To tell MIL she can't hold baby

You are not being unreasonable. Cold sores are highly contagious. A common cold is equally contagious. if she has either and is still in the incubation period of the latter, ie the cold, Your child is still at risk. I am sure she will understand if you tell her politely why she can't hold the baby. If she does not, then that's unfortunate; she should still not hold the baby. No sentiments where the baby's health is involved.

I wouldn't ask for advice here OP. MN in general can be dismissive of issues like this because it's thought that grandparents can do no wrong and there's no consideration for mum's feelings.

You're not being precious. Those comments can do one.

You're allowed to choose who holds your baby and when. If you don't want anyone who is visibly ill to hold your newborn then so be it. It's tough. You're the parent.
It's one thing if you KNOW someone is ill and another if you're questioning someone's health before you offer for them to hold your baby.

Those saying it doesn't matter and "you'll soon moan when the grandparents aren't helping" have obviously never had a baby in hospital with RSV or bronchitis. It's dangerous for a baby to catch so is it worth the risk just so granny doesn't get the hump? No it's not.

You can visit family without them holding your baby. It's not against the law. I don't know why people on here seem to think grandparents must hold your baby whenever you see them.

And maybe someone should tell the parents of 7 week old babies who ended up in hospital, or worse, that they can't get ill because they have antibodies. Daft.

There are cases where babies have passed due to people not listening when parents asked them not to kiss their baby with a cold sore.

Everyone was asking how high when the government said jump just a while ago. It's a shame they don't have the same reaction when it comes to a baby's health.

I'm suprised your MiL let you visit if she was ill. I would not visit small children if I had a cold or cold sore.

Many, many, many babies with colds have it develop to bronchiolitis, which is the commonest cause of hospital admission in under ones. In winter, almost all our patients can be babies on oxygen/breathing support and receiving NG/IV feeds. I have personally intubated multiple babies for them to go on ventilators, and be shipped out to intensive care at a bigger hospital, because their colds turned into severe bronchiolitis.

Are you for real?? Protecting babies health is not being precious!! My neighbours baby developed meningitis from a virus her grandfather had, her coffin in the hearse outside my house was the force than led to me moving away !!!

Maybe just man up and say no, sorry, you're ill. You can hold her when you're better. At the end of the day, she's your daughter. Get a back bone. Strangers on the internet can't really help..

Sadly, not true. A work friends baby died at 8 weeks old after contracting herpes from her grandmothers coldsore.

It is better to be over cautious in your little ones first 12 weeks of life.

I never said she was overreacting I told her to leave if uncomfortable as a cough or cold virus is airborne nothing you can do to stop catching it

I didn’t mention the cold sores as op suggested she didn’t have one so therefore that part is irrelevant and she’s worried about the cold or cough infecting baby

I spent years studying including months on viruses and bacteria etc

A caring grandma wouldn't want to hold a baby if she was ill. You are not unreasonable. You don't know what kind of virus she may have. My granddaughter was hospitalised twice before the age of 2 with viral illness. I get cold sores, and wouldn't go near her if I had one, or a common cold. I wouldn't let them visit if I was unwell. Your MIL should understand. If she doesn't and got offended at you not wanting her to hold the baby, too bad !!! It's not wrong of you to put baby's welfare first. Tell your husband to explain and take the heat !!!!

OP I completely understand I would tell her that she looks unwell and using caugh sweets. I would not want my DC to become unwell as although baby as your antibodies they can still get unwell. My daughter caught whooping caugh at 5 weeks and she stopped breathing 27 times and needed to be on ventilation for 5 days and in hospital for 2 weeks. I would not risk anything!

Her not holding the baby will stop the transfer of the herpes virus, which can kill a young baby. I can’t believe some of the stuff I’m reading on here. The OP is 100% not overreacting.

Colds and coughs are airborne droplet infections meaning anyone in the same room is exposed

if you are uncomfortable leave, her not holding you Baby won’t stop baby getting sick if she’s infectious

I could absolutely have written this post. I felt exactly the same around my DM who has coldsores when my DS was tiny. To be honest, my stomach still drops when she has one now because, even though it's not as dangerous now, I still don’t want him to have a lifelong painful virus! My DM doesn't seem to understand how it transmits either (no matter how often I tell her that she has to wash her hands really regularly!) ... my advice is to just be really upfront but perhaps a little self-deprecating about it. Tell her that recent studies have shown that the coldsore virus is really (can be life-threateningly) dangerous for babies under 6m and so, while you know she doesn't seem to have an active one, the fact that she is clearly under the weather means she might be shedding the virus, so you'd rather she didn't hold the baby until she's well. She's welcome to call and pop over when she's feeling better.

Absolutely yes. My own mother would not hold baby is she was unwell

Breastfeeding does provide immunity but not total immunity @Oldermum84 . My own youngest, exclusively breastfed, spent a week in hospital with RSV as a 6 week old.

Almost every newborn will come into contact with cold viruses.

Especially if there are siblings, they’ll be bringing home all sorts of bugs from day 1. It is expected and normal for newborns to be exposed to this type of virus, and complications are freak events. Unfortunately, there will always be babies who do develop pneumonia, croup, and other conditions no matter what.

That said, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP not to want her visibly unwell MIL snuggling up to the baby! I wouldn’t either.

Not true. Ds caught a cold from MIL at 2 weeks old and ended up in hospital for ten days with bronchiolitis. It doesn’t harm to be a little cautious.

Most? That’s not a risk I’d be prepared to take

I don’t understand the people saying you are being precious. Are they aware babies have becoming seriously ill from contracting the cold sore virus? She might not have one now but it could come on from being run down from the cold.
Also it’s plain silly and selfish for person who visibly has the cold to insist on holding a newborn baby. To the people who are saying she is bound to have been exposed to something in seven weeks- no not necessarily, and there is a world of difference between accidentally catching one and a baby being handed to someone who you know has a cold.
Look, chances are that if mil washes her hands and doesn’t kiss baby the risks are minimal. But she would also have to not breathe on her to avoid transmitting the cold. So no kissing and no holding too close. So are you going going to be watching her like a hawk and policing how close she is or saying ‘ok you can hold her but keep her at arms length’. It’s up to you if you want to do that and take the risk. Some babies sail through a cold others really suffer.
If it was me personally I’d rather just say ‘you don’t look too well mil Id rather you didn’t hold baby for now to make sure she doesn’t catch anything’.
Anyone with an ounce of sense would give a heads up that they weren’t feeling well to anyone intending on visiting with a tiny baby

Hello OP - your post came up on my Facebook and I’ve joined MN just to answer it. Your instincts are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

Lots of people don’t know how dangerous cold sores are to young babies. Cold sores carry the herpes virus, which can cause meningitis and encephalitis in babies who don’t have immunity yet to the herpes virus.

Lots of babies are born with immunity because their mum has had cold sores and so the baby has built up the immunity in the womb but this is by no means guaranteed.

I know all of this because my baby got this virus when they were 10 days old, and suffered hugely. We did not know if they would survive.

From that experience I met many other parents who had similar experiences - some of their children have brain damage as a result and some have sadly died.

You need to speak to your MIL - this is such a little known danger and of course she will understand once the risks are set out. You’re not being OTT at all. You’re being a wise mum. Good luck x

I hope you left immediately OP. My poor DS caught an awful.cold from me at 10 days old and was hospitalised for a week on oxygen. The wards was full of RSV babies. I felt awful but as the (breastfeeding) mother, I couldn't stay away whilst I was ill (illness started 3 days prior to birth). I keep physical distance from adults when I am ill, and if it were a baby, I stay away from being in their presence. It is unbelievably selfish to put a baby in danger just so I could see it (and I presume this isn't the first time your MIL has seen her grandchild?)

Get a grip.

Absolute rubbish. My 1st baby was exclusively breastfed and ended up in hospital at 4 weeks old with rsv which is just a horrible cold for adults but can be deadly for babies.

I don’t understand why you’re getting a hard time from some posters, OP. I stay well away from young babies if I have a cold or feel unwell. She’s also the child’s GM so she should actually care about the baby’s health.

It’s more common than you think. One of the most common reasons for under twos to be hospitalised is RSV virus, RSV is the virus which causes the common cold in adults.

your ignorance is really showing so please don’t downplay the facts. A common cold can kill a baby. A common cold can hospitalise a baby. Why would you take the risk?