AIBU to shop not adopt?

I don't think you are being unreasonable there are a lot of barriers to adopting. I was very lucky with my pup - I popped an application in one evening randomly to local RSPCA branch (and myself and my husband both said there will hundreds of applications for pups) - they phoned me the next day saying they had some puppies and to come and view one that morning when they opened - they'd already picked one out for the litter for us - 7 weeks old.

I brought her home the following week as soon as she turned 8 weeks. Everyone who I tell this tale to is pretty shocked as they had searched local rescues for ages trying to get a puppy (and I specifically wanted a pup as I have children and cats).

I work from home 100% so I'm pretty sure that swung it for me.

I actually did both at the same time. Researched extensively for a breed to replace my dear staffy. Found a breeder 4 years before he passed and kept in touch over that time. Let her know I'd consider a puppy in about 9 months time, which worked in well with a litter she had planned. She kept him till 10 weeks as I took 3 months off work to give him an excellent start to life.

Whilst I was waiting for the puppy, I was talking in the kitchen to someone at work and they asked me if I wanted a second dog. I'd been trying to get a retired breeding dog of the same breed as my pup, but was getting nowhere, so asked what he had. Size wise it was comparable with my pup, so yep, I'll take her. Sweet dog but came with problems, me being her fourth home before she turned 3yo. She's with me for life, but wouldn't have had these issues if she'd been with me from a pup.

You are not unreasonable. We looked for months to rescue, but as we had a small child, we couldn't.

Ensuring you so your checks for a responsible owner/breeder - and enjoy your puppy.

No idea why people saying 12 weeks is bad… letting puppies go at 8 weeks is the bare minimum!…. Stating with parents till 12 weeks as long as their exposure to things is ensured is a good thing! Mum and dad will teach them not to mouth etc…
i also can’t see the issue with owning both mum and dad… as long as it’s a good loving home they’re in!…. And the fact you know them - even better!!

YANBU.
My husband has never been a dog lover and always been a bit nervous but he agreed we could have a dog. We carefully looked into suitable breeds and decided buying a puppy would be better for us.

People harp on about adoption being the best way but when you have young children, a lot won’t let you adopt anyway. I wanted a dog whose history I knew and you can’t always get the right breed for you when you adopt.

Ignore and do what’s best for you and your family as ultimately, it’s you who has to live with the dog.

You are doing the right thing OP, not all of us are suited to adopting a rescue dog with an unknown history. It's important to get a dog whose temperament suits your lifestyle. I have anxiety so I just wouldn't be able to cope with a high energy breed or a yapper and we have elderly cats so we need a dog that doesn't have a strong prey drive. You know what you need from your family pet, don't let anyone dictate to you.

I've been through the same thing this year. Unfortunately, buying a purebred puppy seems to open you up to abuse. I no longer speak to some members of my family because after we got our pup they sent me an "adopt, don't shop" email. Total hypocrisy; after they'd met her twice and told us she is beautiful and perfect they suddenly started being nasty about her. They know I've had the same breed for 47 years, they know it's my passion but they still have to voice their disapproval because they think that adopting unwanted animals makes you a superior person. It's like reverse snobbery...

BTW, one of our girls was almost 12 weeks old when she came to us; no issues whatsoever, she settled in just as well as her older half-sister who had come to us at 7 weeks, in fact at 11.5 weeks when we got her she was pretty much housetrained already. 12 weeks is fine to get your pup.

Enjoy your puppy and ignore the naysayers.

I bet she’s just using it as a stick to beat you. If it wasn’t this would it be something else? Also been looking for a rescue dog. We live near sheep have young children, other pets and chickens and it’s pretty impossible I agree. It would need to be a rescue pup - and they are like gold dust.

I'm not too concerned about the 12 week pick up stage, the puppy should be fine. If you are localish, you could go and visit and have individual bonding time before and after you go on holiday which will help. Once you pick up the puppy, you can take them out carrying them before the 2nd jab which will help with socialising. Rescues are strict on rehoming and sometimes even with the best intentions in the world, they don't suit everyone.

It's fine to own the parents, people get their knickers in a twist as your pups are coming from family who are most likely non registered breeders.

The fact you know them is lovely.

And having a pup at 12 weeks is perfect, 8 weeks is a tad early anyhow.

Have had dogs since I was a kid
Mostly collies, DH had a cute feisty cross breed and a toy Phalene. We always had 2 dogs,3 at one point. I had rescues from the RSPCA and Blue cross. Both very aggressive and severe behaviour issues. First kept and worked hard on for 2 years,he bit several people. Adopted one privately (young guy diagnosed with ms) we had had our other one from a puppy. She was lovely
Fast forward.lost the Phalene last year almost 18. Did 100 mile radius of Home, for rescuing. We're retired,200ft garden well fenced,on the outskirts of a village,farm land just 2. roads away. Ended up covering the whole of England Ireland Scotland and Wales. Fence not tall enough, not rural, garden not big enough. No visiting children, youngest DGD is almost 2
No other animals,we had a 7 year old border collie. Reactive to people, dogs,cars,bikes,must be walked alone,no other dogs around. We had our Phalene at 11 weeks, but the collies were 8. We ended up with a puppy BC, from a farm where we used to live. The mother had lost interest, they said were weaned,so we got her at 7 weeks. Asked lots of people on walks why they got rescues from abroad, this was the reason. The village we lived before,we had dog 15, mine had died,cats,rats, rabbit chicken. Quarter acre garden backing onto fields. RSPCA inspector wrote "medium size garden"told her she was insane and 50 feet was a medium size garden. They said we had to have a dog as we already had a bitch. We ended up buying a puppy,then 6 months later a free puppy,mum caught out in first season...
Both from farms,both females.

We have acres of land both WFH and teenagers and also can't adopt. Because our fencing isn't high enough?

I really can't afford 6ft height dear fencing over 3 acres for a small breed. 🤣 who can't even jump the 4ft fencing we already have.

The rules really only suit very few people, I would tell your sister in law to shut up and mind her own business.

I have a rescue, and she's an amazing dog, who turned out to be a fantastic family dog when we had DD. But, even when we didn't have a child or any other animals, Dogs Trust turned us down for both working, even though I was 2 minutes down the road and came home for lunch anyway.

The hoops we had to jump through to get our current dog were unreal. And now we have a child to add to the mix, plus some other animals, it'll be even harder.

We talked about the "next dog" a few times and depending on how old our child is when we're at that stage, we may well go with buying a puppy for all the reasons listed above, and for other reasons.

Adopting is always the ideal way, but it has to suit everyone. Adopting just any dog because you can doesn't make you the right home for the dog, which also needs to be a big consideration.

You sound like you've looked at everything you need to and landed on what's right for everyone. SIL can sod off.

Tel the SIL to STFU!!
you’ve explored adopting and it’s not worked out. Not only can you not find the breed you want but they’ve also said no!
Having a puppy is hard work but it’s brilliant for children to experience it and puppies hopefully have no trauma and if you socialise them properly you’ll have a lovely dog with no issues.
Too many rescue dogs have issues with other dogs etc…
I was 8 when we got our Labrador puppy… I’ll never forget picking our dog up as a kid.. he was gorgeous.. my parents were very strict with him and he was a very good boy! I loved him so much! My daughter picked out her own Puppy When she was 5, she’s 14 this year and they’re still as thick as thieves…
It’s an amazing thing to adopt but the restrictions they put in place make it impossible for most of us….
Have kids - nope
have other pets - nope
work - nope
retired - nope (you’re too old!)

it’s ridiculous! …. We typed in that we had other pets and a child and it came back with one suitable dog and it had already been reserved… and that’s without them scrutinising our working lives!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but some of these comments are wild. “Puppies will end up in shelters anyway so you may as well buy them” is a damning indictment of breeders not a green flag for buying puppies. I have a rescue dog - I wanted a rescue dog and I worked really hard to find her. She has zero behavioural problems and is an absolute sweetheart. It was really hard dealing with all the rescues tbh - some of them are lovely and some are incredibly awkward / rude / flaky. Our problem was we already had a cat. I appreciate that a lot of rescues don’t know how their dogs will deal with cats so they won’t risk rehoming in homes with cats. Only one rescue volunteered to “test” their dogs with cats that we found. I did come across several litters of puppies in rescues though so I don’t agree that it’s only older dogs that are available. Even Dogs Trust ( who have been otherwise useless for our needs) have puppies coming through.

I was an “adopt not shop” person when I got my 1st dog, rescued from abroad because I had a 4 year old and couldn’t find any shelters that would let me adopt a dog with a young child. I love the bones of him but he took 12 months to housetrain, was socialised everywhere within the first couple of weeks but is extremely reactive to other people (in his house) and dogs on walks, took a month at least to teach how to walk (he used to just pull back to the house constantly), and despite endless amounts of training and even trying medication is a very anxious dog.

We got a second dog from a breeder a few years later and he is the complete opposite. Loves absolutely everyone and everything, was a breeze to train (although is going through his teenage stage now and forgetting/refusing to do it) and is happy to go anywhere, whereas my other dog gets so stressed out even on day trips to the beach or dog walking spots. I wouldn’t judge anyone for buying a dog now after my first experience, i don’t know what I could have done differently with my first but life in general is a pretty scary experience for him.

I can see the pros and cons of both. I have adopted all my pets in the past but have had to work damn hard with my 2 dogs to get them settled and trained. But I had the time to do that and no other pets at the time either. The cats were no problem at all.

a friend also had a sister who was obsessed about her having a rescue dog - she tried for years, ended up with a rescue cat, and eventually got a puppy, not a rescue, i am sure her sister has come round.

100% this. We tried for three years to adopt a dog. We gave up in the end and didn’t even bother buying a puppy from a breeder as the whole experience was so demoralising.

We only have rescues but I am a firm believer that people need to do what is right for them and their particular circumstances. I am also a firm believer that it's not for anyone else to guilt trip you.

I would say on repeat ' This is the decision that is best for our circumstances'. Or perhaps 'I don't criticise your choices, so please leave the subject alone now'.

I have two friends who fell out over this exact same issue. One got a labrador puppy and the other one just Would Not Let It Go.

and i dont approve of the rescue from abroad.

It seems that you know you've made the very best decision, and that the issue here is the SIL one rather than the 'dog' one. You could show her this thread, if she needs convincing. If it's an issue with more history (is she like that with you about other stuff?) then that's another whole thing. Good luck, OP, and enjoy life with your new Labrador.

We were like you. No rescue would let us have a dog as we both work! Got a Labrador puppy in the end and a dog walker, plus I’d run home on my lunch break and could wfh a bit too.

I did few guilty though so we actually got a rescue two years later as I was wfh a lot more and only going in one day a week. My parents then have the dogs when I go in.

I would love a dog and like you have looked at lots of dogs up for adoption. But I haven't found any that I think I could accommodate and I have had a dog previously so not a complete novice. I think you have absolutely made the right choice.

those who rescue are very proud of the fact
they always tell you, and think they are better than others.

We had the same. Also same with cats, they have feral kittens and cats here that are rescued and they then want to release them to farms to continue to live a feral but cared for life. My god, the hoops you have to go through and expense too.
We get puppies from other farmers and kittens usually end up on the farm anyways. I wouldn’t use a shelter now.