To tell MIL she can't hold baby

AliciaSoo · 13/02/2025 12:15

Porcuporpoise · 13/02/2025 12:05

It's not that they need to be exposed to diseases so young @AliciaSoo it's just that younger children inevitably are. What did you do when your older children got colds, lock them in their bedrooms? Did you never have to look after a sick toddler and a young baby at the same time?

Of course, but that's unavoidable, and even then you try not to mix them up if the oldest are full of a cold or d&v with a young baby.
The situation that OP is describing it's complete avoidable and she doesn't have to expose her baby if she doesn't want to.

Porcuporpoise · 13/02/2025 12:05

It's not that they need to be exposed to diseases so young @AliciaSoo it's just that younger children inevitably are. What did you do when your older children got colds, lock them in their bedrooms? Did you never have to look after a sick toddler and a young baby at the same time?

AliciaSoo · 13/02/2025 11:32

Porcuporpoise · 13/02/2025 08:23

It's a first child thing. When baby no 2 comes along and you have a toddler with a permanent head cold, colds suddenly don't seem as dangerous as all that.

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I've got to disagree here... Mum if three and no, babies immune system is not mature enough at 7 weeks old... All that nonsense that they need to be exposed to diseases is just not true, definitely when they're this little.
A 24-48h cold for an adult can be 7-10 days for a baby that young, and not only their immune system is not mature enough to fight it, but also consider blocked noses and feeding struggles and potential dehydration and hospitalisation..
Newborn babies aren't toys.

Porcuporpoise · 13/02/2025 08:23

Sirzy · 12/10/2024 20:37

But you would always make sure your child was in a suitable car seat to keep them as safe as possible. In the same way you wouldn’t deliberately expose your baby to a potentially dangerous illness when it could be avoided

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It's a first child thing. When baby no 2 comes along and you have a toddler with a permanent head cold, colds suddenly don't seem as dangerous as all that.

ThisIcyHare · 12/02/2025 21:58

Calypso321 · 16/08/2024 13:33

You’re being a bit precious. Would you say the same if it was your own mum?

At 7 weeks old I would be saying this to my husband, it’s not precious to want to avoid illness for such a small baby.

Original poster

FreightTrain · 13/10/2024 15:45

autienotnaughty · 13/10/2024 07:29

I appreciate this is a couple months old. But totally reasonable op. Hope your baby is doing well

Thanks @autienotnaughty

She is now 15 weeks old (I think 😂), happy and healthy, and thankfully so far, has never had so much as a sniffle. She has also spent plenty of time with her Grandma, who contrary to popular belief, I do not hate (even if she can be a bit annoying at times 🙃)

OP posts:

autienotnaughty · 13/10/2024 07:29

I appreciate this is a couple months old. But totally reasonable op. Hope your baby is doing well

JeanLundegaard · 13/10/2024 07:25

RosesAndHellebores · 16/08/2024 13:36

A 7 week old baby will still have antibodies from you. Cold sores transmit by contact so if she washes her hands and doesn't kiss the baby it's fine. My father used to get cold sores. I have never had one.

Exactly this, I get cold sores and neither of my now adult children have ever had them.

Fastback · 13/10/2024 06:54

I know this thread is old, but my three week old developed viral meningitis, had a lumbar puncture, spent nearly two weeks in hospital while they identified the virus, and was pumped full of toxic antivirals (in case it was the deadly cold sore herpes simplex virus) and antibiotics while they figured out what it was. The medicines burnt and destroyed her tiny veins. At one point she had five cannulas in her tiny little body. All from a virus, as it turned out, that usually presents as a ‘common cold’ (brought in by a visitor who didn’t tell us)

Same thing happened to her at seven weeks with another virus generously given to us by a visitor, only this time she nearly died and was in PICU for two weeks, after being transported to GOSH. The two ‘common’ viruses had damaged her heart. Watching my baby be heart massaged in resus will stay with me forever.

Original poster

FreightTrain · 12/10/2024 21:44

Honestly don’t waste your time replying to @HVfan guys, they’re baiting for a reaction. Clearly nothing better to do on this Saturday night than trawl two month old posts trying to cause drama 🥱

OP posts:

Sirzy · 12/10/2024 21:28

My son was 8 weeks old when he nearly died from a “cold”. It’s not making a mountain out of a molehill to avoid contagious illnesses WHEN YOU CAN if you have a newborn. It’s common sense.

HVfan · 12/10/2024 21:05

Sirzy · 12/10/2024 20:37

But you would always make sure your child was in a suitable car seat to keep them as safe as possible. In the same way you wouldn’t deliberately expose your baby to a potentially dangerous illness when it could be avoided

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You are making a mountain out of a molehill. A cold is not a potentially dangerous illness. Do you stay home, don’t take to daycare, don’t send older kids to school and do grocery delivery and make husband work from home cause you have a 7 week old in the house? When you decide family is a hazard before you get to their door, when you scrutinize their face for signs it seems more about not liking them or not wanting to share the baby for a few hours. If you have a baby and the baby gets sick you simply take care of it. “ It’s a dangerous business going out your door, if you don’t keep your feet… “ the car seat is a country with a health system and medicine and fluids widely available. Is mom paranoid of catching a cold for 38 weeks? Does she drop the baby off at moms if she starts coming down a cold so the baby does not die?

Thudercatsrule · 12/10/2024 21:03

I might it amazing how many MIL cold sores these days! Not many "D"M, just the MIL's

Sirzy · 12/10/2024 20:37

HVfan · 12/10/2024 18:51

It it not at all uncommon for babies to get it and MOST can be treated at home. Many many babies are injured in a car accidents but you will put your kid in one? I would not recommend plastic wrap around a baby. But honestly trying to keep anything from happening means nothing can happen to a baby. I think people are being Nemo’s dad.

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But you would always make sure your child was in a suitable car seat to keep them as safe as possible. In the same way you wouldn’t deliberately expose your baby to a potentially dangerous illness when it could be avoided

BeanThereDoneIt · 12/10/2024 18:53

Utterly baffled by all the posts shocked and having a go at you. Of course you don’t want someone with a cold to hold your baby. Where the hell has people’s common sense gone?? Why is the priority the grown up grandma’s feelings and not the baby’s health? Bizarre.

Of course babies will catch bugs and get ill but why would anyone knowingly expose their newborn to one when it would be so simple not to?

This thread is one of those threads where I feel like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe.

HVfan · 12/10/2024 18:51

nocoolnamesleft · 21/08/2024 13:39

Many, many, many babies with colds have it develop to bronchiolitis, which is the commonest cause of hospital admission in under ones. In winter, almost all our patients can be babies on oxygen/breathing support and receiving NG/IV feeds. I have personally intubated multiple babies for them to go on ventilators, and be shipped out to intensive care at a bigger hospital, because their colds turned into severe bronchiolitis.

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It it not at all uncommon for babies to get it and MOST can be treated at home. Many many babies are injured in a car accidents but you will put your kid in one? I would not recommend plastic wrap around a baby. But honestly trying to keep anything from happening means nothing can happen to a baby. I think people are being Nemo’s dad.

HVfan · 12/10/2024 18:45

Just4thisthread54 · 21/08/2024 15:53

It’s not irrelevant - for people who get cold sores a cough / cold is often a sign a cold sore is to come in the next day or few days, and those people can asymptomatically spread the virus before the cold sore emerges. So it’s absolutely relevant, it can be a warning sign. Maybe you missed that bit in all your studying?

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At kid a park or soft play are contagious a day before symptoms. She would go there. A parent is contagious a day before symptoms. She holds her baby. It’s getting and fighting off germs that builds a strong immune system. The baby isn’t fighting cancer.

HVfan · 12/10/2024 18:42

FreightTrain · 16/08/2024 13:29

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

Get over it. You are being ridiculous. Would you leave the house or expect dad to leave the house if got a cold. New parent thing. You will be over this by your second baby I pray. Why do you look at a person as if they are a germ. She has cold sores, make sure she does not have one today…? You are looking for her to be unwell for some reason. Are you getting together to often? Are you upset this is the 3rd time in 7 weeks. It settles down.

JaneAustenshandbag · 26/08/2024 20:41

ironflan · 21/08/2024 18:31

That's absolutely not true. My breastfed baby caught bronchiolitis and strep pneumonia at 5 weeks.

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Just adding to this - my breastfed two week old caught bronchiolitis from MIL’s cold and was hospitalised for ten days. The hospitals are full of babies with similar respiratory issues over winter particularly but it’s not at all unusual. I don’t know why people keep insisting it is. Why take the risk?!

Mememoo · 22/08/2024 14:48

What is wrong with people saying op is being precious or over the top???? She has a newnorn baby with low Immune system regardless of what they get from us it's still best avoidable, a sick baby for the sake of a cuddle would be totally irresponsible from both mum and mil. Op just say no sorry I don't want to risk him/her catching anything because it's DANGEROUS aswell as a sick baby being even harder than normal to look after! If it was me I would leave and be pissed off they even let me come and didn't have the sense to say "I'm ill" some people are oblivious/thick or selfish.... baby only has you to protect it...be as mama bear as you like sod everyone elses opinion!

Oldermum84 · 21/08/2024 21:30

ironflan · 21/08/2024 18:31

That's absolutely not true. My breastfed baby caught bronchiolitis and strep pneumonia at 5 weeks.

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It is true. I didn't say it doesn't happen, but your case is unusual.

Hope your baby is ok.

ironflan · 21/08/2024 18:33

TheyreAllMadHere · 21/08/2024 14:19

I wouldn't ask for advice here OP. MN in general can be dismissive of issues like this because it's thought that grandparents can do no wrong and there's no consideration for mum's feelings.

You're not being precious. Those comments can do one.

You're allowed to choose who holds your baby and when. If you don't want anyone who is visibly ill to hold your newborn then so be it. It's tough. You're the parent.
It's one thing if you KNOW someone is ill and another if you're questioning someone's health before you offer for them to hold your baby.

Those saying it doesn't matter and "you'll soon moan when the grandparents aren't helping" have obviously never had a baby in hospital with RSV or bronchitis. It's dangerous for a baby to catch so is it worth the risk just so granny doesn't get the hump? No it's not.

You can visit family without them holding your baby. It's not against the law. I don't know why people on here seem to think grandparents must hold your baby whenever you see them.

And maybe someone should tell the parents of 7 week old babies who ended up in hospital, or worse, that they can't get ill because they have antibodies. Daft.

There are cases where babies have passed due to people not listening when parents asked them not to kiss their baby with a cold sore.

Everyone was asking how high when the government said jump just a while ago. It's a shame they don't have the same reaction when it comes to a baby's health.

Literally this. My 5 week old ended up in HDU with bronchitis and strep pneumonia of the lungs. Immunity till 6 months... Face palm

ironflan · 21/08/2024 18:31

Oldermum84 · 16/08/2024 13:36

The baby will be fine. It's very unusual for a baby to pick up an illness that young as they have immunity from you which usually lasts 6 months.

That's absolutely not true. My breastfed baby caught bronchiolitis and strep pneumonia at 5 weeks.

Welcome2thecircus · 21/08/2024 18:15

Think that's totally reasonable. My family didn't come round if they were poorly and my Mil said I won't hold her today as I'm a bit poorly. ❤️ We have three so not precious at all but postpartum is hard enough without a cold. Lots of opportunities for cuddles in the future. X

Just4thisthread54 · 21/08/2024 15:53

Kths · 21/08/2024 13:24

I never said she was overreacting I told her to leave if uncomfortable as a cough or cold virus is airborne nothing you can do to stop catching it

I didn’t mention the cold sores as op suggested she didn’t have one so therefore that part is irrelevant and she’s worried about the cold or cough infecting baby

I spent years studying including months on viruses and bacteria etc

It’s not irrelevant - for people who get cold sores a cough / cold is often a sign a cold sore is to come in the next day or few days, and those people can asymptomatically spread the virus before the cold sore emerges. So it’s absolutely relevant, it can be a warning sign. Maybe you missed that bit in all your studying?