My girlfriend always tells me I should leave her - and I’m tired

It might be unintentional but it's not fair on the other person. I know a couple where one partner gets stressed about day to day life easily - they'll make a mistake, like burning the kid's dinner or buying the wrong size clothes, and will get worked up and start saying "I fucked it up, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, I can't do anything right". Which then leads to the other partner having to constantly reassure them that no mistakes happen and it's fine just sort it out and work around it. When it's something that they genuinely should have done better and not just a mistake (they've been told half a dozen times what size clothes to buy) it means the partner can't express any annoyance or call them out on why haven't you listened when I've told you this repeatedly. That would make the "I'm fucking stupid and useless" worse.

It also might benefit you to look into reassurance seeking behaviours, my therapist gave myself and my husband information on this so my husband could support me in the right way and to ensure I stopped seeking it out.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t ever reassure me but I am no longer constantly needing to ask him if everything is ok as we worked on the reasons why I felt I had to have reassurance in the first place.

Well said @PrincessSakura

I feel sorry for GF and think posters are being very cruel towards her.
Has she experienced trauma/abuse? I would not call this manipulation, if she genuinely feels unworthy then it’s a trauma response to push loved ones away.
When I felt suicidal I was convinced I was ruining my husbands life and told him he should leave me and find someone better who didn’t have mental health problem. I convinced myself I was at fault for everything and not a worthy companion for him. I grew up being told how useless I was, that I was stupid, I was physically and emotionally abused, you never fully heal from it and it’s hard to not feel like you are always the problem.
OP therapy will take a long time to take effect, it’s not easy to undo past events or the damage done to her self esteem.
My husband stuck by me, he offered reassurance when I needed it, he knew I was struggling and didn’t let me give up on getting better.
I appreciate it’s draining though, putting all of your energy into supporting someone. It is up to you if you feel like you are committed enough to her to try and work through it and I hope she is also committed enough to face her demons and come out stronger, I know how hard that can be.

Buy a PlayStation for playing games instead

She's continually seeking reassurance
The cure for that is NOT for OP to keep providing that reassurance
The cure is for her to find a way to stop asking for it.

If you give the reassurance she will either not believe it, or will only believe it for a short while until something makes her need to ask for it again.
Providing reassurance is enabling the problem to continue.

Are you enjoying being 'needed' to this extent?
Because what will happen if she ever comes out of this? Would you need to find someone else to rescue? Or are you beaten down by it all?
She sounds quite damaged and as if she needs to do some work on herself before being in a relationship.
You can't fix this for her.

You are both so young.
It doesn't sound like it's working.
Why not leave and find someone who is not so damaged?
And if you are not there she will either realise it was just not the right relationship for her and/or she will do the necessary work to come out of this compulsive behaviour pattern.

Take her advice. She’s unhinged.

Being with someone with very low self esteem is extremely draining. It's great that she's trying to get help but you can't wait forever. I'd give it 6 months max to see if things improve and then call it a day if they haven't.

I feel so sorry for the girlfriend and I’d bet money on the fact that she is not being consciously manipulative with this behaviour. She has problems and the OP needs to decide if he loves her enough to support her. It sounds like he is looking for a way out and is blaming his GF for that.

No no no. You need to shut it down. On repeat, "I've told you it's fine, but it needs to be dealt with in therapy. I won't sit here and listen to you tell me what I think when i've already told you."

Does she have childood trauma? Often this behaviour stems from that and is then used as an excuse. rather than as something that needs to be worked through so that the behaviour can be prevented.

She has messed it up. She's a manipulative drama queen, regardless of the reasoning behind it, and love is not enough to save a car crash relationship like this. You're 26, you should be mature enough to know it's never going to work. You've wasted enough time on this bullshit already.

i have a "friend" who does this - its soul draining.
In fact it's impacted our larger friendship group as now people don't want to come along if she is, or don't want to offer a lift because it's exhausting.
Run

Ask her how she would feel if you called her bluff and left.

That should open an honest conversation where you can tell her that you can't live with the emotional manipulation and she either stops or you will go.

I personally think you need to be firm with her. You tell her if she carries on saying this it's over and the only reason it's over is because she is self sabotaging. It's a draining way to live, you can't put up with it forever no matter how much you love her. She needs to draw a line.

If you still want to be with her then you need to be patient and give the therapy time to have some effect.
If you are actually tired of the relationship then you need to be honest and split up.

She is testing you by repeatedly pushing you away. I know it is her insecurity causing this but do you think you could do any more to reassure her that you do love her and won’t abandon her? She will take some time to trust you.
I recognise her behaviour as I was like that when I was younger.

It doesn't really matter if it's intentional manipulation or not the problem is that it awful for you to have to deal with.
If it's unintentional that suggests she can't stop it and if it's intentional then that's obviously awful.

Life is too short. I'd seriously consider this relationship.

It sounds like she's very insecure and needs a lot of reassurance from you. This isn't something you can help her with unfortunately - she needs to work on herself. Has she considered therapy at all?

Well yes, it's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. She thinks you are going to leave her so starts acting in a way that pushes you away. Classic problem. Nothing you can do to change it. The work is all on her.

Your girlfriend needs some help with her obvious MH issues. If you love her as you say you do, then you need to decide if that is enough to help and support her to work through her self esteem issues.
Have you suggested that she gets some therapy?

The only question you need to ask yourself is can you cope with this behaviour for the rest of your life? If yes, then stay and help her to develop some self-awareness if it ever happens. If not, then the answer is to take her up on the offer.

it absolutely is manipulation. But OP, I disagree with other posters who think it's conscious. Lots of people who are deeply insecure can display manipulative, narcissistic tendencies and they genuinely don't see it.

Franky, that is a big part of the problem - because they are simply unable to accept that they have the problem and to do anything about it.

I suggest a very straightforward response, "I do not agree with this and have told you. But either you don't believe me, in which case, why are YOU in a relationship with me. Or you do believe me, but don't actually want to adapt or change your behaviour so are unconsciously turning yourself into a victim. Either way, this will destroy our relationship eventually. You should seek therapy and support to help you manage these feelings becuase nothing I say or do has ever had any sort of impact."

And just so you know, if she doesn't seek help, it will only get worse. Next you will have to call/text her constantly while you are out because she will be worried about you/nervous that other women are hitting on you etc. You will agree enthusiastically when she tells you she's off on a girls weekend and she will accuse you of not possibly loving her as otherwise why would you be so relaxed about it and not miss her enough. She will want to look at your phone just to "reassure" herself. You'll stop talking about colleagues at work because she'll be upset.

So nip this in the bud now. if she's got genuine insecurities, you will both be happier if she processes these.

The difference being that OP already did have this conversation with their girlfriend and the behaviour didn't stop. That's quite telling that the GF is not at the point where she has your self-awareness. And that's a non-started for me.