To tell MIL she can't hold baby

Sorry about your experience. That is very unusual. I guess your baby had a cold which then progressed to a secondary condition such as pneumonia? Most newborns and children will not have those kinds of complications.

And your medical experience to say that is?

because my son spent 2 weeks on a ventilator when he got a cold as a newborn.

A cold isn’t life threatening for a baby 😭😭

I hope you were able to stop mil infecting your baby. X

I'm certain you're just getting mad replies because it is your MIL and people have weird attitudes towards MILs on here. If you'd said it was your sister or your nice or your cousin or something it'd be different and entirely more sensible

@FreightTrain I'm usually not one to comment on here but would just like to say you are not being dramatic or over anxious at all op.
Everyone who is saying they would be fine letting theyre babies catch a cold or let someone who is mot well hold them etc have never had a baby who has become seriously ill. My LO developed bronchiolitis because i was too afraid of hurting a family members feeling by telling them not to hold him when they were ill. Within 2 days he deteriorated and was hospitalised. The first thing the paediatric dr asked was was there anyone who was not well in the family that he had been in contact with.
Each to their own but seeing him have a feeding tube put in and fight for every breath was enough for me to never allow that to happen again.

I don’t want to be in the house of someone with a cold and I’m not a newborn! I’m glad she didn’t hold baby but what she thinking allowing you to come around with a newborn while she was unwell. Mind boggles

I e been trying to make this point but not as eloquently haha

Yep she caught the cold off her older sister from nursery. Still wouldn’t go out of my way to let someone openly unwell cuddle her though 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ why risk it anymore?

not giving a newborn a cuddle when you have a cold - or D and v or anything else contagious - should just be common sense

Yes of course.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t do what you can to reduce contact. You may not be able to avoid everything but that doesn’t mean you can take steps to reduce risk.

not giving a newborn a cuddle when you have a cold - or D and v or anything else contagious - should just be common sense.

I have three babies- and have had plenty of trips to hospital with them . And I don’t know if you have more than one, but any parent will tell you in you have a baby with an older sibling in nursery you are screwed.

Actually I had my mum stay for three months with subsequent Dc and the main thing I asked for help with was minding baby for drop-off/ pick ups so I didn’t need to take them into a nursery environment and then allowing me to do the evening routines separately . If older Dc had a cold, I actually didn’t mix them. I realise not everyone has this level of support available but I’m just saying the principle of protecting them in those early weeks is not something that doesn’t happen.

Maybe your first child did, but that isn’t the case for everyone.

Both of my children rarely caught colds when they were babies and toddlers, and when they were in nursery. If one was poorly, I kept them away from their sibling because I rather have one sick child than two. Easy for me, oldest wasn’t that bothered about his brother until the sibling was 2.5 and they could chase after each other. When their baby sister was born, same rule applied to them. My own parents also took precautions since they were flying over, one who is in the medical field. No sensible person wants to take the chance of getting a newborn sick all for a cuddle.

As I’ve said on this thread a few times my second got a cold off my first. Unavoidable, but it made her incredibly sick.

We still went out and about because colds are a fact of life and these things happen, but if I knew someone was ill I’d steer clear. It’s just mitigating risks. In the same way I wouldn’t let them snuggle with someone who had noro. Sure they’ll likely get D&V at some point, but why increase the odds.

My baby was very unwell after catching a normal cold. And the ward was full of similarly aged babies. It’s more common than you’d think.

Ask her
"Aww, have you the sniffles" Before she asks to hold baby. So as not to ruffle feathers.

Not so much life threatening but holding a baby when u have a cold u would think common sense would prevail here and despite baby having immunity you would think that people would just refrain from doing so

I have had bad luck of having colds when a few of my friends had their babies. I made a point of staying away until I was better as I wouldn't forgive myself if I had passed it on. This meant in a few instances I didn't see their babies for a while, but that is better than the alternative.

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't want anyone who is knowing I'll holding a newborn/young baby.

OP if I were you I’d leave the thread and concentrate on your baby. You’ve had lots of advice about keeping the baby safe including from a paediatric nurse who I’m sure knows more than some of the posters who just love a pile on and to say a mother is wrong. Clearly some very resentful MILs on here who want to take their frustration out on you.

This only works for pfbs!

By the time you have your second your first is bringing in every cold in the planet home to them...

You sound insufferable and like the kind of person who will raise children allergic to the world. I understand if she has a cold you don’t want her holding the baby but not being able to merely joke a baby because she has a cold sore (I am talking about holding not kissing).

Dear God. You remind me of a former acquaintance who makes people use hand sanitizer before they could hold her baby.

YABU

How dramatic. Common colds are everywhere. Regardless, OP was already apparently looking for reasons to deny MIL a cuddle before they even arrived and doesn’t even know she has a cold!

I agree, be kind but firm.

I'm surprised how many people are blasé about someone with a cold handling their newborn. A cold is uncomfortable for them but RSV which causes cold like symptoms in older folk can be serious for babies.

It's just common sense to keep small babies away from sick people.