To tell MIL she can't hold baby

Jesus Christ. That's fine for you, but for mothers who don't get cold sores, their babies have no immunity - and it has been and can be fatal for those babies. We had a mumsnetter years ago who it happened to.

It's ridiculous because there has to be contact. As long as someone washes their hands and doesn't kiss baby there is no risk.

most ppl in my experience around a very young baby, volunteer NOT to hold a baby if they are even SLIGHTLY unwell

Your first baby? I can understand how u feel...totally. I imagine the baby will be fine esp as you're Breast feeding?

I also think its fine if u explain your reservation to your MIL too. No problem with that. If she doesn't respect that , thats a red flag to me. And you'll see more of that from her in future visits I am guessing

To the dickhead saying pfb alert...I wouldn't want my 10th baby staying with someone who couldn't be bothered letting me know they were ill. Never mind first baby.

It's mad isn't it, if I had a cold I wouldn't dream of hugging/kissing other people so why should a baby have to put up with it?

Wow what a selfish woman, she should have told you she was a bit unwell and then let you make the call whether you still want to come.

As someone who's been in the hospital with a sick baby, I can understand why you're concerned OP. A newborn is indeed vulnerable and I think it's not worth the risk, so have your DH speak up or make an excuse so you can leave. Part of having a child is becoming more assertive, and it's not too early to start. Do what you think is best for your child and don't worry about the rest. Good luck

You’re not being precious at all. I would never visit a newborn baby if I had a cold and if one crossed my path I would excuse myself from holding it if I am unwell. I think it’s just common sense! Lots of nice phrases on here to use but I would express that you are disappointed too as you wanted a lovely photo of grandma and baby but sadly it’ll have to wait til next time.

@FreightTrain do whatever you need to do to keep your baby safe. Other people will have different levels of risk appetite and that's fine. I personally wouldn't let anyone with a call hold my 7 week old and I don't mind if people think I'm precious. If my child was really ill after, they would be happily in their own homes with their families and not enduring my struggles with me

*Edited for spelling

Nice generalisation! I'm a mother of sons and I wouldn't dream of holding a baby if I was ill. I would have cancelled completely.

Many years ago when my child was 4 weeks old my Mil turned up with a very heavy cold and proceeded to stand in the corner of the lounge so she didn’t pass on her cold to anyone.

Too late, me, my husband and baby all came done with what ever she had, we all ended up at different hospitals as they couldn’t accommodate us all in the same hospital, and on top of that my husband almost died.

My mum’s newborn sister died as a result of a guest turning up ill to see the new baby.

Are people really that stupid not to let the babies parents know they are ill before they visit.

No way in hell let her hold the baby. My 6 week ended up very poorly with entroviral meningitis after an adult with just a "sniffle" held him. No kissing just close proximity. Babies that little have zero immune sytem

Ignore all the posters telling you you're over reacting OP.

My eldest was around 7 weeks old when, one afternoon when he was asleep in his pram, I notice something was wrong with his breathing.

He's actually stopped breathing I realised when I picked him up.

Thankfully, my husband pushed his mouth open, which enabled him to take a breath.

We ended up in A&E and the doctor we saw said his body was too immature to make him open his mouth to breath.

Obviously you can't avoid every germ with a small baby, especially if you have older children, but why would anyone think it's okay for MIL to hold a new born when she's got a cold?

In those circumstances the correct thing to do is to tell the baby's parents that you've got a cold and you'll wait to see baby when you're better.

If MIL is offended that OP doesn't want her to hold baby then she's either stupid, selfish or doesn't give a shit about the baby's welfare; if any of these apply then no one should worry about her taking offense.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - my little one is under a year old and I remember being told that a cold could be more serious for a newborn?

when my sil came to visit and had a cold she just didn’t hold the baby. Didn’t stop her visiting but. Thankfully she was the one to raised it with me to let me know she had been unwell.

could always say “oh you sound a little choked up” and then bring up your concerns when asked to hold.

As long as you would do the same with your mum then I don’t see the issue

As long as MIL isn't kissing the baby it will be fine.

I don't even believe this to be honest. So many like this lately

As someone whose child has had several (necessary) hospital trips after catching what for others was a mild cold, I don't think it's unreasonable to say nobody with symptoms of a respiratory infection holds a small baby unnecessarily. If you don't feel comfortable with her holding your baby, then she shouldn't hold your baby. For diplomacy, maybe try to get your husband to be the one to tell her.

Well yes I think DD2 caught a cold from DD1 at a few weeks old. And chickenpox also before she was 6 months. If you have older children it's almost guaranteed to happen. Unless of course you ship them off somewhere for the baby's first 6 months

None of that statement is factual.

my youngest caught a cold from my eldest (at nursery) and ended up being blue lighted to the children’s hospital at 3 weeks. Baby’s have very fragile immune systems

I would leave. It's really unfair of your MIL not to tell you that she was ill beforehand. I had a cold when my dn was a few weeks old. I said I wouldn't be visiting because I wasn't well but was looking forward to cuddles when I was better. They came round to my house and offered for me to hold the baby but I was still not well and I would cuddle her the next week. Both parents were fine with it but I wasn't. 6 months later my then 5 year old passed on chicken pox to her before his spots came out. I was mortified. Apparently it was going round his class at school but I didn't know that until a few days later. My now 16 year old was hospitalised at 8 months with the flu because someone attended a family gathering when they were ill and didn't pre warn me. I would have stayed away if I'd known.

Is it a bit ridiculous to not know they were ill and then find out after you're there, and so decide at the time that the ill person shouldn't have physical contact?

Personally, I'd rather let grandma down gently than have her hold the baby: "Perhaps we can do cuddles next time. I wouldn't want x to catch a cold. I'm cautious as she's so young and her immune system is still developing."

That's so selfish of her. My own mum would absolutely not even try to hold a baby if she had a cold and she would tell us not to come in the first place.

I'd be upfront IF she tries to hold him and say you look a bit ill, don't want to risk your grandson becoming ill when he's so little.

Common sense would say to let someone know before they visit with a newborn that you have a cold.

a common cold can kill a baby. It’s really not worth the risk.