To tell MIL she can't hold baby

There's no such thing thing as only a bit or mildly ill with a cold virus. It's a virus. You either have one or you don't. Symptoms can vary by individual. The stage one is at is very unlikely to be known. I wouldn't risk it with any baby of my own nor would I risk exposing someone else's to my illness.

I've had cause to spend a lot of time hanging around A&E over the last few years with my bunch of conditions. The sheer number of frantic parents holding lethargic babies who can't breathe is enough to make me super cautious. To put it bluntly, the sound of little ones drowning in their own snot is horrific.

No, it can't always be avoided but don't invite it to please an adult who wants cuddles.

MIL is unlikely to pass on her coldsore if she washes her hands properly and doesn't kiss the baby, with or without a visiable sore. A conversation may need to be had, asking her politely not to kiss the baby and to wash hands before handling, but i would assume all family members are already aware of this and do it as a matter of course but no harm just reminding them if not.

As for the common cold, i'm afraid, your baby will be exposed too this many times over, by both those with and without symptoms. I am a new grandmother myself and i personally wouldnt visit or expect visits if i'm unwell, but maybe MIL doesn't consider themselves to be 'that ill'.

Not sure why you had to make it clear its your MIL? can you not talk to her?

The whole ‘need to be exposed to build up their immune systems’ does not apply to small babies and respiratory viruses where a virus that is mild for an adult or older child can put a baby in the ICU or worse.

Yes, if it’s a parent or older sibling there isn’t much you can do but that doesn’t mean you should expose your baby to risk you don’t need to just because it could have been an older sibling.

I swear this advice used to be common sense until recently.

Same here. SIL cancelled coming to see our DS at about 6 weeks because my niece had a cold and she didn’t want to risk passing it on.

If she means anybody who has ever been in contact with somebody who has the virus forever, that will also include the baby's father (and probably her as well, now she's been in contact with her husband enough to conceive).

I'm a new grandmother and besotted with my grandchild, but wouldn't dream of going near her if I wasn't well. I want the very best for her - my need to hold her doesn't override my desire for her to be well. Yes, of course she'll pick up bugs but I wouldn't deliberate put her in that position.

This can't be unusual. My new 6 week old DGS hasn't been around anyone who is remotely poorly thank goodness. Plenty of time to expose little ones.

The reason for not wanting her to hold the baby now is because MiL appears to have an active common cold virus.

I didn’t say this was unreasonable!

You can shed the coldsore virus (herpes) when you are well.

I hate how the onus is on OP to say something and be the "bad guy". If I have anyone planning to visit and someone in the house falls unwell I would let them know so we could postpone, let alone someone with a 7 week old baby. It's not about having "rights" to hold a grandchildren. Why would you want to potentially make your vulnerable young family member poorly?

OP stated she didn’t want her MiL holding her baby with an active cold sore. The implication being that is it wasn’t active it was fine for MiL to touch and hold the baby.

The reason for not wanting her to hold the baby now is because MiL appears to have an active common cold virus.

There’s nothing ridiculous about wanting someone with a communicable illness to take steps not to pass it on to a 7 week old baby.

Babies’ immune systems are not well developed at 7 weeks, even if they’re being breastfed it’s best to avoid situations where they are likely to pick something up.

Not wanting someone who is ill to not get close to your 7 WEEK baby is not 'precious'. Yes she would say the same if it was her own mum.

OP you're a new mum with a little baby. You can absolutely feel this way. My MIL always says new mums can feel however they want about others and their baby.
If you need to, make an excuse about you not feeling great and needing to get home. Or be honest and say you don't want the baby to get poorly.

And if they inadvertently touch the cold sore - especially one that has burst - then the baby, the damage is done. The immune system of a baby so young can’t cope with the herpes simplex virus and it can be fatal - and with no outward signs to indicate what it is that’s wrong. I wouldn’t be risking that.

So you ask midwives, drs etc etc if they have ever had a cold sore before allowing them to touch your baby? Because the op stated mil has had cold sores in the past. Not that she has one now and has attempted to kiss her baby with an active one, Jesus Christ .

I'm on the fence here. If actually ill then no she shouldn't really hold baby, but her symptoms seem very mild - certainly mind enough that you're husband didn't notice. If its that mild, I'd be ok with it.

I wasn't ok with SIL meeting my first at 2 weeks with a heavy, streaming fluish cold which she told us about whilst en route - as in 'I'm an hour away. I feel absolutely awful, I've got a rotten cold'. Oh, and she had a visible coldsore. I didn't want to make a fuss so let her have the cuddles, but I was fuming. I'm less passive these days thankfully 😂

For a cold, or any other immune response to cause a cold sore, you have to have the herpes simplex virus.

My partner used to get cold sores you're not being unreasonable. He would never kiss our children if had a cold sore. I don't remember him ever kissing the children.

Absolutely mad replies on here. You are absolutely correct OP. Yes, babies need to develop their immune systems but this will happen naturally over time without being deliberately exposed to viruses at 7 weeks old. Babies are hospitalised with RSV. I wouldn't be so selfish to expect to hold a baby if I had a cold, so I wouldn't expect it off anyone else either.

You say she’s only a bit ill and so I’d have no problem with it.

But if she’s coughing and sneezing then the virus would be in the air anyway and I’d make an excuse to be outside as much as possible and perhaps not stay too long.

Just show her a link to the dangers of cold sores in babies

She will love her grandchild and not wish to cause any harm .

She doesnt have one currently so you are worrying over nothing

Yabu not allowing her to hold her grandchild you are absolutely right in enforcing a no kissing rule

If she is genuinely unwell as opposed to a bit of hay fever again you are justified in not allowing snuggles. But your post overall seems rather ott and slightly precious tbh

For all the babies who caught something off family and were "fine" there's always one that dies and the family have to live with that forever.
She should have let you know she was ill, I'd be leaving personally.

Your baby, your call to make. Just go about it nicely and politely. Tell her your GP has said to be careful the first months and not expose your baby to anyone who is potentially ill. I did this with my lovely Mil when she had ideas I didn't agree with. Not really honest but it avoided conflicts and my judgment questioned. Personally I would not let your Mil hold the baby. Ignore those calling you precious, you will have to stand up to the same people when they say do not vaccinate your child because they will get autism or Bill Gates conspiracies.🙄