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Original poster

To expect exH to warn me if he’s bringing kids over

36 replies

Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 19:02

ExH took kids on holiday for a week so I had made plans for my evenings without the kids. I had arranged a date for this evening but without warning, the kids turned up at mine two days early.
ExH was like “surprise!”

And while of course I’m over the moon to see my kids as I had missed them, I was a bit miffed at not having had any notice, and having to cancel plans at such short notice.
Am I being unreasonable to expect some sort of pre warning? I mean, what if I had had the date over and we were in the middle of something?

OP posts:
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gamerchick · 16/08/2024 22:11

Or have your dates in the first night or 2 he's got them

gamerchick · 16/08/2024 22:10

He does it on purpose to remind you that he's in control OP.

Not sure what you can do about it, other than be out.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 16/08/2024 22:06

I would have a conversation with him and say whilst its lovrly to have them home, you would appreciate him checking before bringing them back early. First you may have plans, and if he says your their mum point out he is their dad and eould he be ok with you turning up on a wednesday saying their here for the weekend surprise. No he probably wouldnt given thst he had decided he had enough and wanted them to go home early.

It may be worth pointing out you may have nothing in to feed them if you dont know to go shopping before they get home.

MummytoAAandX · 16/08/2024 21:55

Totally out of order. I share custody of my DD who is 13 with her dad. There's no way he would do this. He wouldn't even drop her off half an hour earlier than agreed without checking it's okay with me first.

5475878237NC · 15/08/2024 23:54

Lampzade · 15/08/2024 19:23

Then I would have replied’ Daddy doesn’t want to spend any more time with you that is why he has brought you home early’
What is good for the goose is good for the gander

Show quote history

That's horrible. Two parents who don't want to care for you!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/08/2024 22:34

He is controlling and trying to ruin your love life while pretending to be a doting dad

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 20:18

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 15/08/2024 19:37

I woud have been absolutely livid. I think I wuld have said something like - wow, lovely to see you are you just popping in on your way back to dad;s? And if he then tried to act like you didn't have time you could have said, "I always love seeing the kids but I've already made plans to go out because I thought they were with you - I can't cancel on the people I'm meeting. Darlings, if you want to come back early, tomorrow that would be fine but I can't let people down. You should have let me know you were coming."

I wish I had said something like that but it was one of those rabbit in the headlight moments when I couldn’t think of anything as I was so taken aback 🤦🏻‍♀️
Plus my daughter would have been heartbroken as she had really missed me.

OP posts:
IdLikeToBeAFraser · 15/08/2024 19:37

I woud have been absolutely livid. I think I wuld have said something like - wow, lovely to see you are you just popping in on your way back to dad;s? And if he then tried to act like you didn't have time you could have said, "I always love seeing the kids but I've already made plans to go out because I thought they were with you - I can't cancel on the people I'm meeting. Darlings, if you want to come back early, tomorrow that would be fine but I can't let people down. You should have let me know you were coming."

ACynicalDad · 15/08/2024 19:32

Adviceneeeeded · 15/08/2024 19:27

Do it back! Drop them off a day or 2 earlier than his normal day.

Genius, he's awful, too much like hard work, dump them with their mum, man child.

Scarletrunner · 15/08/2024 19:32

Next time leave your phone ata friends or anywhere so that you don’t appear to be home.

OhmygodDont · 15/08/2024 19:31

That’s bang out of order. On purpose though to stop you having a life.

In future during his time turn it so your location is off.

Cantalever · 15/08/2024 19:29

Tell him he can't just turn up at yours whenever he feels like it. Its your home and he needs to make arrangements with you about coming to your house, and keep to them. Be firm, this is not OK.

PixieLaLar · 15/08/2024 19:29

I would be pissed off too!
Clearly he couldn’t handle parenting for a week which is pathetic in itself but he really should have asked you first if it was ok to drop them home early, it’s just common decency.

I see from your update it’s not the first time he’s turned up without warning, that is so disrespectful and rude you deffo need to message him not to do it again.

BibbleandSqwauk · 15/08/2024 19:28

Absolutely totally unreasonable. I get that you couldn't really do anything else on the spot but I'd be having very very firm words. My ex used to try this, saying he "had" to drop them off mid afternoon instead of at 6 on the Sunday which would basically ruin the plans I had for that tiny slice of life I had. I just made sure I was elsewhere and that he knew there'd be noone in. It sounds heartless but single parenting is bloody hard and you have to protect that little but of time.

Adviceneeeeded · 15/08/2024 19:27

Do it back! Drop them off a day or 2 earlier than his normal day.

Duckingella · 15/08/2024 19:26

Word of advice;although it's lovely your kids can see where you are on an App it also gives your ex an opportunity to track your movements when he has the kids.

I'd consider turning the App off when they are with their dad.

RandomMess · 15/08/2024 19:24

It's deliberate by him so you can't have a social life.

You need to stop sharing your location when they are with him. Your key in the lock so they can't get in.

Angry
Lampzade · 15/08/2024 19:23

Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 19:21

He would have been very passive aggressive and say things like “come on then kids, Mummy is too busy for you”.

This isn’t the first time he’s done this, just randomly turned up at my house with them when it’s his weekend. Glad I’m not completely unreasonable to be annoyed!

Show quote history

Then I would have replied’ Daddy doesn’t want to spend any more time with you that is why he has brought you home early’
What is good for the goose is good for the gander

glittercunt · 15/08/2024 19:23

Deliberate sabotage of whatever you may have been doing with your time.

He didn't know you'd be going on a date but if he knew, he'd be considering this an achievement for him, probably.

I'd turn off your visibility on the tracking app (either entirely or just for your kids, if it's safe to do so).

I'd also state next time that you won't be home for much of it and to stick to the agreed time and date. If he doesn't do this, and pulls this again, I'd threaten him with family court.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 19:23

Lampzade · 15/08/2024 19:20

Op, what did you say to him?

I was taken aback obviously, but the kids were very excited to see me - they had missed me and been a bit homesick. I didn’t feel like I could say anything at this point without hurting the kids’ feelings.
I will message him later and just say in future he needs to give me reasonable warning because I do have a life as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 19:21

Lampzade · 15/08/2024 19:18

I would have told him that you have made plans and that he would have to take the kids with him.
I am pretty sure he would be mightily pissed off if you dropped the kids at his home without notice. Why should you be expected to do the same?

He would have been very passive aggressive and say things like “come on then kids, Mummy is too busy for you”.

This isn’t the first time he’s done this, just randomly turned up at my house with them when it’s his weekend. Glad I’m not completely unreasonable to be annoyed!

OP posts:
Duckingella · 15/08/2024 19:20

So he hasn't actually completed the holiday and has come home early because he's a lazy parent and I'm assuming he could have taken them back to his for the remaining 2 nights he decided to off load them?

Lampzade · 15/08/2024 19:20

Op, what did you say to him?

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 15/08/2024 19:19

Hankunamatata · 15/08/2024 19:16

Yikes. What if you had been shagging in the middle of the sitting room with someone your kids havnt met. Ob ex thinks you have no life

This exactly!! They’d be scarred for life 😂
but it just feels disrespectful of my space and my time.

OP posts:
MapleTreeValley · 15/08/2024 19:19

He is being massively unreasonable to do this and I would be really annoyed!