Witholding my rent AIBU

So you're not professionally diagnosed then, because you haven't had a psych assessment because they're costly. You have self diagnosed ADHD.
Self-medicating with coke will not work for you long term. It is also not cheap. And I won't even get into the morality of how buying coke supports drug cartels who murder many innocents.
You are severely compromising your mental and physical health with your extremely erratic lifestyle. Please get some help.

Yes those can also be added to the list.

People have given the OP advice. But they aren’t listening at all.

Not sure that it matters as not sure this is true actually.

Do you not think it's a bit tragic to be taking coke at nearly 50? Particularly when you might become homeless over it? You will never make enough money to live from being a dj. Accept that. And I think your current boss will have a massive red flag against you now the landlady has quite reasonably contacted him, so you'll probably lose that job soon too.

@friendlycat

you missed out the ADHT which makes her forget to pay the rent.

so one can only guess she forgot to pay invoices that were due to the business
and she forgot to pay the mortgage

Oh, for the love of God. 🤦‍♀️

Are you actually for real? 🤔

You're nearly 50 years old, can't afford to keep a roof over your head, you're chasing a dream that you'll make money as a DJ, you're diagnosed (self-diagnosed?) with ADHD, and you spend what little money you have on coke? Seriously?

Yeah, I would imagine that anyone on this thread who had any sympathy for you has just lost that sympathy completely. Get off the internet and do something productive. Like find a new place to live and a full-time job. And get help with your addiction to cocaine.

So to sum this up …
You had a business that failed
You had to leave your property in Oxford due to repossession
You made a new start in sales in London giving your boss as a referee
With crippling debts you rent a room in a house in west London that’s expensive even though there are many cheaper options at significantly less each month
You have paid your rent late every month
Now you aren’t paying rent at all and are looking avoidance tactics
You want the security of staying there but not paying
You are constantly using coke at the weekends which costs money
But you have no money to pay rent

You are living in complete denial if any of this is true

exactly !

Basically everything is a red herring bar the lack of rent payment.

The loss of the lounge is a red herring, the Op agreed that it was never included in her agreement.

Me too.

I think it's sort of irrelevant. My MiL died last September, DP lost his job 3 days after the funeral, we powered on through, he got a new one, yes there's grieving, there still is, of course, he crashes, I hold him as I did financially too then, but you still need to get your shit together.

Landladies who are owed rent don't, and shouldn't, care about your personal circumstances, it's a business relationship. She's been overly nice as it is.

If you had said cannabis people might have believed you.

No ADHD diagnosis and you use coke instead of paying rent, refuse to speak to Shelter. Starting to sound like a fake.

when did your mother die ?

Look, I dabbled maybe once a month in my twenties and early thirties, not touched it in at least a decade, but at no point did it come before my rent, it was out of fun money after rent ,bills, food, travel to work etc. You are not managing this and need to stop. It is not a form of medication, and what you see as ADHD may well just be post coke symptoms. Grow up, the rest of us did.

It clearly doesn't help given that whilst taking it you are rapidly spiralling into homelessness.

Its not ADHD,, its become clear, if real, that it's a coke habit.

check out brain hand to help you manage neurodivergent life

www.braininhand.co.uk

Ah great, if you're on coke you have a dealer. Ask him for ADJD meds instead of coke and you're golden...

😐

Honestly I know loads of people who are in the same failure to thrive phase. I think it’s telling that a parent dying was the trigger - I’ll bet any amount of money that parent was financially propping the OP up whilst they pursued their “dream” of being a DJ (substitute DJ with artist, actor, musician, music promoter - all the same nonsense where they can’t accept that they’re not going to make it in their desired field). And in an industry that is drug fuelled in many circles. Take away that parental financial support and they can’t manage anymore. And have never had anyone telling them to grow up and be an adult

Also telling that the OP has a failed business venture behind them. I’ll bet that was in a similar kind of airy fairy not real life sphere.

And self medicating on coke = drug habit for years hence absolutely no money or savings at a fairly mature age. But hey that’s ok because it’s medication. An absolute shitshow of a life and I wish I could say hand on heart this doesn’t happen. But I’ve seen it and I know it does.

I really hope it is fake because otherwise this person is in a horrible downward spiral that they’re going to really struggle to get out of.

Coke.. “dj” At 40 but haven’t made it. Yup this is a clip clop or a huge failure to thrive.

Exactly this.

If it's true that you never pay your rent on time, I can see why your LL is annoyed. Your emotional issues and mental health have nothing whatsoever to do with her - she's not a relation or friend. This is a business arrangement.

Why don't you pay by standing order so that your payment goes out on time every month? If you can't be certain the money will be there, you need to leave and find somewhere cheaper.

Yeah, the coke comment is a pretty big red flag. Kinda surprised it took me this long to think fake.