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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

189 replies

Dygger · 16/08/2024 10:22

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

OP posts:
RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 16/08/2024 11:19

I wouldn't mind giving the odd lift but when it becomes an expectation, it also becomes a chore. Their lack of forward planning doesn't entitle them to demand a free taxi service from their friends.

6pence · 16/08/2024 11:18

This would only work if they offered to loan you the van in exchange. I don’t suppose that has ever been on the table?

Girlking · 16/08/2024 11:18

AuCo44 · 16/08/2024 10:27

You’re not being unreasonable. Why should you taxi them around because they’ve made lifestyle decisions that mean ordinary driving isn’t possible? Tell both of them bicycles aren’t expensive 😉

This ^

Uselesssil · 16/08/2024 11:18

@Dygger So she has said “she didn't want to waste money on taxis” — you responded by saying “'I noticed.'”

Your response is spot on, well done for not allowing a CF to use you unlike thousands of others on Mumsnet for her own benefit!

Seems she doesn’t want to use her money to get to the class she wants to attend, but does want you to use your money (and time) to get her to the class she wants to attend. It’s quite funny that she feels you should pay for her decision to get rid of her car!

MissPeachyKeen · 16/08/2024 11:17

Money on taxis isn't wasted if its needed is it?

Agree with all previous comments and your fabulous response, op. But also - does no one offer their friends petrol money anymore?

Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2024 11:16

Olivesandbananas · 16/08/2024 11:14

Just say no. My neighbour once started the same exercise class as me , I got a taxi each week and said oh we can share if you want ? She said yes and the first time I said just transfer me your half later on . She was shocked ! Said ‘you’re going anyway ? I won’t make it cost more !’

Bloody cheek! What did you say?

Original poster
Dygger · 16/08/2024 11:16

Nanny0gg · 16/08/2024 11:10

Brilliant response.

I'm assuming there have been no offers of petrol money or even a bunch of flowers to say Thank You?

Of course not. She says thank you and that she really appreciates me helping her out, but no — no gestures of thanks. And of course she appreciates me helping her out and saving her taxi money! There's no way in the world I'd ever be allowed to use their camper van. I've only been allowed in it, briefly, to admire its wonders. I'm pretty sure he's the only one who drives it.

OP posts:
Straightouttachelmsford · 16/08/2024 11:16

I bet she doesn't drive the moho!

Wonder if they also "wild camp", my town is overrun with moho's parked up as people don't want to pay for a campsite.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/08/2024 11:15

Great response

Fraaahnces · 16/08/2024 11:14

I would have lost my rag and replied “I’m not a flipping Uber driver” long before you started saying no. Good on you.

Olivesandbananas · 16/08/2024 11:14

Just say no. My neighbour once started the same exercise class as me , I got a taxi each week and said oh we can share if you want ? She said yes and the first time I said just transfer me your half later on . She was shocked ! Said ‘you’re going anyway ? I won’t make it cost more !’

5foot5 · 16/08/2024 11:13

YANBU. And I would also wonder why Mrs Motorhome's husband always gets first dibs on the car when he has an activity. Surely it is a shared car so she should get to have it and him get a lift sometimes.

Jeezitneverends · 16/08/2024 11:13

Love your response! My answer to these kind of situations is always “choices”

dh makes noises about going from 2 cars to 1 in retirement, and my answer to that is that it’s his we’ll get rid of and he knows where the bus stop is

FigTreeInEurope · 16/08/2024 11:13

If they can afford an 80 grand camper, then they can afford a 2 grand banger to rattle around in.

Original poster
Dygger · 16/08/2024 11:11

Cheers everyone. I was a bit cheeky, I know, but I felt as if I was being morally blackmailed. @Secondguess is spot on: it's a problem she needs to sort out with her DH. I'm not the solution.

There have been times in my life when I've needed to ask for a lift or assistance and so I do try to help people out when they're in a pickle. It's when it becomes expected that my back goes up. I'm just staggered that people will pay so much for a Moho (thank you!) but not be able to find the money for a 15-minute taxi ride. The friend with the rickety Romahome is a bit different — doesn't have much dosh to play with — so I try to be more gentle with her.

OP posts:
TwinklyNight · 16/08/2024 11:11

Stay firm. They should have thought it out better.

Nanny0gg · 16/08/2024 11:10

Brilliant response.

I'm assuming there have been no offers of petrol money or even a bunch of flowers to say Thank You?

Straightouttachelmsford · 16/08/2024 11:10

Blimey, she's basically saying you're a "free" taxi.

I have a daily driver van and a small car. We managed for years with one van but now my DH is home more, it's awkward. So we got a very nifty little car and it's fab for the sort of journey she wants you to make.

DreamyCyanFinch · 16/08/2024 11:09

Stop giving them lifts.It doesn't suit you,costs you money.Have you benifited from doing the Tai chi? Not wanting to be cheeky but asking the question , as I would love to do it!

Fathomless · 16/08/2024 11:08

TeapotCollection · 16/08/2024 10:31

“I noticed”

😂 love it! YANBU, people will only take the piss if you let them

Me too, fabulous response op 👏

Lovethat · 16/08/2024 11:07

She needs to look for a new class that's in a day her dh doesn't need the car. She's a CF and trying to make her problem your problem. Nice reply by the way. If she comes back just say that to save any confusion she shouldn't rely on a lift from you and if her dh can't help and she can't afford a taxi she should look for an alternative class.

dottiedodah · 16/08/2024 11:07

What a couple of bloody CF they are! I would not be giving lifts Im afraid ."I noticed" Brilliant response OP.Why sign up for something if you need transport?So she saves her cash and pulls a lift from you? I would say "Sorry but I like to go straight home after class.What with winter nights and everything"

PinkCast · 16/08/2024 11:04

... she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.'
Absolutely brilliant 👏 made laugh so much 😆

Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2024 11:03

she should say to her husband "it's not worth booking the classes unless I can get the car".**

Exactly this. What is her husband doing that gets priority?