Would you let someone you know gets coldsores kiss your baby?

After 3 months your baby is much better placed to deal with infections, including cold sores. It sounds v unlikely that the virus could have passed on - it needs skin to skin contact really. And your baby at 4 months isn't a newborn so you're past that super dangerous stage.

OP - if you sent them an article about a newborn who died, would that work?

I don’t understand - you’ve sent out ‘rules’ before baby has arrived?

Many years ago I was on a pregnancy forum

We were all due X month and, as time went on, friendships were formed etc and valuable support shared

One of the mums on there had her newborn die due to being kissed by a cold sore carrier. It was absolutely horrific and shocking

If and it's a big IF the person was shedding the virus, and if there has been transmission, then it could lay dormant for many years. He may never have an outbreak.

Is it just kissing the baby you have to worry about or general contact? I have a four month old and yesterday we saw someone with an active cold sore, she held him but didn’t kiss him, and I don’t think he touched her face at all, but now I’m panicking after reading these comments. What do I have to look out four if he’s caught it?

You get cold sores, (herpes) you have them for life. Anyone who gets them would know this, so are very selfish if they insist on kissing the baby.

Understood, that's why I said 'knowingly'.

Absolutely not!! No one should ever be kissing babies except the parents.
I thought this was an unwritten rule that everyone knew. I'd be so angry at this family member if I was in your shoes!

They're your children, so you can make the rules. Would you insist on kissing other people's?

80% of the population carry the heroes virus, some never get outbreaks, so wouldn't know.

Much safer and easier to just say no kissing of babies from anyone. The herpes virus isn't the only dangerous virus for newborns - lots of viruses are dangerous for newborns

These thick twats wouldn't dare darken my door OP. Read them the riot act now, together with your DH. They don't have your family's best interests at heart.

I carry the virus - used to get cold sores but haven't had one in years.

I'd never dream of kissing someone else's newborn. In fact, I'd never dream of it anyway even if I didn't get cold sores. Plenty of people carry herpes without symptoms and also... so many other nasty bugs around that could hurt a newborn.

Honestly, those people are just weird and selfish, OP. Stand your ground. I can see how this is making you anxious (understandably) so if they aren't going to be respectful of your rules maybe ask them to stay away.

My mil gets them and is super vigilant herself about not wanting to pass the virus on so I've never had to impose rules. She can tell when she's got one coming as it tingles before they appear apparently.
My son is almost 8, she's kissed him lots of times in his life and he's never got a cold sore.

I get the anxiety but it sounds like you might have gone about this in the wrong way.

Regardless of cold sores mum and dad / siblings are the ONLY people that should be kissing your baby

Well said, excellent point. To the baby, it's a matter of life and death.

I'm a cold sore sufferer and I didn't kiss my babies' faces/hands until they were over 1, and then certainly not mouths. I didn't let them touch my mouth either.

I can go from nothing to full blown sore in a few hours, I don't even get the "tingle" any more so I'd never know when was was coming.

No fucking way. Herpes is bloody dangerous in neonates.

Well you were lucky @usernother but not that lucky as you gave the cold sore virus to one of your kids for life.

OP just ask everyone not to kiss baby.

Hard NO.
Also I do not see a point of adults wanting to kiss newborns. It is gross and cringe as hell.

I get cold sores and would never kiss someone's baby. I kissed my own when I didn't have a sore but never never never when I did and I wouldn't even hold someone else's baby if I had a sore.

Kissing other people's babies is weird, why would a new family member want to do that and why would you have contact with them

I dont understand the no outside contact thing, why can you go outside?

I don't know anyone who smokes so can't give an opinion on that and it never occurred to me to ask someone to wash their hands and I've never been asked, is that a COVID thing?

DM and FIL both get coldsores.

DM I knew I didn't have to worry about as she was always so careful when we were growing up.

FIL isn't as careful (once drank from my glass when he had an active coldsore ) so I was vigilant around him. Fortunately we didn't see him with one, but I would have asked him nicely not to and he would have listened, but probably thought I was a bit mad .

Both showered the babbies in cuddles and kisses, all was well.

My daughter was prem no issues just early and I wasn't even allowed into the unit to see her when I had a cold sore. So would be def no from me and make sure before hold washes hands, dose t touch lips etc

No kissing especially the one who gets cold sores. Such a nasty thing to get. Especially the first one.

I don't understand why anyone would be annoyed about this. Why the desperation to kiss a baby?

Op, your relative needs to grow up and stop being so demanding.

Our youngest was seriously ill with excema herpeticum and hospitalised for over 1wk on iv antibiotics and antivirals - caused by the herpes virus. I wouldn't let anyone go near a baby with an indication of a coldsore.

My mum has always said you shouldn't kiss babies so was something i just followed. Even now our 2yr old will go to give her a kiss on the lips and she always redirects to cheek.

I think the crux of it is that it's your baby and your rules. I've followed 'rules' when friends have had babies that I thought were a bit OTT but did it because that's their baby and their decision. It boils down to respect for me at the end of the day.