To tell MIL she can't hold baby

This MIL has met and cuddled the baby twice. This isn’t the first meeting. Babies are vulnerable and their health comes before an adult’s feelings.

I get it, it’s your first and obviously you don’t want them to get ill. My first didn’t get a cold until she was 8 months. My second had one at 4 weeks thanks to his big sister bringing everything but the plague home from nursery. But you can’t live your life worrying about every single thing, ask her to wash her hands and maybe don’t touch the baby’s face. Obviously don’t cough of sneeze on the baby but that’s about as far as I would go. If baby gets a cold they will be fine.

I think you are unreasonable. Cold sores are only an issue if active. I have them. I just didn't kiss my babies when I had one. Someone cannot pass them one if they don't have one going on. The virus is mainly dormant. You worry about nothing. In terms of a cold, your baby is young and will have antibodies. You just cannot avoid them forever.
And would you treat your own mum like that ???

Even if they don’t have complications it’s just not very pleasant - at that age you’re relatively limited as to what you can give them, and it’s just not comfortable for them (or you!). Hopefully it’ll be fine and your MIL can give her a nice cuddle when she’s feeling better, it really shouldn’t be a drama just common sense!

Cold sores require contact to pass ie. through kissing nor just holding

Stick to your guns my 8 year old now gets cold sores and it's 100% because I didn't manage my MIL enough with kisses. It's horrendous to manage especially with now 3 DD's and I feel guilt everytime she gets one.

No way would I let a person with a contagious illness hold my newborn baby. Totally reasonable.

I remember asking my friend to wash her hands before she held my newborn (she has a grubby job) and she looked at me like I was insane.

No one wants a newborn to be sick. It's hard enough when they're perfectly healthy.

I mean that’s a bit harsh. You can tell who’s had to deal with seriously ill babies as a result of catching a cold and who hasn’t. I’m not a MIL basher at all, saw mine on the way home fro hospital etc, no “baby bubble” here - everyone welcome. But my 10 day old got rushed to A&E having caught a cold, and whilst I didn’t lock us away after that, I did make sure to keep my distance from anyone (MIL or otherwise) who was exhibiting cold symptoms. Sometimes shit happens and they catch things, but no harm mitigating the risk where possible, especially as they’re so vulnerable as newborns and even a simple cold can cause nasty consequences.

Quote MN rule 19a. “A MIL should be forbidden to touch a baby in the first 8 years of life. “
“After this age permission must be sought . “

I'd never go near a newborn when I had any cold or illness.

No one should. It's just common sense.

You are absolutely right to tell anyone who's ill to keep well away.

Oh I thought you were worried about the baby.

If it’s just that then I think I you’re being a bit selfish.

I understand where you're coming from with both, any reasonable person if they either had a cold or an active cold sore wouldn't ask to hold the baby so you're well within your rights to say no and give your, very legitimate, reasons.

It's mumsnet....what 'limelight' are you talking about? It's not that much of a thread

My 10 day old baby ended up in hospital with bronchitis after she caught a cold from her sister. Unavoidable in those circumstances but it’s definitely not true they can’t get unwell for about 6 months.
OP if she’s visibly unwell I’d err on the side of caution - sometimes these things happen and babies catch things and you can’t help it, but if there’s something you can do to lessen the risk by avoiding close contact with someone who’s visibly unwell then you should I think. It’s no fun for the baby (or you!) - feel free to get your MIL to message me asking about the joys of bronchitis in a newborn if she needs the message putting across 😅

I think that is very normal to not want anyone with a cold to hold the baby, especially when they’re so tiny! Anyone with any sense wouldn’t want to hold a newborn baby when they’re sick either. Definitely have your phrases ready to say “sorry do you mind not holding her this time as I’m worried about her catching something”. People are so selfish when it comes to new babies and don’t realise how it makes mum feel :( horrible feeling awkward to tell someone you don’t want to hold them for a very valid reason. Sorry you’re in this situation. Hope your partner is helpful

@FreightTrain sorry people are being rubbish to you. I would have considered leaving. People don’t understand that a cold in a newborn until 8 weeks often means hospital and invasive tests like a lumbar puncture.
i al also going to be turning people away at the door if they are in any way unwell. Luckily the local midwife department have a payer about not kissing babies that aren’t mum/dad.

All the people saying babies have some kind of magical force field from mum. Nope. Mum can still get a cold and so can baby but baby gets viral meningitis so nope.

The cold is harder to mitigate since you are sharing an environment with infected person DD may already have been exposed or will be from you if you get it!

Cold sores are different since its easier to avoid (no kisses), dangerous for babies and will leave her permanently suffering flare-ups. I think its reasonable to ask her not to kiss the new baby while she's got cold sores.

Sorry, I totally misread your post.

I mean it seems like you were looking for reasons to not let her hold the baby before you even arrived so I'd guess this is about more than a cold.

The question is not framed around how parents manage with their babies when they are ill. Managing illness within your own household is just what needs to be done.

I don't want to visit people if they are ill. I don't want them to visit me.

If I was very unwell or had something contagious my partner would have down the lion's share of looking after the DC. I would have done the same.

When DC1 was very small, ILs were really keen to visit. Everyone was getting over norovirus. I asked them not to come, not least because we were all shattered after a rubbish week. They came. Despite the house being thoroughly cleaned, they caught it and were quite ill. Since then, we have had chats. Were were super careful during lockdown.

Small babies do not need to develop immunity by getting respiratory infections. As a general rule of thumb the older they are when they get their first respiratory infection the better.

Sorry, but that is a gross generalization and misconception.