lots of places it’s a council run service and they have no access to medical records to be able to inform GPs even if they wanted to.

You shouldn’t state it’s a formal policy when it certainly isn’t the case universally. Which is good as your take on it sounds rather draconian and certainly doesn’t indicate the optional nature of the service.

Exactly my experience where we live - the HVs even tell you they can’t do any medical referrals as they don’t work for health services so, if their visits flag up an issue, they tell you to ring the GP to get an appointment and ask them to do any necessary referrals

GodspeedJune · 17/08/2024 18:40

JLT24 · 17/08/2024 15:40

Sorry you had a bad experience.

The process is - firstly it’s reported to a senior HV who will try to contact the family again and arrange a visit. If a visit is turned down/un contactable it’s then reported to the child’s GP. It is then the responsibility of the GP to make further enquires as to whether there are any safeguarding concerns and whether a mandatory safeguarding visit is required. This is then regularly reviewed by the GP until the child reaches the end of the HV journey. It’s not an empty threat but simply the process that a HV must follow.

Are you a HV? If so, you must be aware that this isn’t the policy nationwide. In my area there is no follow up by a senior HV once declined and it is not recorded on GP records. In lots of places it’s a council run service and they have no access to medical records to be able to inform GPs even if they wanted to.

You shouldn’t state it’s a formal policy when it certainly isn’t the case universally. Which is good as your take on it sounds rather draconian and certainly doesn’t indicate the optional nature of the service.

ADHDHDHDHD · 17/08/2024 18:37

bluesheetsq · 17/08/2024 16:41

What the vast majority of you don't understand is that if you're a generally well functioning family, capable of raising your children safely with little input, the HV ain't really there for you.

The HV service IS vital for supporting and safeguarding the most vulnerable in society.

the privilege of the people on here saying 'I found my HV pointless' well, fucking good!!! I'm glad thats how you feel because that means your kids are probably alright!

you lot couldn't imagine in your wildest dreams the situations some children exist within. They suffer endless days of misery, abuse and neglect, that social care say doesn't meet the threshold. They are who need a HV. Not you.

Absolutely agree with this. It is basically safeguarding the baby. The HVs might not all be brilliant but they see hundreds and thousands of babies and can spot when something isn't right.

JLT24 · 17/08/2024 18:05

RosesAndHellebores · 17/08/2024 16:50

So why don't they explain this openly and clearly to parents?

My HV was so incompetent (and disorganised and lazy), that I contacted the Head HV herself to find out what their role was. Head HV told me one of their roles was to make sure mothers talked to their babies enough to develop speech. She also acknowledged my request and confirmed it was my right to opt put. Then she got another HV to start phoning me up. Result, formal complaint that was upheld. It was frankly offensive from top to bottom.

I might have engaged had a mutually convenient appointment been made, had the HV turned up on time and been able to clearly explain her role whilst exercising some care and empathy rather than ticking boxes on forms.

In the event I was so riled about the talking to baby enough comments (not even the baby) that I read my son the Iliad and the Odyssey when he was six weeks old. I guess a positive arising from it was that he brought us home a first in Classics from Oxford!

At about the same time the Head of the HV Association wrote in The Times that the role of the HV was to teach ignorant mothers the three C's. Cooking, Communication and Cleanliness. The entire shooting match was unacceptable. It appeared toxic from the top down and my experience led me to the conclusion that Health Visiting was a very expensive job relation scheme for nurses who preferred paperwork and working 9-5 than practical nursing. A complete waste of resources.

Edited

I’m sure many people can recall instances of dealing with incompetent medical staff, but it’s quite frankly ridiculous to tar them all with the same brush and/or to pretend to know the ins and outs of an entire profession based on a limited context.

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